Does my co-worker know I like her, and can I compliment her again?

[bp123]

I've worked with a woman at work for a couple years now, and I never really thought much about her. Didn't talk much with her (besides work-related stuff), since I'm a pretty quiet guy.

 

Well a couple months ago, Cupid hit me with an arrow. I guess I finally realized what a wonderful person she is, because I really like her now.

 

Shortly after my realization, she got a haircut, and I complimented her on it. Her reaction was one of surprise (since such a comment from me is totally out of character), but she was genuinely flattered as she thanked me and gave me a really wonderful smile.

 

Since then I've been trying to talk to her a lot more often. I've talked to her more in the past couple months than I did in the previous 2 years. I've also been trying to share some personal things about myself, and ask about her personal life, which I never did before. One time I really wanted to share an interest of mine with her and I was so nervous that my voice was shaking, and I'm sure she noticed that.

 

Another time she gave a presentation in front of a bunch of people, and afterwards I stuck around, because my boss and I had to ask her a work-related question. Well then my boss started talking to her for over an hour about other things, and I just stuck around the whole time. Then we forgot to ask her the question we had wanted to ask. She must have wondered why I was lingering for so long for no apparent reason.

 

Why am I mentioning all this? I am certain that due to the compliment I gave her and the fact that I'm suddenly talking to her a lot more, she has to know that I like her. But I have a therapist that I talk to regularly, and I have mentioned all this stuff to him, and he doesn't think she knows. He thinks that maybe she only thinks I'm trying to be friendly. I disagree with him. What do you guys think?

 

Time to mention one more thing. She's married. But don't worry, I understand that and I'm not going to be making any moves on her. But I'd like to be friends with her. And my therapist thinks that talking to her would be a good way for me to improve my social skills.

 

I think that she kind of likes the attention I've been giving her recently. So far she hasn't mentioned her husband or kids at all when I've talked to her. Also, she has to walk past my office to leave the building, and recently she's been smiling and waving at me when she walks by.

 

What do you guys think of me giving her additional compliments? She has an amazing smile, so I'd like to flatter her by complimenting that. I thought one compliment (on the haircut) was OK, but would another compliment be fine or is that starting to be too much?

Edited July 20, 2015 by bp123

[rester]

In my opinion, complimenting a married coworker's new haircut is fine if you're friendly with her, but telling her she has a nice smile is pushing work-appropriate boundaries. I would keep things professional.

[Wiff180]

Personally I think you are setting yourself up for a fall here. Ok, so say you do start complimenting her more. What do you think will come from it ? She's married - there is NO WAY this is going anywhere.

You may well start feeling more for her as you get closer to her and then it will be awkward for you. The problem with working with someone you like is there is no escape from it unless you leave, and in this case - she's married too. Do yourself a favour and keep your distance. Sorry - I can imagine that's not what you want to hear.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

You only want to be friends with her because you now have feelings for her. That's inappropriate because she's married. Your therapist is wrong. He should not encourage you to flirt with a married coworker. Why are you seeing a therapist anyways?

[preraph]

I think maybe the therapist isn't working with full information. You have a crush on this lady and if you pursue her, it will only hurt you. She probably knows you're being a little more than friendly. Why do I say that? Because you are a guy. Women know guys are mainly friendly and complimentary when they are attracted to you. I don't imagine you have gone around the office telling any old ladies you like their hair. We're not blind. It's fine to be polite, but I would stop with the compliments. Most offices have a policy that commenting on personal appearance is not okay. You need to find an interest outside of work.

[bp123]

Alright, no more compliments then. I don't want her to become uncomfortable.

 

My brain agrees with you all, but I guess my heart really enjoys the interactions I have with her. As far as being hurt, I've already felt the pain of knowing that I can't have her. My therapist (who I've been seeing for anxiety issues) did say that he preferred that I try to distance myself and get over her, but it's very difficult since I am reminded of how wonderful she is every time I see her (almost every day). He said that if I'm going to talk to her, I might as well get some conversational practice out of it. Leaving the company is not an option, since I have a pretty good work situation and they've given me two big raises in the last 4 months.

[pink_sugar]

You have a crush on a married woman. Best not to go any further.