Marriage material

[candie13]

I'll come with a different pov. As long as you want to get married and have children, not sure you'll be able to pull it off.

 

I think marriage and children come naturally after meeting a good man, a partner who is blowing your mind. Anything else - like focusing on finding a partner who wants the same things as you - will blow in your face. It's even more complex than that. It's finding man compatible with you first, inlove and dedicated to you. Who also wants marriage and children.

 

To me, if you only focus on finding someone to marry and have babies, it's almost as if you're looking for a placeholder. Any man will do, as long as they aren't cheaters, abusers, drug addicts or gay... I think men feel women in that mindset and set away.

 

Other than that... as oldshirt mentioned, be extra clear with yourself what your goals are and do not even date men who appear to be commitment phobes. Stand your ground since the very beginning, in everything. You want to hear ILY? Ask for it. Not getting it? LEave. Want to move in? Ask for it. Not getting it? LEave. Want to move the RS to the next level, he's not ready for it? You know what you need to do.

 

I think it's important to set an intention and then pursue that intention until it comes true. Don't settle as you're only gonna waste your time.

 

That first step towards setting a family starts with the weeding of the inconvenient partner and selection of the proper one. You can only marry one the men you are dating, so date wisely. Very wisely. talk, be open, ask questions. There are a few liars, out there, but no one can carrie a lie forever. Eventually the truth comes out. Be prepared for it and if the truth is not compatible with your deepest wishes and desires, cross that man out of your life and move onto the next episode in your life.

 

best of luck

[stillafool]

Obviously, ive considered this potential issue. But, i am so happy in this relationship. It is the first time that i have dated someone without any doubts about my own feelings. To me, this departure from my usual pattern of questioning things seems like a positive change that warrants taking this risk. I would love to be married to this guy. In the past, i wanted to get married, but had a hard seeing it with the guys I was with. Maybe thats another reason im still single. Not that my exes were bad guys, but there was always something missing. I dont feel that way now. But i do fear that due to his age, he wont be ready for a long time for anything serious.

 

Have you told this guy or any of your past boyfriends that you want marriage? If not, that could be part of your problem.

[sandylee1]

I have to be honest , that response from your BF would make me a bit upset, depending on how long we'd been together. Most 24 year old guys aren't thinking about settling down either.

 

I think it's important to be yourself in any relationship. I don't see anything wrong with you being independent and being able to do stuff for yourself. Some guys might feel threatened by this , if you can do all the traditional male tasks /chores.

 

Don't change who you are for anyone, because your true self will come out and then it looks like you were being fake or that you've changed.

 

I'm discussions with my female friends, we find that a lot of men seem to want it all these days. They want a woman who is maternal, nurturing, good homemaker, good cook, has a career, is fun loving and easy going.

 

It's often a case of just not having met Mr. Right yet.

 

When I was looking for a serious relationship, if a guy asked me out, I looked at where he was at in his life. If he was young, didn't have a job, was still on college or was living with his parents, then I immediately added a minimum of 5 years till he might want to settle down. So, me thinking I'd get married to a guy in this situation wasn't gonna happen. If I dated him, then I knew it wasn't going to last and I didn't get emotionally invested....well except for once, but you get my meaning.

[Poppygoodwill]

I never got close to marrying anyone until into my 40s and I'm sure it was because I never talked about it with men I dated (I would dodge the subject, talk slightly disparagingly about marriage, etc) and also I chose men who were unlikely to be marriage minded themselves.

 

I did this because I was commitment phobic for all sorts of dull reasons that have to do with a rough family life when I was a kid.

 

But then, after two years of therapy and a lot of self-examination and putting some demons to rest, I suddenly felt that I could imagine being married. That it could be something I would get a lot out of. That it could be nice.

 

I didn't find myself a husband suddenly. But what did change was that I spoke about marriage in a new way to men I dated - in a positive way in general. And I looked with interest for the first time at men who were more inclined to be interested in marrying. I didn't shy away form them on contact, but suddenly found their marriagability - if you will - to be a positive thing rather than a negative one.

 

And sure enough, without really looking (honestly, I had an awesome job overseas and a terrific life - and no lack of male company) I found myself dating a man who wasn't my usual egghead liberal urban nerd, but a more down to earth sort of man with one marriage behind him. And within about four months I was thinking, "I'd like to put a ring on that." I'd literally never thought that about a man before.

 

And when he began to broach the topic of the future and ask what I had in mind, I didn't shy away and I was honestly open to marriage. And honest with him about that.

 

And we got married two years ago.

 

So my point is: you might be putting out discouraging vibes without realizing it. It's not about whether you're feminine or not. Lots of sporty chicks end up married. It's about what you project about marriage and kids. It's about the men you choose and whether they're marriage minded themselves. It's about being honest with men about who you are, and accepting that if that drives them away then they were never right for you to begin with and you have happily dodged a bullet.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Poppygoodwill