"Everything happens for a reason" Can you date someone that believes it?

[Male]

I'm definitely an optimist too, despite the fact that I view life through the lens of "cause and effect." That doesn't mean that I dismiss the lessons a particular event or conversation can teach me. I definitely believe there are lessons we can learn from every interaction, conversation, situation and event in our lives that happens to us (positive or negative).

 

 

I am with you on that. Just because someone doesnt believe in things happening for a reason doesnt mean they cant learn from the past and make better deicsions. A realist is usually the type of person that is proactive in situations because they forewarn of possible negative outcomes.

 

An example that just popped into my head as I sit here watching the science channel is if a meteor struck a town. If we knew there was a chance ahead of time that the meteor would hit, a realist would heed the warning and leave the area. But someone that believes everything happens for a reason, could argue that they should stay, and that if the meteor doesnt hit, than it wasnt meant to hit, and if it does hit and kill them, than it happened for a "reason", and it was just their time to go.

[Satu]

I don't care what anyone believes, as long as they are loving and kind.

[writergal]

Ok, I'm sorry, but saying you would not date someone that believed in fate (or "everything happens for a reason") is like the nit-pickiest thing you could not date someone for. It sounds worse than saying that you don't date people with blonde hair.

 

I'm atheist, and my GF was raised in a very religious household (her father was a Pastor even). Guess what? Not only can it work, it's been working.

 

I'm not trying to change anyone, and people are entitled to their preferences, but rejecting people because "fate" or "everything happens for a reason"? That's flagrant.

 

My 2 kopeks.

 

You're right. It's a totally flagrant, nit-pickiest thing that is worse than saying you won't date people with blonde hair. The rest of my list of "won't date you because" includes: not a home owner, never lived/worked abroad, no sense of humor..." it's a long list, sorry.

 

You are very lucky to have found a woman you're compatible with despite your opposing belief systems. All of the sudden the Katy Perry song "Wide Awake" popped into my head just now.

 

I wish I knew then

What I know now

Wouldn't dive in

Wouldn't bow down

Gravity hurts

You made it so sweet

'Til I woke up on

On the concrete

 

Yeah. I don't want to go there again - that is, date men I had to compromise my beliefs for so that we could be compatible. And look how that worked out for me, yeah?

 

And now it's clear to me

That everything you see

Ain't always what it seems

(I'm wide awake)

Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

 

I think it's best not to compromise your beliefs, even if it seems flagrant to others but works for you. I don't want to spend hours arguing with a guy I'm dating that you know what, if a meteor is about to strike my city it's happening for a reason other than the real reason: sometimes large meteors hit earth.

 

I'm not as enlightened as you Satu. I do care what the men I date believe. They can be kind, but if their beliefs aren't compatible with mine, then its not possible to be in a happy relationship with each other. I've tried it. It doesn't work...for me.

[Satu]

You're right. It's a totally flagrant, nit-pickiest thing that is worse than saying you won't date people with blonde hair. The rest of my list of "won't date you because" includes: not a home owner, never lived/worked abroad, no sense of humor..." it's a long list, sorry.

 

You are very lucky to have found a woman you're compatible with despite your opposing belief systems. All of the sudden the Katy Perry song "Wide Awake" popped into my head just now.

 

 

 

Yeah. I don't want to go there again - that is, date men I had to compromise my beliefs for so that we could be compatible. And look how that worked out for me, yeah?

 

 

 

I think it's best not to compromise your beliefs, even if it seems flagrant to others but works for you. I don't want to spend hours arguing with a guy I'm dating that you know what, if a meteor is about to strike my city it's happening for a reason other than the real reason: sometimes large meteors hit earth.

 

*I'm not as enlightened as you Satu. I do care what the men I date believe. They can be kind, but if their beliefs aren't compatible with mine, then its not possible to be in a happy relationship with each other. I've tried it. It doesn't work...for me.

 

*Yes, you are.

 

I just live according to my own priorities, as do you.

 

The things I value most in a person is a sweet nature, a love of life, and an open mind. Not everyone demonstrates those qualities, but I'll still be good to them.

 

 

(A pilots licence isn't a requirement, but it is a plus. Lol.)

