"Everything happens for a reason" Can you date someone that believes it?

[Male]

Theres many many people that truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Or that everyone has that one soulmate out there somewhere. I personally believe its a bunch of hogwash. People believe that stuff because we as humans like mystery, and unexplained things. It can be fun and inviting, but when you apply logic, it doesnt hold up.

 

So if you're more of the scientific type like me, can you actually date someone that thinks there is a hidden mysterious power that controls destiny, and selects which two people are meant to be together? And I'm not talking about religion or god....because there are both religious and non-religious people that still believe in destiny/fate, or that they have a soulmate.

 

I just cant wrap my head around the saying "everything happens for a reason". To me its just a cop out, and not wanting to accept the fact that we live in a world of random events that we have little control over. I prefer a woman that is a realist. Someone that accepts reality for what it is. Or at least for what we perceive it to be, if you want to get technical about it.

[regine_phalange]

I don't know whether there are mystical powers in this world because no one has proved their existence or non-existence.

 

But I hate the phrase "everything happens for a reason". It sounds patronising and usually the people who say it suddenly forget it when bad things happen to them. They panic instead.

[preraph]

No. I think some things do happen for a reason, but looking back on my life and my expectations, I believe that no one has more control over the direction of your own life than yourself. Those who sit in place waiting for a higher power to make all their moves for them will be sitting in that same place or worse decades down the road.

 

There have been times I felt the wind of the universe behind my back, but those times have mainly been when I was putting forth effort focusing on my direction in life. And there have been more times that I felt I had to overcome whatever life pushed at me and just fight through the obstacles to get what I wanted. This is where an awful lot of people just give up, thinking it's not meant to be. It's your life more than anyone else's, so you make it what you want it to be.

[central]

It would depend on what they think the reason is. If it's cause and effect, random chance, or even quantum fluctuations, then that's fine by me. If they attribute the reason to a "higher power" then I'd like them to prove the causation before I'll accept their reasoning.

[autumnnight]

This reminds me of a meme I once saw:

 

Everything happens for a reason

And sometimes that reason is because people are stupid

 

Or something like that...

 

I believe that we can learn from everything in our lives. And yes, I think there may be a greater reason behind a lot of things. However, I have to say that there is plenty in my life the reason for which I am at a loss to know.

 

And when people say that trite phrase at places like funerals and ER's and ICU, I wanna smack em.

 

I think it is possible to date someone who believes that as long as they aren't so obliviously Pollyanna that they are intolerable

[RoseVille]

If you have faith in a higher power, then you'd believe that everything happens for a reason. It's just that the reason isn't always known to you. God has bigger plans for your life.

 

So yes, I'd date someone who says this.

[carhill]

Seeing this thread topic caused me to think of '

episode of Fringe and how timelines are constantly evolving and how choices we make, while often predictable, can become 'reasons' for how things work out. Given our understanding of the human mind is in its infancy, I trust many surprises await us should we be fortunate enough to not extinguish ourselves.

[d0nnivain]

While I no longer believe in soul mates, I do believe everything happens for a reason. While the events may seem random to me, I try to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from this, what I'm suppose to change about me or how I can grow as a person based on what happened.

 

It doesn't always work but I keep plugging along,

[Satu]

This how I look at it:

 

 

Amor Fati

 

 

"Amor fati is a Latin phrase that may be loosely translated as "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary, in that they are among the facts of one's life and existence, so they are always necessarily there whether one likes them or not. Moreover, amor fati is characterized by an acceptance of the events or situations that occur in one's life. This acceptance does not necessarily preclude an attempt at change or improvement, but rather, it can be seen to be along the lines of what Nietzsche means by the concept of "eternal recurrence": a sense of contentment with one's life and an acceptance of it, such that one could live exactly the same life, in all its minute details, over and over for all eternity."

 

 

"I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer."

 

It is important to note that Nietzsche in this context refers to the "Yes-sayer", not in a political or social sense, but as a person who is capable of uncompromising acceptance of reality per se.

 

 

- Friedrich Nietzsche

[Satu]

While I no longer believe in soul mates, I do believe everything happens for a reason. While the events may seem random to me, I try to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from this, what I'm suppose to change about me or how I can grow as a person based on what happened.

 

It doesn't always work but I keep plugging along,

 

I'm OK everything that ever happened to me, because those events brought me to where I am, which is exactly where I want to be.

[Lovebug66]

I just cant wrap my head around the saying "everything happens for a reason". To me its just a cop out, and not wanting to accept the fact that we live in a world of random events that we have little control over.

 

This is kind of funny to me, because when I tell myself everything happens for a reason, I say it to help me understand life doesn't always go as I would hope and to accept there are a million things in life I don't have control over. And as Donnivain posted, what lesson is there for me to learn in this? I always try to find the lesson, it helps me turn a 'negative' thing into a positive. I am one of those people that believe in a higher power tho, and maybe that is why I see it differently. It is not a phrase I use with others much tho. Only people who I know find the same meaning in it as I do because I agree it can sound trite and dismissive.

