4 years after emotional affair, met up with her

[Lappin1]

I really need some help here. I met a girl 4 years ago and we had a very intense emotional affair. She was married with 2 kids, but unhappy (I know, classic story !). We both fell madly in love with each other, she talked about leaving everything for me but at the end, of course she didn't do it. I ended up totally crushed and even needed some therapy. That was pretty bad ! But I learned a lot and I'm not an AFC or beta guy anymore.

 

Anyways, it was 4 years ago. Meanwhile I had a girlfriend for 3 years, but we broke up 2 months ago. 3 weeks ago, I texted the "married" girl after 4 years (I know, this is pretty stupid). Turns out, she left her husband a year ago and she now has a new boyfriend of 4 months.

 

We went for a quick beer yesterday. She was all over me, seriously. I let her did most of the talking. I flirted and teased her and joked but all in a very fun way. At some point, totally out of the blue, she told me that our affair was the most intense thing she ever had, that she remembers everything like it was yesterday. My answer to that was : "oh well, it was 4 years ago, I forgot most of it". Anyways, she was pretty intense, was smiling and laughing all the time and acting like a 13 years old girl madly in love. It was exactly like 4 years ago, except that I managed to deflect her tests and questions and kept it light because I'm not going to be her pet like the first time.

 

Oh, and at some point she said that it is going great with her bf but that he was moving a bit too fast for her.

 

I never talked about meeting up again but she said 6 times that we can't wait another 4 years before meeting up again and that we should do something soon.

 

Wtf am I suppose do that with that ? Ignore her completely and go back in total no contact like I did in the past 4 years ? Ask her out ? Let her ask me out ?

 

I'm a bit lost here. Thanks for any input and sry for my english, not my mother tongue..

[Giggle]

Yep! Avoid further contact. You remember how awful it was, why do you want to do that again?

[whichwayisup]

She could have looked you up once she was divorced, but she didn't. She found someone else and already she's willing to cheat on him. This woman has no character, no respect for commitment. she's a cheater and hasn't learned anything.

You dodged a bullet, stay out of her life!!

 

 

Wtf am I suppose do that with that ? Ignore her completely and go back in total no contact like I did in the past 4 years ? Ask her out ? Let her ask me out ?

 

You were fine without her for FOUR years. You will be fine without her..Period.

 

Why are you so interested in getting back with her, other than sex? Do you really believe you can build an honest life with her? Trust her fully?

Edited July 19, 2015 by whichwayisup

[Popsicle]

What stands out to me is that she didn't contact you when she divorced. That alone would make me not want to see her again.

[Lappin1]

You all have valid points hehe.

 

Except that I think she never contacted me because we are friends on FB and knew I was in a relationship and happy.

 

She also told me yesterday that she tought I was still mad at her (which is crazy since it's been 4 years )

[GoldenAxe]

Slippery slope son, proceed with the utmost of caution.

[Lappin1]

UPDATE

As I was feeling super anxious trying not to contact her and it clearly wasn't working, I chose to send her a text saying that we should not see each other anymore.

 

I told her that it would have been different if she was single, but since she is in a relationship, I'm not comfortable with seeing her again. I told her that I'm glad for her if her relationship is great and added that if in the near future she was single again, she still owes me a beer (an inside joke between us).

 

She responded 5 minutes after :

Hi you, I agree with what you wrote... I have been thinking about all that since yesterday and I'm glad you wrote first. Be sure that if I'm back on the market in the near future, I'll gladly offer you that beer

Otherwise, I really liked seeing you and I had a lovely time. Until then, take care of yourself xoxox.

 

I guess I won't hear from her again and it's ok. I feel much better now. Thanks again for your advices.

Edited July 21, 2015 by Lappin1

[FusionCutter]

Once a cheater, always a cheater I guess.

[OldRover]

Once a cheater, always a cheater I guess.

 

 

Not really.... people change both ways.

[OldRover]

UPDATE

As I was feeling super anxious trying not to contact her and it clearly wasn't working, I chose to send her a text saying that we should not see each other anymore.

 

I told her that it would have been different if she was single, but since she is in a relationship, I'm not comfortable with seeing her again. I told her that I'm glad for her if her relationship is great and added that if in the near future she was single again, she still owes me a beer (an inside joke between us).

 

She responded 5 minutes after :

Hi you, I agree with what you wrote... I have been thinking about all that since yesterday and I'm glad you wrote first. Be sure that if I'm back on the market in the near future, I'll gladly offer you that beer

Otherwise, I really liked seeing you and I had a lovely time. Until then, take care of yourself xoxox.

 

I guess I won't hear from her again and it's ok. I feel much better now. Thanks again for your advices.

 

I'd be surprised if you don't hear from her again. A 4 month relationship isn't very long unless there's some super huge chemistry, which is not the norm. And she seems VERY interested in you. Then you can post again.....