[Satu]

I'll throw this into the mix just because I like it:

 

"Yes and No: This certainly is the law of all life, but not Yes alone and not No alone. Yes alone is the advice of a self-deceiving confidence which soon will be shaken by the No of the three gray figures: emptiness, guilt, death. No alone is the advice of a self-deceiving despair whose hidden Yes to itself is manifest in its self-seclusion and its resistance against the Yes of love and communion. And further, Yes and No is the law of all truth. Not Yes alone and not No alone! Yes alone is the arrogance which claims that its limited truth is the ultimate truth, but which reveals by its fanatical self-affirmation how many hidden No’s are present in its ground. No alone is the resignation which denies any ultimate truth but which shows by its self-complacent irony against the biting power of every word of truth how strong the Yes to itself is that underlies its ever-repeated No."

 

- Paul Tillich

[Lovebug66]

Some of these examples have made me think it is more of a victim vs go-getter mindset.

 

I don't expect life to just 'happen' for me. I like to think I can be guided into action by what happens around me. I'm not in control of the texting driver hurling at me, but I'm in control of getting out of their way (assuming its not a last second swerve). I'm not in control of where the meteor hits, but I'm in control of getting out of there.

 

Just because I could be hit does not mean I will not drive. I trust that if I follow the rules of the road, that greatly diminishes my chances of getting hit. If it happens anyway, well maybe there was a greater purpose. Maybe I will meet someone at the hospital that has a huge impact on my life. Maybe if its just a fender bender, when I take my car in to get repaired they find something wrong with it that would have caused huge damage. Maybe I had been taking life for granted and I needed the reminder it could be taken from me in a second. Who knows. Thinking that way actually keeps me from the victim chair and instead empowers me to accept things and take the good.

 

Having said all that...I know the people you are talking about, the lazy, perpetual victim, and no way would I date one haha

[S_A]

Writergal, when you have a list that includes things like "he must have lived abroad", it makes it sound like you're not looking for a relationship right now. Which is awesome if that's what you really want, but if that's the case, why not say it?

 

Not sure what the "live abroad" thing means... I guess it means that you want someone who is "cultured". I've never lived outside the U.S., but I am fluent in three languages (neither of which are Spanish) and have an abnormally high amount of cultural awareness. I'd actually be offended if someone, who was a 3rd generation American that lived abroad for several years, was considered to be more cultured than me by virtue of living in another country. I know I'm being really assumptive right now, but this is how I'm interpreting everything.

[preraph]

Knowing languages is a lot different than having lived in different places. And living around different cultures in your homeland is different than living in another land entirely. I'm sure Writergal has her reasons. Probably because she finds that interesting. I get your point about putting too many things on the "want" list though. But not everyone is really caring if they mate up or not, especially if they've already been there, done that!

[S_A]

Knowing languages is a lot different than having lived in different places. And living around different cultures in your homeland is different than living in another land entirely. I'm sure Writergal has her reasons. Probably because she finds that interesting. I get your point about putting too many things on the "want" list though. But not everyone is really caring if they mate up or not, especially if they've already been there, done that!

 

In one of the countries I am from (ethnically), they do not consider you to understand anything about their culture unless you know the language. The "life" of a culture is married to its language. An American that thinks they understand Greeks because he lived in Greece for two years is delusional.

 

And as for this:

 

And living around different cultures in your homeland is different than living in another land entirely.

 

Yeah it can be, especially if you're just an American. But an American is not going to get true perspective by simply living in another country. At most you can say they did something "hard" because their education, professional experience, and their English no longer has much use in another land.

 

I'm not concerned about writergal mating up; I'd hope she does if she is indeed looking to. What rubs me the wrong way is the thought that an American that lived in another country for a few years would claim they have more cultural awareness/perspective than me. The house I was raised in was itself another country, as were the schools I went to. Culture is passed down and learned (absorbed) at a very young age. For those that grow up without it, it's a shame, because culture is not acquired by living abroad. By the time you reach the age where you are old enough to get up and move to another country on your own, it's already too late to absorb culture.

 

Don't take any of this the wrong way. I'am pro American, as are every single one of my foreign family members. Many of them would choose America over their homeland.

[writergal]

In one of the countries I am from (ethnically), they do not consider you to understand anything about their culture unless you know the language. The "life" of a culture is married to its language. An American that thinks they understand Greeks because he lived in Greece for two years is delusional.

 

And as for this:

 

 

 

Yeah it can be, especially if you're just an American. But an American is not going to get true perspective by simply living in another country. At most you can say they did something "hard" because their education, professional experience, and their English no longer has much use in another land.

 

I'm not concerned about writergal mating up; I'd hope she does if she is indeed looking to. What rubs me the wrong way is the thought that an American that lived in another country for a few years would claim they have more cultural awareness/perspective than me. The house I was raised in was itself another country, as were the schools I went to. Culture is passed down and learned (absorbed) at a very young age. For those that grow up without it, it's a shame, because culture is not acquired by living abroad. By the time you reach the age where you are old enough to get up and move to another country on your own, it's already too late to absorb culture.

