Giggle Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 He has decided he's gonna have to get a pre-paid to leave at work to talk to me with because his wife is hyper vigilant of his phone usage. She tells him she can tell when he's using the app. And then aaaall the data he uses. A phone just for me. That just bothers me so so much. I told him that I don't think I can let him do that. Makes limited amounts of sense, but ugh. Sometimes I want to see the things he says to get her off his back. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Yeah, when it gets to that I think it's time to call it quits. He's not changing anything. And how can you be happy with such a restricted relationship. Clearly he's never leaving, he just wants to get better at lying and deceiving. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I had a problem with that too. Just something about the concept. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 So his ability to communicate with you just got easier for him since he'd only know if you needed him while he's at work? I suppose he needs to work when he's there so that doesn't leave much time for you. He's basically saying you just got moved even further down the priority list. I'd tell him to stick that prepaid phone up his ass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giggle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Clearly he's never leaving, he just wants to get better at lying and deceiving. Oh no, very much never leaving. He very much wants to keep his life AND adoration. Both in the same bed would be even better. Sigh. Lord give me the strength. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Oh no, very much never leaving. He very much wants to keep his life AND adoration. Both in the same bed would be even better. Sigh. Lord give me the strength. i have only one advice for u: END IT. end it now, not later, not tomorrow. u seem to know what will be the end of it. stop this agony and heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 He has decided he's gonna have to get a pre-paid to leave at work to talk to me with because his wife is hyper vigilant of his phone usage. She tells him she can tell when he's using the app. And then aaaall the data he uses. A phone just for me. That just bothers me so so much. I told him that I don't think I can let him do that. Makes limited amounts of sense, but ugh. Sometimes I want to see the things he says to get her off his back. Apply this to you some day, the things he'll tell you to get you off his back. Have you pushed him to leave his wife and divorce her so you two can be together? If he is unhappy in his marriage, wouldn't you think he'd want to divorce and actually put a plan together to make it happen? Seems to me he's just interesting in having you on the side, as an affair. Is that enough for you? If so, for how long before you feel like 2nd fiddle and not a priority in his life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giggle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Ending it.. Easy to advise, not so much to do Actually HappyAgain he manages to chat quite a lot at work. Hundreds of messages a day. It boggles the mind. And in one way he feels he can offer me more this way, because we can call and talk on the phone. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling bothered by a separate phone. Sometimes we wonder if we are being unreasonable. Yes the whole situation stinks, but I think the help we provide each other comes in helping each other recognize our limits and support in standing up our limits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Ending it.. Easy to advise, not so much to do Actually HappyAgain he manages to chat quite a lot at work. Hundreds of messages a day. It boggles the mind. And in one way he feels he can offer me more this way, because we can call and talk on the phone. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling bothered by a separate phone. Sometimes we wonder if we are being unreasonable. Yes the whole situation stinks, but I think the help we provide each other comes in helping each other recognize our limits and support in standing up our limits. I call BS. You want to end it? Just end it. My A was intense and passionate and caught real feelings (although we never discussed it directly). When we said it was done it was. Granted we had an added motivation of a suspicious wife, and both of us were married. But the end result is the same: self preservation. Put yourself first every time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. The phone thing is so cheap and shabby. How does he live with himself? How do you live with him? Edited July 19, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Ending it.. Easy to advise, not so much to do Actually HappyAgain he manages to chat quite a lot at work. Hundreds of messages a day. It boggles the mind. And in one way he feels he can offer me more this way, because we can call and talk on the phone. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling bothered by a separate phone. Sometimes we wonder if we are being unreasonable. Yes the whole situation stinks, but I think the help we provide each other comes in helping each other recognize our limits and support in standing up our limits. He can offer you more with the prepaid phone? If we were talking about expectations of a sleazy pen pal, I'd agree. Love and a future? No Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giggle Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 I call BS. You want to end it? Just end it. Oh I will freely admit I don't want to. Sometimes I wish I did. He means a lot to me. But thank you for helping clarify my limit. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 When reading threads like this, the same question always comes to mind: "How can you be satisfied with so little?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giggle Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Lol. So why do you read them? So little... For me it's an amazing little. Shrug. A fun comparison would be how little a woman can get from an emotional constipated workaholic. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Lol. So why do you read them? So little... For me it's an amazing little. Shrug. A fun comparison would be how little a woman can get from an emotional constipated workaholic. I read them because I find them interesting. Why do you read/post them? Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Satu --"how can she live with him"? She doesn't live with him, his hyper vigilant of his phone usage wife does. Wonder how that is working for her? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 He has decided he's gonna have to get a pre-paid to leave at work to talk to me with because his wife is hyper vigilant of his phone usage. She tells him she can tell when he's using the app. And then aaaall the data he uses. A phone just for me. That just bothers me so so much. I told him that I don't think I can let him do that. Makes limited amounts of sense, but ugh. Sometimes I want to see the things he says to get her off his back. What I think this is its just a sliver of the truth. Whatever the emotional tie you have, he will protect his W first. And maybe its not W - but the illusion - or maybe the kids. In any case, its a not-so-subtle reminder to the lengths he goes to protect his "family life". Only an utter fool would fail to question that - how can you not think "Where do I fit in?" - "How important am I (to him)"? And in thus is jealousy. Jealous of the life his BS has - her H and kids and all that (but really, her H is lying cheating snake so don't be TOO jealous). The truth? Who knows. What matters is: it bothers you. I think it should. Maybe you should reexamine the A, your life, and what you want out of it all. Actually...great question: What do you want out of your A? (and yes, its not lost on me that he himself creates the thing he must shield his W from) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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