free_radicals Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 My mom and dad have a history of arguments. It's especially concerning to me because dad has anger management issues and is an object thrower. He used to be an alcoholic but that got cleared up. Anyway, a recent event occurred where he broke my mom's cell and threw their computer tower against a wall. I'm sick of dad behaving this way. I texted dad to tell him that I want to talk to him on Skype (they live 30 mins away but he has an unpredictable work schedule) about the argument, and he says it's between him and mom, that the issue is solved, and has no further comment. It may be between them, but I feel bad for mom that she has to keep putting up with his behavior. My initial thought was to wait for him to reach out to me for any reason, then tell him that I will not see him or talk to him unless it's about the incident. I don't want for this issue to just disappear and pretend nothing happened. Any comments on this approach? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Most parents are not likely to burden their children with their marital problems. It's somewhat unhealthy for a child to take on that responsibility. If you think your mom is in danger, call the cops. Otherwise, do not expect that they will talk to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your mom is the one who has to address this issue with your dad. If she cannot convince him to go to counselling for his anger issues then she needs to leave him. There is nothing you can say to your father that will make him change. If your mom is not going to take a stand and change things then she probably needs to stop crying on your shoulder because it's not fair to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Breaking things in the home is more than an "anger management problem"...it's domestic violence. Do they have a landline or has he completely destroyed or attempted to destroy all means of communication for her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author free_radicals Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 She got another one, but it just angers me because this is so unnecessary and waste of money. Eventually this will happen again if nothing changes. I suppose I can let them fix the issue on their own...but I was the one that made my dad stop drinking by telling him to go to AA. Either ways, I don't feel comfortable talking with dad knowing that he's causing trouble so I'm gonna avoid him for the time being and see what happens. I can't simply talk and visit them and pretend everything is fine and dandy. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My initial thought was to wait for him to reach out to me for any reason, then tell him that I will not see him or talk to him unless it's about the incident. Pretend for a moment that these people are not your parents, they're just some other couple you know well and care about. Would it be appropriate at all to threaten to stop talking to one of them unless they'll talk about the incident with you? No it would not. You have to back out. I know it feels like it's your business since they're your parents and their arguments do have an impact on you, but you just have to let them live their own life. If you're concerned about your mom's well-being, you can give her one of those prepaid phones and she can hide in her closet until she needs it. Or you can offer her 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My mom and dad have a history of arguments. It's especially concerning to me because dad has anger management issues and is an object thrower. He used to be an alcoholic but that got cleared up. Anyway, a recent event occurred where he broke my mom's cell and threw their computer tower against a wall. I'm sick of dad behaving this way. I texted dad to tell him that I want to talk to him on Skype (they live 30 mins away but he has an unpredictable work schedule) about the argument, and he says it's between him and mom, that the issue is solved, and has no further comment. It may be between them, but I feel bad for mom that she has to keep putting up with his behavior. My initial thought was to wait for him to reach out to me for any reason, then tell him that I will not see him or talk to him unless it's about the incident. I don't want for this issue to just disappear and pretend nothing happened. Any comments on this approach? Your father will always be an alcoholic. That never goes away. Fact is, your father has an awful temper and is displaying violent reactions at home with your mom. It is up to HER to stay and continue to enable his behavior or she can leave. She's a grown woman and knows what her husband is like. Don't pull out threats or ultimatums, that will do no good when dealing with your father. Did your mom open up to you about what the argument was about? It really isn't your place or business to know the details of their arguments and fights. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Don't focus on your Dad. it's your Mum who needs support here. Sorry to all and I hope it's OK to do this but I often refer to some books I have read and reviewed on here re: abusive relationships as my last one was a baptism of fire luckily caught before it got any worse .and I'm going to refer again. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/524069-book-suggestions Take a look in here, also remember that your Mum's self esteem could be rock bottom so she may be too scared to do anything. I'm sorry to say but your Dad is unlikely to change nor accept what he is doing is wrong. He will have excuses and reasons precisely why he does whatever he does- eg 'she burnt the edge of my toast so I had no choice but to smash up her phone' Or 'she talks to her friend so I had n choice - I had to make a point'. There's a very cheapo read in my book suggestions and it tells you how things start and pan out - The Jealousy Game by Mandy White and you can get it on Kindle (you can download a free kindle app for it too). Please read that first and you will know much more about your parents relationship. It's a tough read but a short read.. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Also, just to say that an abusive man will generally smash something belonging to his partner and not something he owns. This is something I have seen mentioned over n over in the books I have read. Link to post Share on other sites
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