He said he went on a "Bender"....is it the truth or is he playing me for a fool???

[Sweets1919]

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months. He works away on the oil rigs two weeks at a time. Last week we had plans for him to come to my city and then we were going to drive to BC to our hometown to see friends and family. He gets one week off usually.

 

He called lots the first week and then only sporadically (which i am used to, they work long hours, get tired and there is poor cell reception).

 

Well I thought he was coming to see me late last tuesday or Wednesday. He didn't call till Wed. and told me he was working till Friday. I found out (not from him) that he had left work on Wed. and had travelled to the city I live in (7 hr drive) and and then gone to a small town an hour and a half from here. When I talked to him, he lied and said he was at work and was working till Sunday. When I confronted him he continued to lie about actually coming to my city and where he was going to spend the weekend (said he was going to help friends move).

 

He also said he was unsure about our relationship and needed time to think.

 

When I found out on Saturday that he had lied about being my my city on Wed. night and going to help the friends move (I found out he was still in my city, not three hours away)...I snapped. I freaked out, felt totally betrayed, manipulated and gullable. What was he trying to hide from me?????

 

So I posted here lots and shared the whole story with friends and family....bla bla he is inconsiderate of my time and feelings and doesn't care a sh** about me. People here said "he's not that into you". I packed his stuff and put it on the front porch.

 

Yesterday he came to talk and these are his explanations, though he says he knows lying was wrong:

 

-firstly, he was working with a new crew and they drank a lot and he was basically drunk for two weeks and he went on a "bender".....that seemed like fun and a good "escape" from thinking about his birthday (which was yesterday)...he turned 26. He has debt and no assets and said that he feels trapped in his job and is afraid of getting older. He said it was a pre "midlife crisis" and that he often feels lonely up at work, so when the guys were like "lets go drinking, he was all over it"

 

-He said that if he had called on Wed. to say he was not coming to see me for 4 days and that he was going to party and drink with the guys he just met then I would have freaked out and he did not want me upset and break up with him for having his friends be the priority last week.

 

-He said that his feelings did not change, he just drank lots and hung out, rode atvs, burned stuff etc...and then when I told him I knew he was lying about being at work, he continued to lie instead of tell all b/c he wanted to "save his ass"...though I ended up finding it out in the end.

 

My family is convinced he was cheating on me and so were lots of my friends. None of them said "maybe there is an explanation and he is just inconsiderate this week for whatever reason"...actually none of them said "well what is good about your relatinship"....usually he was quite considerate....but all that was in the back of my mind when this came up.

 

He had cheated on me in November when he said he wasn't sure of our relationship....we had decided to rebuild on a basis of friendship and I thought that's what we had, so when i found out the lies, it was like betrayal again.

 

Guys/men out there....do guys really need to just go escape like this sometime???? Is hanging out, getting drunk and just escaping a normal thing for them? He said he hadn't gone on a "bender" for five years since college. I myself have never been on a "bender" so I could in no way relate. He also said that on Friday when I was talking I told him "If you want to break up that is fine with me"...and he said that was a mean statement and it felt like I was saying I don't care about him/us.

 

Is he playing me for fool???

[st8toftheheart]

Funny. Its spring outside but you're still getting snowed.

 

Well even his excuses aren't very flattering. Not seeing you so he could go drinking and partying with his new crew? Nice.

 

Hope that box is still out there on that porch.

[Mz. Pixie]

You just keep posting in a different forum to get a different answer??

[FolderWife]

ha ha! So if his explanation is TRUE, does that make you want him back!?!? What are you, NUTS!?

 

He doesn't see you but, what, one week a month? Instead of taking that week and spending it with YOU, the woman he "LOVES" and should MISS, he spends it with guys that he sees EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE drinking and living it up!?!?

 

Oh...that's SO MUCH BETTER than anything we came up with

 

Are you considering forgiving him? He didn't tell you of his change of plans, he didn't ask if you minded, he didn't call you hardly, and now he says that he was partying with guys he sees all the time instead of spending four measly days with you!? COME ON!!! ISN'T THAT JUST AS BAD AS ANYTHING YOU COULD'VE IMAGINED!?

 

He has you waiting around on him, not seeing anyone else, not kissing anyone else, not holding anyone else...waiting on him as lonly as you can possibly get....and then he doesn't even spend the one week out of the month that he has off with you?

 

That's selfish. How can you forgive him for being so selfish as to expect you to remain faithful to him, when he won't even come visit you on his ONE WEEK OFF!? WHEN HE WAS THAT CLOSE TO YOU!!!!!!

[RecordProducer]

Oh, he is full of it! What happened to the "I need time to think about our relationship"? Did he say that because of the bender?

You said yourself that the last time when he said that in November he cheated on you. So here we have a pattern. He's a liar and cheater and it's not happening by accident. It's his personality. Of, course he lied just to save his ass.

I bet he is a low class local macho type while you're some good proper girl with no vice and sins. You're someone that he can take to his mother and raise his children. You deserve better, girl!

[morrigan]

Listen to your family and friends--they care about you, not this man. Give up on this guy cold turkey.

 

People who care about you, and know you care about them, will attempt to contact you if they've decided to change travel plans or won't be visiting you--even if it's for a shallow reason like an alcohol binge.

 

It's not an escape from life's worries, it's his belief that you weren't important enough of a consideration.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

When I confronted him he continued to lie about actually coming to my city and where he was going to spend the weekend (said he was going to help friends move).

 

He also said he was unsure about our relationship and needed time to think.

 

He had cheated on me in November when he said he wasn't sure of our relationship

 

Do we see a pattern here?