Have i ruined my relationship with my Jealous and Controlling behaviour??

[JimmyJones89]

Hi, not sure if this is in the correct category so apologise if it isn't.

 

Right not really sure where to start. I met my girlfriend in November and we have been exclusive since end of december. The next 4 months were fantastic, i took her virginity. Towards the end of april she started a job at the other end of the country (i knew this when we started dating) until november. Before she left she was telling me shed call all the time and text etc. However i have only been called 4 times since then and this is only because i did the calling. Anyway her lack of communication (i have been to see her a few times btw) made me feel like she had lost interest and found someone else. So i started to get a bit controlling and id get mad at her if she said something that didn't really sound right. This continued for a little while and then last week she told me she was going travelling in december. This come after all the talk of her wanting to come home and move in with me in november bla bla bla. So obviously i kicked up a stink saying she wasn't committed and didn't care about me and we argued all weekend. Then sunday evening i come to my senses, i do not want to loose this girl! So we talked it out and i told her id stop getting angry and controlling and she gave me one more chance, anymore and she walks. So this week she has been a little distant which is fair enough, yesterday i get two texts all day and she completely ignores me all night. Then i see on Facebook shed been tagged chilling with a friend and 2 other guys. so instantly the insecurity comes rushing back but i kept my mouth shut. Then earlier today she said tonight she's going to a beach party with loads of booze and everyones going to be there and she says she's leaving her phone at home because she doesn't want to loose it (doesn't want to talk to me basically).

 

Has the argument/my behaviour caused her to not feel the same? She said she loves me but i just keep thinking that she is only saying that to shut me up. Surely if you love someone you try your hardest to communicate! I seriously have no idea what to do, i love her but I am plagued with thoughts of her cheating.

 

HELP please.

[ohsooluvly]

Sounds like she's having a fling.

[elaine567]

I am presuming since you took her virginity, she is young.

I guess 4 months wasn't really long enough together, for her to form a tight bond with you.

She now has a "controlling" LDR bf, who is not there, and she is out having fun, and I guess she feels entitled to have fun. Why wouldn't she, she is young.

 

LDRs are very difficult, I guess she is no longer invested in you, whether she is actually cheating or not it is hard to say, but I feel it is pretty certain, she is just not feeling it anymore.

[Redhead14]

Hi, not sure if this is in the correct category so apologise if it isn't.

 

Right not really sure where to start. I met my girlfriend in November and we have been exclusive since end of december. The next 4 months were fantastic, i took her virginity. Towards the end of april she started a job at the other end of the country (i knew this when we started dating) until november. Before she left she was telling me shed call all the time and text etc. However i have only been called 4 times since then and this is only because i did the calling. Anyway her lack of communication (i have been to see her a few times btw) made me feel like she had lost interest and found someone else. So i started to get a bit controlling and id get mad at her if she said something that didn't really sound right. This continued for a little while and then last week she told me she was going travelling in december. This come after all the talk of her wanting to come home and move in with me in november bla bla bla. So

obviously i kicked up a stink saying she wasn't committed and didn't care about me and we argued all weekend. Then sunday evening i come to my senses, i do not want to loose this girl! So we talked it out and i told her id stop getting angry and controlling and she gave me one more chance, anymore

and she walks. So this week she has been a little distant which is fair enough, yesterday i get two texts all day and she completely ignores me all night. Then i see on Facebook shed been tagged chilling with a friend and 2 other guys. so instantly the insecurity comes rushing back but i kept my mouth shut. Then

earlier today she said tonight she's going to a beach party with loads of booze and everyones going to be there and she says she's leaving her phone at home because she doesn't want to loose it (doesn't want to talk to me basically).m

 

Has the argument/my behaviour caused her to not feel the same? She said she loves me but i just keep thinking that she is only saying that to shut me up. Surely if you love someone you try your hardest to communicate! I seriously have no idea what to do, i love her but I am plagued with thoughts

of her cheating.

 

HELP please.

 

She never calls you. That by itself tells you alot. Whether or not she is cheating, it's irrelevant. She isnt keeping in touch because there wasn't a strong enough connection before she left anyway. Id say you were feeling that on some level but pushing that concern away. Denial. Go no contsct withher and go out an enjoy your life.

[smackie9]

Basically when she left you both should have broken up. Long distance relationships (most of them) are a waste of time.

 

As the song goes, you can't always get what you want. She is young and now enjoying her independence, which is fair. You want someone by your side? she's not the one for you, go find someone who wants the same. Pretty simple.

 

It's not working out, so stop fighting it. Let her go.

Edited July 19, 2015 by smackie9

[Space Ritual]

Jimmy,

 

Long distance relationships require a boatload of trust between both parties to be successful.

 

That is difficult enough in a perfect world. In the real world it rarely works out. You are not the first one to go through this and you won't be the last.

 

She simply found someone local to her that she is interested in. It's as simple as that. Go date somebody local to you. Your LDR is at an end. Move on.

[babycakees]

I think it's time to face the facts. This relationship isn't going to work.

 

I would really think twice next time about getting involved with someone who was leaving for across the country.

[lolablue17]

Basically when she left you both should have broken up. Long distance relationships (most of them) are a waste of time.

 

As the song goes, you can't always get what you want. She is young and now enjoying her independence, which is fair. You want someone by your side? she's not the one for you, go find someone who wants the same. Pretty simple.

 

It's not working out, so stop fighting it. Let her go.

 

When you show your insecurities in a long distance R, you lose every card you had. You have no hand at all.

 

You're totally her doormat, she does with you as she please, and in addition, your manhood fades out.

 

I can tell you that if she wanted you so much, and was stressed that you might sleep with another girl, she wouldn't leave her phone at her room. She does it only because she knows, she has many options, while she thinks you have none.

 

Break up with her now. If you want some ego boost, don't bother notifying her about it. She will understand by herself when she notices that you ignore her completely.

[nouedis]

You messed it up man

Way to go

[JimmyJones89]

We split up last night. She said she loved me but the distance wasn't working. Now life sucks!!! O well.

[elaine567]

We split up last night. She said she loved me but the distance wasn't working. Now life sucks!!! O well.

 

I wouldn't beat yourself up about this, circumstances conspired.

Young woman, new place, new people, new experiences, new friends, you couldn't compete.

YOU tried to bring her back to your world, she didn't want to be taken back, she was happy where she was.

[a22g]

Long distance relationships are indeed possible, but take an extraordinary amount of work and trust as someone had mentioned before. Getting overly angry and jealous tells her that you are insecure and lacking of self control. Listen, we all get that way. Some deal with it in different ways. Relationships are tough. I have already seen 75% of my friends divorce/re-marry/ and divorce again. It is insane. It takes two to tango, and if you feel that she is not respecting you the way you ought to be, then cut the chord. Take it as a life-experience. I always hated when people say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they are correct. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. They are a gift to us. Even if she has not treated you the way you wanted, she is still a gift because it is teaching you something. Teaching you how to be stronger and learning how to do and not do certain things in life as you progress though it. Good luck, pal.

[JimmyJones89]

It's been over a week since we broke up! Had no contact since. I just can't stop thinking about her. Did she even care? I want to call and see how she is so much! Will she ever speak to me again?