 

Don't take any of this the wrong way. I'am pro American, as are every single one of my foreign family members. Many of them would choose America over their homeland.

 

S_A, I happen to have been born in another country, as was my mother and her family, and my father's entire family. So, I hope that clears up the misconception that you have about me being a delusional American.

 

I also disagree with your belief that culture can't be acquired by living abroad. That would be a great thread discussion for another thread.

 

And while it's your personal preference to date a religious person despite not being religious yourself, it's my personal preference to want to date a man who has lived/worked abroad. Why should my personal dating preferences matter to you?

 

What matters most to me, is that he shares my beliefs and doesn't passively believe that things just happen for a reason. There's always a reason why things happen. The only control we have is our reaction to what happens to us. That's what I believe.

[S_A]

Ok, I think I get you better now. I did not mean to come off all adversarial or anything like that. Looking back, I'm sure I did. Sorry

 

I also disagree with your belief that culture can't be acquired by living abroad. That would be a great thread discussion for another thread.

 

And I can definitely agree with you on the above:cool:

[writergal]

No problem. It's all good!

 

Ok, I think I get you better now. I did not mean to come off all adversarial or anything like that. Looking back, I'm sure I did. Sorry

 

 

 

And I can definitely agree with you on the above:cool:

[AlwaysGrowing]

Personally I do not subscribe to the "everything happens for a reason" AKA.....it wasn't my fault....**** just happens....I was spared getting into that accident because I am meant for something great.

 

It is similar to those celebrities who upon receiving their Oscar, Grammy..etc...thank God for their award.

 

Barring a natural disaster type event....a human was behind the reason why something happened.

 

I do not believe there is a greater good to having children raped. The only person who needs to learn a life lesson in that scenario is the rapist.

 

And that ^ right there was the dealbreaker in my former views of "everything happens for a reason". I just could not come up with one good reason why a child would NEED to suffer like that..to learn some life lesson.

 

That is not to say..that one can not gather any life lessons when we do stupid things, hurtful things, cause an accident...etc.

 

For me...reasons and life lessons are two different things.

 

And yes, I would have a difficult time being with someone who does not share my views of personal choice/change/impact.

[salparadise]

It amazes me how this simple little question has spawned so much philosophical philandering, with multitudes of caveats.

 

It's a simple yes|no question that asks, is there a supreme being (or a universal tuning fork) that orchestrates and assigns intent to every atom in the universe, and for reasons beyond our comprehension (presumably good ones), exacts all of the suffering known to mankind on a case by case basis... followed by a variety of presumptions that ultimately say whoever who does not believe such is a nihilist. And my guess is that the logical step would be to deny any predilection toward superstitions.

 

Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who doesn't also believe in Santa Claus, but the Easter Bunny... well, that's a deal breaker.

[candie13]

there are different sides to "everything happens for a reason". I find it hard to believe in that, when you get cancer taking away randomly dear people close to you, or children killed in drunk drive accidents.... I wish I would believe that there is a higher reason for that... I believe it's not, it's just random sh*t that happens to all people, good and bad, depending on just how unlucky they get. I call that "the curse of having to live in society", there is actually no risk 0.

 

And then, there's another aspect of "everything happens for a reason", when you meet a perfect stranger in a bar and he ends up being the person you spend your next 7 years with. Or a guy who makes you break up. Or a person whom you meet in a really difficult moment of your life and they manage to uplift you and make you feel better... I do believe in the law of attraction and I also believe that us, as human beings, work on patterns, we have distinctive patterns of behavior that most of us aren't even that aware of. So when we all of a sudden meet someone new, we subconsciously know, we understand about their pattern and we call that "attraction" because theirs fits with ours at a very primal level. From that moment onward, what we do with those people is exclusively linked to our level of development - emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc.

 

I believe we do attract the people we attract in our lives, because that is where we are, energetically. And in order to stop that attraction - good or bad - one should get over their fears, misconceptions, confront themselves on the inside, and thus evolve. Towards that attraction or against it.

 

I'm not a big fan of people using "everything happens for a reason" to justify their being laid off and not doing a thing about it. There are lessons, for sure, in every little event that happens to us... up to us to pick it up, understand and use that event to grow, or just ignore ignore ignore until something so big happens to us that we cannot ignore it anymore and we must chose if to pass that lesson or fail at it. And start all over again...