Artie Lang Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 see that's the problem right there. you haven't been completely honest. do you feel this is fair to your unsuspecting husband? how can you move on and try to salvage your marriage if you're still keeping secrets? no matter what you think, you're still in the affair. maybe not physically, but psychologically and emotionally speaking you haven't ended it. i suspect that you didn't even send him a formal NC letter outlining your wanting to end it; putting up clear boundaries; and making a concerted effort in salvaging your marriage, correct? please don't buy into this star-crossed lovers BS that some people are shoveling around here. if you pay attention and read through most of these threads, many if not most affairs are all the same. they are kept alive because one or both of the parties involved keep romanticizing the darn thing. wake up and come back down to reality for a moment and see it for what it truly is- an AFFAIR. nothing more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2681 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 see that's the problem right there. you haven't been completely honest. do you feel this is fair to your unsuspecting husband? how can you move on and try to salvage your marriage if you're still keeping secrets? no matter what you think, you're still in the affair. maybe not physically, but psychologically and emotionally speaking you haven't ended it. i suspect that you didn't even send him a formal NC letter outlining your wanting to end it; putting up clear boundaries; and making a concerted effort in salvaging your marriage, correct? please don't buy into this star-crossed lovers BS that some people are shoveling around here. if you pay attention and read through most of these threads, many if not most affairs are all the same. they are kept alive because one or both of the parties involved keep romanticizing the darn thing. wake up and come back down to reality for a moment and see it for what it truly is- an AFFAIR. nothing more. No we haven't had a formal NC, he said work communication only and have agreed to it. Although I see your point about still being in an affair, because at the end of our conversation he said - I know I'll have another weak moment and will want to be close to you again and miss our friendship. I think he thinks I will always be there. I am getting the courage to tell my husband, I pray that he stays. I also am struggling about his W because our last communication I apologized for hurting her and I did it again. She went on to say how much he changed back into the man she knew before we became friends. I struggle that he will continue to hurt her but it's not my place to worry about her I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2681 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Then, yes! Continue to make every effort to find a new place to work. Your story and mine are so similar! MMs wife has reached out to me as well, and I know I'm back in very dangerous ground... Also, I was told we were old soul mates and have shared at least one past life together, which is why we have this pull towards each other... AND read into every single part of our communications! I can tell what mood he's in from the way he opens and closes an email, even the most proffesional ones... How do professional adults end up in these situations? Best of luck! And feel free to reach out to me anytime, I know how addictive and destructive this all is. Thanks LovelyBrown, very similar stories and he followed me home again yesterday ? I now need to find a new route home because it's hard seeing him in every aspect of my day to day life. I do believe that's the only way for us to overcom this is to get away from them. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thanks LovelyBrown, very similar stories and he followed me home again yesterday ? I now need to find a new route home because it's hard seeing him in every aspect of my day to day life. I do believe that's the only way for us to overcom this is to get away from them. Stay strong. Like he followed you, FOLLOWED YOU? WTH? What did you do? ? that's a bit nuts? No? Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2681 Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Like he followed you, FOLLOWED YOU? WTH? What did you do? ? that's a bit nuts? No? Well we live within 2 miles of eachother, and so same way home. It was what we did during the A we'd leave together and he'd follow me on the highway the entire way home so he could see me/watch me? Honestly I think it turned him on to watch me either in front or from his rear view mirror singing and dancing in the car. He would text me that he did things in the car or when he would get home from watching me... Dude is seriously more sexual than what he portrayed at home, he told me his fantasies and while not shocking to me, would be to most people... So I guess to some it could be creepy?? I know it's a bit nuts like you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2681 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 So here I am almost 2 weeks past my last post. XMM and I have had to work almost jointly the last 2 weeks due to a system that went down and we have been trying to get it back up. i left the office and didn't go in last Friday before I traveled for business so I wouldn't see him and focus on my husband. Day before I leave my husband and I talked and I told him and apologized for MM. He said he knew and just asked that I really think and be honest to him about how I feel and we can either move forward or go our separate ways. I told him I would, and things felt so much better after our 5 hour talk. While on my business trip I placed a quote on a song that reminds me of my husband "Quiet Mind" by Blue October. I suffer from a racing mind and internal issues and while with him he helps me to just be, and for that I love him more than anyone. I post lyrics on my daily IM and a lyric was my post for the day Monday after our call for the week at work. MM and I had to continue to work closely due to this outage and he tells me Weds that "he really loves my quote this week btw" I reply simply that it's a great song and go back to talking work issues. Fast forward the next two days and he starts talking like we are friends again AFTER last week and tells me he misses me. I remind him that we are work colleagues and why he is trying to talk to me like a friend... His reply is "Same as in the past... It's hard not to. He shouldn't be, but it's hard to stop and say he can't." He then tells me he really wishes it didn't have to be this way and he hates he repeatedly does this to me. I told him while I understand and my husband knows I still talk to him and how our relationship is I told him I would let him know if anything changes again. He said he understands and that he will try his absolute best not to cross the friendship line. My question is, isn't he already? Based on his statement of "he shouldn't be taking to me" he's not as upfront about his relationship with me to his wife. Also just to give context, my H and I are now talking about the possibility of open marriage or poly arrangement with agreed upon parameters. I just wish that all this in my head would go silent for a while - and I am playing the heck out of this song this week Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Thoughts: -do not respond to any comments that are personal -tell him you aren't wishing to be friends -get a new job -stop analyzing, its over 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2681 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thoughts: -do not respond to any comments that are personal -tell him you aren't wishing to be friends -get a new job -stop analyzing, its over Thank you for your brutal honesty - needed that. And hope I have a new job in a few weeks - interviews went well. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thank you for your brutal honesty - needed that. And hope I have a new job in a few weeks - interviews went well. Thanks again. You are welcome. Im sorry if I seemed harsh...just wanted you to have it straight cause I think even when its over we sometimes hold out for a breadcrumb and maybe even a tiny little ego stroke thats its maybe just as hard for them too...but its all sh!$ you know deep down its gotta end..that your H is Mr. right and you are trying hard to focus on him...try harder. Shut this guy all the way down..even if its hard...even if it hurts.you miss him..he misses you...its just not gonna work..it's better it ended...let it go...burn...and keep moving. This has already hurt you enough it can and will get worse. Lock the door. Your hubby loves you...give him ALL of you now and don't look back and dont analyze. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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