SpicyColombians Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Both my wife and twin sister have been in the United States for about 2.5 and 3 years. My wifes sister had already gotten 'engaged' to an older gentleman and came to the states right after we found out I knocked up my wife. I feel me and my wife's meeting was organic, I was backpacking through South America, poor, and smelt bad. We are 5 years apart (vs 20 or so) and is sincere with her feelings towards me. Her sister has since left the original guy and has other suitors whom pay her way. My wife has gone to school a bit but for the most part stays home with our son (has recently started driving Uber). I feel not a day or conversation goes by uninterrupted without a text or a phone call from her sister. Their connection is intense, and I feel it hinders both of them from growing individually or independently (although my concern is more for my wife, I couldn't really care what her twin sister does). I made the stupid decision of inviting her sister and daughter to live with us (I know this was a bad idea but she had money coming in and I was financially stressed starting a new company). It lasted all of 3 months before I exploded and a huge fight ensued. Their "conversations" were like two high school girls bickering and fighting and I felt the atmosphere in our household became very negative. They all packed up in the car and left to Los Angeles, where my wife's sister's new 'boyfriend' resides. He was nice enough to put her up in a hotel for a week for $1000. My wife and son are back and we are working to communicate better to improve our relationship and emotional connection. In the past I had always felt the sisters were a little to close and told my wife once before I think she needed to focus more on school and raising our son than be talking, texting and Skyping with her sister every day. This was a couple years ago and was for the most part ignored. I feel I may have said something a few times but we agreed there was in fact at least one conversation. Now, after living together, I've made it clear I do not like her sister and we've had serious arguments since she came home (a couple weeks), she says its because "I don't like her now". I feel I am just more verbal about it now. She also said I'm being controlling and telling her who she can and can't talk with. Which stems from other friends or influences she has that has led to her smoking meth (just once) but making other bad decisions and receiving negative perspectives that has her coming home saying - "San Diego was so much better a place to live, Sacramento sucks, I want to go back". Even though there is truth to it, our lives are not that bad. We have started couples counseling but that is one hour a week and haven't begun digging into this sister issue. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Both my wife and twin sister have been in the United States for about 2.5 and 3 years. My wifes sister had already gotten 'engaged' to an older gentleman and came to the states right after we found out I knocked up my wife. I feel me and my wife's meeting was organic, I was backpacking through South America, poor, and smelt bad. We are 5 years apart (vs 20 or so) and is sincere with her feelings towards me. Her sister has since left the original guy and has other suitors whom pay her way. My wife has gone to school a bit but for the most part stays home with our son (has recently started driving Uber). I feel not a day or conversation goes by uninterrupted without a text or a phone call from her sister. Their connection is intense, and I feel it hinders both of them from growing individually or independently (although my concern is more for my wife, I couldn't really care what her twin sister does). I made the stupid decision of inviting her sister and daughter to live with us (I know this was a bad idea but she had money coming in and I was financially stressed starting a new company). It lasted all of 3 months before I exploded and a huge fight ensued. Their "conversations" were like two high school girls bickering and fighting and I felt the atmosphere in our household became very negative. They all packed up in the car and left to Los Angeles, where my wife's sister's new 'boyfriend' resides. He was nice enough to put her up in a hotel for a week for $1000. My wife and son are back and we are working to communicate better to improve our relationship and emotional connection. In the past I had always felt the sisters were a little to close and told my wife once before I think she needed to focus more on school and raising our son than be talking, texting and Skyping with her sister every day. This was a couple years ago and was for the most part ignored. I feel I may have said something a few times but we agreed there was in fact at least one conversation. Now, after living together, I've made it clear I do not like her sister and we've had serious arguments since she came home (a couple weeks), she says its because "I don't like her now". I feel I am just more verbal about it now. She also said I'm being controlling and telling her who she can and can't talk with. Which stems from other friends or influences she has that has led to her smoking meth (just once) but making other bad decisions and receiving negative perspectives that has her coming home saying - "San Diego was so much better a place to live, Sacramento sucks, I want to go back". Even though there is truth to it, our lives are not that bad. We have started couples counseling but that is one hour a week and haven't begun digging into this sister issue. What do you think? Depending on how close she is with her sister, you may have to just live with it, however, you should be able to temper it and have some ground rules and you and your wife should clearly understand what the rules are, and if the sister visits, you'll both have to agree on things. However, you certainly don't need the sister controlling your (or your wife's lives) I had a similar situation with a brother of my lady, and we both agreed on some ground rules and stuck by them and worked out fine. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I'm not a twin but I have 3 sisters. We are very close. My husband does not interfere with our friendships because he knows how important my family is to me. I personally would be upset if my husband told me I was communicating too much with my family, and I understand why your wife is upset too. Instead of trying to force her to give up her friendship with a person who has been with her since birth, why not just decide to accept your wife for who she is? You don't have to agree with your wife's twin, but you need to respect her and respect the importance she has in your wife's life. I have 2 friends who have twins. They speak to their twin sisters everyday, and are very close. For many (though not all) twins, a twin is a built-in best friend. Please respect that and please don't try to tear them up anymore? Now, what about your wife do you like? Why not focus on the positive? Also, I recommend that you read the thread about long term relationships. You can learn a lot of great advice from people who have been happily married for a long time. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/538400-good-marriages-long-term-relationships Also, blowing up at your wife does not make a good relationship. It hurts your relationship. Being kind does help your relationship. Bendiciones 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I have 2 friends who have twins. They speak to their twin sisters everyday, and are very close. For many (though not all) twins, a twin is a built-in best friend. Agreed. Hard to think of a more inherently futile course of action than complaining about the bond between twin sisters. What the heck did you expect ??? She was a twin long before she was a wife... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 OP From my husband's perspective, I understand where you're coming from. I speak to my sister everyday, sometimes more than once a day even and we reside in the same city. I think part of the thing is that men don't usually chat quite as much on the phone, so they don't understand it. My H can go more than 6 months without calling his siblings and he doesn't quite get why I speak to mine a lot more. He used to say "what's changed since yesterday that you have to speak to her today " or I could be at my sister's house, get home and could call her if I remember something. I'm pretty sure her H and my H were irritated by it. So we cut down on our chats in the evening when at home and speak during the morning commute or before my H gets back from work. I don't let talking to my sister interfere with doing things with my H or my kids. If your wife is neglecting things when speaking to your SIL, then I can see a little with you , but clearly don't like your SIL which isn't great. I wouldn't let my H dictate how much I speak to any of my family though. If you try and dictate for her , it won't go down well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts