gettingstronger Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I am not trying to minimize anyones feelings here- but realistically- how many people would search the database even IF it were to be made available- I know I would not search it- Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 BH, would it make sense for you to talk to your kids in advance ? OMG! No..... Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I am not trying to minimize anyones feelings here- but realistically- how many people would search the database even IF it were to be made available- I know I would not search it- I sure as $@#* would! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) As I recall, there was only a charge (and thus, a need for your credit card) if you initiated a message to someone. Subsequent message to the same person were free. I think I paid $5 to send a msg to the person that became my AP. It's the credit card data that would have the real name, address, etc.. It's ironic to think how much I've avoided the urge to put my exwife up on a cheater site. And now I'm the one more likely to be publicly exposed. There's no end to my consequences apparently. I'm just looking forward to the day when my kids find out. There is no fairness whatsoever in this world if you of all people end up getting hurt by this. I honestly seriously doubt that they will ever get away with publishing all that information anywhere. OP, how did you pay if not by credit card? It seems like that (or PayPal or something) would be the only way to pay. I can't think of any way that would not have a name attached. (An AM gift card???) Along with really feeling for the OP, I have to agree with Hope. We never really know the full story about anyone's life, not really. Of course, in SOME ways maybe all we need to know is "so-and-so cheated." But I think people with a larger view/intellect/compassion can see the wrongness of that fact AND beyond it. In BH's example, his story is over, for all practical purposes. He suffered, yes, he made a bad choice, and he suffered for that as well. The OP has suffered. Yes, she also made a bad choice, but she has worked hard and been transparent with the ONE person to whom it is owed - her husband, up to and including telling him about AM yesterday. And yet, now, because of the illegal actions of a few, these painful pieces of the past now rush to the present....again. For those who believe in perpetual punishment (whether they admit it or not), this may seem justified. But I cannot imagine anyone with conscience and an ounce of pragmatism not having some sympathy. I am not trying to minimize anyones feelings here- but realistically- how many people would search the database even IF it were to be made available- I know I would not search it- You'd be amazed at the number of people who are years past their own D-Days who relish any chance for any wayward - whether they know them or not - to be humiliated. I personally find that.....disturbing and sad, but it is what it is. Edited July 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I sure as $@#* would! Really? Why? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I wonder how many people are mulling preemptive conversations with spouses and family members. With 37M claimed members, that's a lot of potential damage. BH, would it make sense for you to talk to your kids in advance ? Mr. Lucky I've gone four years without the kids knowing about their mother's affair or my own. It would require a big change in mindset. My kids have done remarkably well through all of this and I think it has a lot to do with leaving the adult crap to the adults. I'm also bound by my marital settlement agreement not to disparage my ex in any way with the kids. I think revealing the affairs would qualify. Perhaps someday when they are adults, if they have serious questions about why we divorce. To date, that just hasn't happened. I think they accepted it long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 My kids have done remarkably well through all of this and I think it has a lot to do with leaving the adult crap to the adults. Certainly agree, was just thinking about disclosure from the hack. Huge database so, were there leaks would guess famous names would have the most traction. Lousy set of circumstances regardless... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bittersweetie Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Thank you again everyone for the comments. I was traveling today and just came back. My H and I talked again last night just about the fact that this incident brought up a lot of emotions for both of us that we hadn't been through in a long time. Not that we'd been rugsweeping or anything like that, but we'd been living our lives in the present and looking forward. It was hard for both of us to be brought back to that fresh pain again. We are doing better today though. Like I said, I didn't pay for anything as back then girls didn't pay for anything, and I didn't even have to pay to delete the account. But the thought of any of that info...data from the lowest point of my life...being out there hurts. Hurts for my H, for me. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Like I said, I didn't pay for anything as back then girls didn't pay for anything, and I didn't even have to pay to delete the account. But the thought of any of that info...data from the lowest point of my life...being out there hurts. Hurts for my H, for me. Bittersweetie, I posted this on another tread on LS. (this is the edited version) Things are not as bad as you think, so do not beat yourself up. It is to your credit that your first thought is of your husband, and his pain and hurt. Hope you both feel better soon. The odds of what you did on AH coming out, well I would say about 25%. If you did not use a CC, and used a fake email account, then you really do not have much to worry about. Do not believe the CSI shows on TV and in the movies, this is a lot harder then you may think. You have to remember the big hack of the U.S. Government, was from the inside, and unencrypted data placed on the thumb drive. If this is the case, you will still need to set up a large database, with some real computing power to make it widely available, and because ether data is illegal, how you are going to do that with out Law enforcement shutting you down. It is a lot of data, that is not easy to organize, and so fourth, and because it is "hacked" Law enforcement will take it down, or do other things to make it useless. Remember government have a vested interest to take down this information. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I hear ya....every time that friggen AM Zombie commercial comes on I watch my wife squirm and pretend she doesn't notice it's on the TV 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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