[preraph]

I started out a very mystical hippie girl who really put a lot of faith in fate. And when I was young, life seemed to always take me interesting places, it's true. But as I got older and knew what I wanted to do, I had to take life by the handlebars and steer myself to get there.

 

I think it was Fonzi who got through to me: If you want to swim, don't sit on the beach.

[writergal]

Theres many many people that truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Or that everyone has that one soulmate out there somewhere. I personally believe its a bunch of hogwash. People believe that stuff because we as humans like mystery, and unexplained things. It can be fun and inviting, but when you apply logic, it doesnt hold up.

 

So if you're more of the scientific type like me, can you actually date someone that thinks there is a hidden mysterious power that controls destiny, and selects which two people are meant to be together? And I'm not talking about religion or god....because there are both religious and non-religious people that still believe in destiny/fate, or that they have a soulmate.

 

I just cant wrap my head around the saying "everything happens for a reason". To me its just a cop out, and not wanting to accept the fact that we live in a world of random events that we have little control over. I prefer a woman that is a realist. Someone that accepts reality for what it is. Or at least for what we perceive it to be, if you want to get technical about it.

 

I agree that the aphorism "everything happens for a reason" is a HUGE cop out. It annoys me. It's people's way of avoiding the scary reality that the world we live in is not under some sort of control or monitoring by a higher power. Everything that happens, happens due to cause and effect.

 

Like, take a car accident where the drive is texting. The texting driver is too busy texting to notice that their car has swerved into the oncoming traffic lane and then crashes head-on into a car or truck. Cause: driver was texting. Effect: driver is either badly injured or killed, or badly injures or kills the other driver as well.

[wizer]

I dated an Asian chick for a while who was into all of that, and also into supernatural, she believed in God, all that nonsense.

 

But she was hot, and she was fresh out of a long traditional marriage, she was relatively inexperienced, submissive, and eager to learn, like a blank canvas ready to be painted.

 

And I painted her alright, although the only color I had available was white.

 

Eventually it got boring because, well she just had no depth and believed in silly stuff but hey it was fun.

[S_A]

I don't believe in God, but I could totally date someone that believed everything happens for a reason. Maybe the future is written? I've known of peopke who've had glimpses of people personal future that did come true. If people have such a power, then then future is written, no?

 

Sort of playing Devil's Advocate here.

[writergal]

I think the choices you make follow you forever - good or bad - and affect you and everyone in your path. I couldn't date someone who believes that such a thing as Fate exists.

[craw]

Yes. I much rather date someone with a positive attitude than a negative downer.

 

Example,

 

There were many times that I never got closure from being with someone, he would disappear, stop talking to me e.t.c whatever and it was only much later on I realized how much it would have been a big mistake if I had stayed with person. Hence, everything happens for a reason.

[MissBee]

While I no longer believe in soul mates, I do believe everything happens for a reason. While the events may seem random to me, I try to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from this, what I'm suppose to change about me or how I can grow as a person based on what happened.

 

It doesn't always work but I keep plugging along,

 

I'm similar.

 

While some may say it as a cop-out, for me, my orientation is more so that I'm an optimist and I'd rather try to figure out what lesson a particular thing can teach me or see disappointments as a chance to do something else or things not working out as a means to go another way "for a reason" rather than the alternative.

 

For example, I am not sure how it adds anything to your life if you decide "Everything is random, we have no control, shyt just happens at random." I mean, whether this is true or not, for me it's more so what kind of orientation in the world that allows you to have: a hopeful one, a nihilistic one, a pessimistic one, etc and what's more conducive to a happy life?

 

I don't want to be with someone who buries his head in the sand but neither do I really want to be with a pessimist disguised as a "realist" so no, I'd have no problem dating a man who believes things happen for a reason. But it all comes down to you and what's a good match for you, if that bothers you then clearly you should date someone's whose outlook matches more closely to your own.

[writergal]

I'm similar.

 

While some may say it as a cop-out, for me, my orientation is more so that I'm an optimist and I'd rather try to figure out what lesson a particular thing can teach me or see disappointments as a chance to do something else or things not working out as a means to go another way "for a reason" rather than the alternative.

 

I'm definitely an optimist too, despite the fact that I view life through the lens of "cause and effect." That doesn't mean that I dismiss the lessons a particular event or conversation can teach me. I definitely believe there are lessons we can learn from every interaction, conversation, situation and event in our lives that happens to us (positive or negative).

 

For example, I am not sure how it adds anything to your life if you decide "Everything is random, we have no control, shyt just happens at random." I mean, whether this is true or not, for me it's more so what kind of orientation in the world that allows you to have: a hopeful one, a nihilistic one, a pessimistic one, etc and what's more conducive to a happy life?

 

I think one can be a happy nihilist. Once you realize that the human ego can derail your world perspective just as easily as it can clarify it; that's half the battle to living a happy life (for me anyway). I'm sure there are pessimistic nihilists who view the world through a negative lens.

 

I don't want to be with someone who buries his head in the sand but neither do I really want to be with a pessimist disguised as a "realist" so no, I'd have no problem dating a man who believes things happen for a reason. But it all comes down to you and what's a good match for you, if that bothers you then clearly you should date someone's whose outlook matches more closely to your own.

