Specific to the OM/OW Forum why are you here?

[Raena]

I'm here because I suspected that my long time partner was cheating again and I needed to share my story. Not long after my first post I found out the truth and had a D-Day. The main reason why I read the OW/OM forum is to understand the whole story, not just MY point of view. I wanted to know why any woman would want to be involved with someone for over a year knowing full well that he was living with the mother of his child and that she was completely unaware of how disloyal he was being... or then why she would want to be with him after D-Day and he was booted from the house. Why would she wants someone she clearly knew had the ability to cheat and lie so well that the other person had NO idea what was going on? Why did she think he wouldn't do it to her. Why did she think she had any right to speak in a derogatory way about ME? I didn't get it and the questions were endless for me... I was trying to understand it all.

 

I think now... a year and a half later that I do understand it a little better. I don't know that I'll ever fully understand, but then again, I don't understand why I stayed with him for so long anyway when he showed me by his actions that he wasn't the man I needed him to be despite how well he convinced me with his words that he was.

 

I'm still healing but I think I'm well on my way now and vast majority of that was from talking to a good friend about it endlessly, blogging and coming here to read and post.

 

It doesn't matter which forum these days... I read both infidelity and OW/OM threads or anything else that peaks my interest. I specifically came to this thread though to try and understand it from the point of view of the AP.

[NewLeaf512]

I'm here because I suspected that my long time partner was cheating again and I needed to share my story. Not long after my first post I found out the truth and had a D-Day. The main reason why I read the OW/OM forum is to understand the whole story, not just MY point of view. I wanted to know why any woman would want to be involved with someone for over a year knowing full well that he was living with the mother of his child and that she was completely unaware of how disloyal he was being... or then why she would want to be with him after D-Day and he was booted from the house. Why would she wants someone she clearly knew had the ability to cheat and lie so well that the other person had NO idea what was going on? Why did she think he wouldn't do it to her. Why did she think she had any right to speak in a derogatory way about ME? I didn't get it and the questions were endless for me... I was trying to understand it all.

 

I think now... a year and a half later that I do understand it a little better. I don't know that I'll ever fully understand, but then again, I don't understand why I stayed with him for so long anyway when he showed me by his actions that he wasn't the man I needed him to be despite how well he convinced me with his words that he was.

 

I'm still healing but I think I'm well on my way now and vast majority of that was from talking to a good friend about it endlessly, blogging and coming here to read and post.

 

It doesn't matter which forum these days... I read both infidelity and OW/OM threads or anything else that peaks my interest. I specifically came to this thread though to try and understand it from the point of view of the AP.

 

 

Thanks for your post. It really helped me to know what the BS's viewpoint was

[N2053]

I'm a MM (in an affair with co-worker) and started coming here because there's no real outlets for conversation about this in the real world. I usually just lurk to avoid the attacks when posting about my situation. . but generally i'd say the advice and perspectives people give here are understanding and insightful.

[solostand]

I've certainly come a long way since I first started coming here. When I first came, I was in the midst of a very intense affair with a MM, and I believed every word he told me. I thought we were "soul mates" (yes, he had a copy of the cheater's handbook) and were in love love love. Oh, he told me he had never been in love before me, yada yada yada. etc. etc. etc.

At the time the affair started, I was in a very vulnerable period and I just sucked it right up.

The affair lasted 2.5 years but I can say now that I have truly put it behind me. There was a lot of drama, Ddays, toxic engagements, you name it.

Over time, as they always do, things fell apart but I put up with alot in that relationship and it truly damaged me. It ended, finally, because I moved and I am so glad I did. I don't know if I'd still be stuck there but I tried to get out so many times, just couldn't do it.

Now, I'm here reading other's stories, finding they are all basically the same. I hope someday to be in a position to help. I got lots of advice here, and a lot of it I hated. But now I can see it was all correct.

Now I stay because it just reinforces for me how it was all just a great big lie.

[Tread Carefully]

I am a bs and I came here to try to understand more about OW. In my limited knowledge I thought all OW were gold diggers hell bent on destroying families and when they accomplished that, they laughed and skipped on to the next sucker.

 

Boy was I wrong. The OW on this forum have taught me that real feelings and love and pain are all felt very intensely when wrapped up tightly in an A.

 

I feel for every single one of you. I cry when I hear your pain, I celebrate when you achieve and conquer NC. I feel sad and confused when we are all trying to understand or mind read wth is going on with the MM.

 

Not all MM are cruel heartless bastards. My exH fell head over heals for his OW. I divorced him because his heart was no longer mine. I don't regret it for a second. He went to her and she dumped him because it wasn't fun anymore...sh*t got real and she didn't want anything to do with reality.

 

Being on here has shown me that women like her are apparently in the minority.

 

Thank you very much ladies for sharing your stories. We are all women, no matter our labels...BS/WW/OW/MOW etc. We should try harder to be kinder to one another and hold off on the judgements.

 

And also, thank you for all that you've taught me. It's helped me tremendously to be able to let go of the anger I had and the awful stereotype in my head. I'm very grateful for finding LS.

[usernametaken]

I'm a lurker here. I am here because I'm in a relationship that started as a long term affair. I divorced, he divorced later, and now we have been dating for a while. It's been pretty smooth sailing for almost a year now, but prior to that it was a lot of drama. Like way too much. I suppose I'm a success story, but I'm not naive enough to pretend our relationship didn't leave a lot of bodies in its wake. And I'm never going to be happy about that.

 

I appreciate the insight here. I like the reality jolt I get that our relationship success isn't a given, particularly given its genesis. Life isn't about rose colored glasses.

 

I also appreciate that this board seems more balanced, so to speak, than a lot of infidelity boards. The cheaters and cheatees post here. Not to much sunshine up anyone's assess. Etc.

 

It's as close to a human approach I have found on a message board dedicated to infidelity.

 

I would post more, but I have serious privacy concerns.

[Dela]

I'm a lurker here. I am here because I'm in a relationship that started as a long term affair. I divorced, he divorced later, and now we have been dating for a while. It's been pretty smooth sailing for almost a year now, but prior to that it was a lot of drama. Like way too much. I suppose I'm a success story, but I'm not naive enough to pretend our relationship didn't leave a lot of bodies in its wake. And I'm never going to be happy about that.

 

I appreciate the insight here. I like the reality jolt I get that our relationship success isn't a given, particularly given its genesis. Life isn't about rose colored glasses.

 

I also appreciate that this board seems more balanced, so to speak, than a lot of infidelity boards. The cheaters and cheatees post here. Not to much sunshine up anyone's assess. Etc.

 

It's as close to a human approach I have found on a message board dedicated to infidelity.

 

I would post more, but I have serious privacy concerns.

 

 

A brave man! Kudos! I wish u happiness in your relationship.

[unluckycharms]

I joined because I am in the process of trying to end things with the guy I've been seeing (who I just semi-recently found out is married) and wanted to read others' stories to inspire me and remind me that this is the right decision. It's tempting to think that your situation is unique and will turn out differently, and some do, but most don't and reading others' stories reminds me of that fact.

 

I'd also never been an "other woman" before, and hopefully never will be again, but it saddens me how much society vilifies us as crazy and evil. I certainly have my fair share of self esteem issues and my situation has taught me a lot about needing to put myself first, but I don't think that by virtue of falling for a married man I'm inherently worse and and more unstable with less self respect than his wife or anyone else. I hope that people reading sites like this can lead them to have some compassion and understanding.