 

I don't like dating pessimists either.

[Satu]

The thing is that when you have the peak experience, how you got there doesn't matter very much to you, and you don't care very much how many times you broke a bone, or how many failed relationships you had along the way.

 

I won't go into any detail, but in my life, I have had some extremely difficult and painful experiences. Very extreme, very out of the ordinary experiences, of the kind that make the TV news. That is no exaggeration.

 

But I'm glad they happened, because I came through them, (after a lot of effort and grieving) and I became a very strong and resilient person, with a real love of life. I have an unshakable feeling of happiness and inner peace.

 

So how could I say that what happened to me was bad, when it brought out the best in me?

 

It was a nightmare to live through, but I honestly believe that I greatly benefited from it.

 

You can only see it this way, when you are looking from the top of your mountain, when you're living your dream, and when you realise that it really doesn't matter how you got there.

 

Would I be willing to experience that horror again, as part of getting to be where I am?

 

Yes, absolutely.

 

Rather than saying that everything has a purpose, I'd prefer to say that everything has a meaning, and that finding that meaning is part of finding one's own truth, and part of finding out who we really are.

 

Lets meet on the mountain top.

[Palmeiras]

Wow, opening this box.

 

In the most basic sense, nothing happens for a reason. There is no preordained battery of trials that any of us are meant to navigate. To suggest otherwise is supremely hubristic, almost insane.

 

That being said, this is indeed one giant cause-and-effect confluence, and within that confluence some of us are brought to certain junctures by decisions and behaviors. At each of those junctures, we may have opportunities to either perpetuate our tendencies or make amends for errancy. Do those opportunities arise because of the overall climate of human disposition and desired outcomes? Sometimes, yes.

 

That being said, in order to act at these junctures, one has to be sufficiently privileged or unencumbered. Those who are able to see life as a series of opportunities and risks are also fortunate enough to not be beset by very basic concerns like hunger and shelter. To be able to live life and even consider whether or not things are "meant to be" is a supreme luxury that only a fraction of the human population enjoys.

 

I dare anyone to try to argue that millions of people being born just to suffer and die in horrible circumstances is something that "happens for a reason." Because if this is true, then it also means that things "happening for a reason" really applies only to the chosen, and that people it does not apply to are forsaken in the grand scheme of things. Given the overall state of our species, the entire notion that any sort of predestination pertains to the human condition is truly abominable and disgusting.

Edited July 21, 2015 by Palmeiras

[Palmeiras]

In short: I will not even humor people that believe that everything happens for a reason.

 

I want to be around people that believe in the way of compassion, diligence, and introspection, without exception. Those people know that "The Way" of self-cultivation and societal improvement will spring from that, and that alone.

 

(Edit: Used "that being said" twice in the previous post, and I can't edit it. Ack, hate when brain gets stuck on repeat; poor form. I think the message is clear nonetheless.)

Edited July 21, 2015 by Palmeiras

[writergal]

Wow, opening this box.

 

In the most basic sense, nothing happens for a reason. There is no preordained battery of trials that any of us are meant to navigate. To suggest otherwise is supremely hubristic, almost insane.

 

That being said, this is indeed one giant cause-and-effect confluence, and within that confluence some of us are brought to certain junctures by decisions and behaviors. At each of those junctures, we may have opportunities to either perpetuate our tendencies or make amends for errancy. Do those opportunities arise because of the overall climate of human disposition and desired outcomes? Sometimes, yes.

 

That being said, in order to act at these junctures, one has to be sufficiently privileged or unencumbered. Those who are able to see life as a series of opportunities and risks are also fortunate enough to not be beset by very basic concerns like hunger and shelter. To be able to live life and even consider whether or not things are "meant to be" is a supreme luxury that only a fraction of the human population enjoys.

 

I dare anyone to try to argue that millions of people being born just to suffer and die in horrible circumstances is something that "happens for a reason." Because if this is true, then it also means that things "happening for a reason" really applies only to the chosen, and that people it does not apply to are forsaken in the grand scheme of things. Given the overall state of our species, the entire notion that any sort of predestination pertains to the human condition is truly abominable and disgusting.

 

+1 for a great post Palmeiras.

[S_A]

Ok, I'm sorry, but saying you would not date someone that believed in fate (or "everything happens for a reason") is like the nit-pickiest thing you could not date someone for. It sounds worse than saying that you don't date people with blonde hair.

 

I'm atheist, and my GF was raised in a very religious household (her father was a Pastor even). Guess what? Not only can it work, it's been working.

 

I'm not trying to change anyone, and people are entitled to their preferences, but rejecting people because "fate" or "everything happens for a reason"? That's flagrant.

 

My 2 kopeks.

Edited July 21, 2015 by S_A

[Imported]

I just don't think that hard about this stuff either way. As long as they don't annoy me, I really don't care.

 

 

 

 

And yes, the non-religious ..'you must be stupid, scared or some **** to "believe"...' can be just as annoying. Who the **** cares. Get over it.