Feeling insecure due to previous good looks

[SerCay]

So here I am...

 

As some of you have read in my previous threads..I just broke up for the final episode with my ex boyfriend. During our last months together I gained tremendous amounts of weight. I also found a new job.

 

Right now I'm losing the weight, slowly but steadily. I'm working out after work and eating way healthier than before. I'm also trying to feel more confident and dress nice to work, so that I feel good about myself. But there's still a little feeling of depression inside of me because of the break up...and I'm not going to lie to you...All my colleagues are happily married. I work in an office with 5 other people, and they're all so very happy with their spouses and talk about them daily. While I have no intention of getting married...I can't help but feel a sting...for the fact that I have kept myself in a doomed relationship for 5 years and am now lonely and bitter, before I will get better.

 

Next to all this, there's the thing about weight...I have never weighed as much as I did when I started working here...I almost feel ashamed of showing myself and if it were up to me, I would stay indoors until I would have lost all the extra weight I'm carrying. This is such a shallow mind set I know this...I'm trying to convince myself that it's the inside that counts, but my depressed brain won't listen to me! It keeps telling me shallow things like: "when you lost the weight, then you will feel confident again, because then all the doors will open for you again"...

 

I know terrible right...I'm just wonderng what I can do to make myself feel better (except from comfort eating, because obviously i stopped doing that), and if anybody else ever felt this way?

[Torii]

So here I am...

 

As some of you have read in my previous threads..I just broke up for the final episode with my ex boyfriend. During our last months together I gained tremendous amounts of weight. I also found a new job.

 

Right now I'm losing the weight, slowly but steadily. I'm working out after work and eating way healthier than before. I'm also trying to feel more confident and dress nice to work, so that I feel good about myself.

 

THIS is exactly what you need to do. Truth is, you already know what to do to keep yourself motivated and healthy after the break up. Keep it up.

 

I think the reason you posted this was to get some reassurance and I can assure you that you're dealing with the break up with flying colors. Depression sucks and happens - it means absolutely nothing when you're as determined to get out of that runt as you are. Like I said, keep it up! You're doing fabulous!!

[StalwartMind]

You can use this perspective as you please, or not at all, it is however the mindset of one individual on this planet, and I know I'm not the only one.

 

While it's fantastic to have good physical health and we all should be inspired to maintain that, as our bodies is what will carry us through this life, not everyone has been blessed with a perfect athletic body. On top of that our looks are also very different and so is the taste of what we all find appealing. Ask everyone on this board to name someone they consider "perfect" and you'll find people disagreeing. This is as it should be, because surprise taste is incredibly different. Some, like myself, also place no importance at all on looks. I can only speak for myself but I feel it would be a mistake to judge someone purely on how they look, as they may have the most attractive and wonderful personality beneath their exterior.

 

Our mind and how we perceive things is what blocks us from progress or to get out of situations that makes us feel we are stuck. Change rarely happens on it's own, we do actively need to do something, in order to get to a new place. It can help if you have good support, but even so, we shouldn't rely on others to get us where we need to be. Everyone can end up disappointing you, even if they don't intend to, which is all the more reason why it's vital to develop a stronger mentality. This is not going to be easy for everyone, but it will help you with overcoming more situations in the future too. Life can throw things at us at any time, usually when we least expect or want it to.

 

Depression can be the biggest enemy of motivation, it's different how one overcome it, sometimes professional help is needed, there is no shame in whichever way one use or choose, as it's about getting to a better place than what one currently reside in. Take comfort in the fact that there are people out there who will treat you better than what you may of experienced. This may be a bit of a far away thing to imagine currently, but there are people everywhere who will welcome you with kindness, no matter how you look, what you do or where you are from.

 

Everyone is capable of changing their mindset, even those who have very shallow views or opinion. While I appreciate those with an open mind, I more than understand that many have extremely restricted views on certain things. This in itself is no real surprise, nor is there anything wrong with it, we are all allowed to be and think whatever we want. However the more open and welcoming you are, to ideas, situations and others, then the more opportunities you'll have to. I rarely impose myself with limits, as it's just much more fun to have options to choose from, even when you are in a relationship. This is perhaps also why I never find myself bored or in an environment that becomes stagnant, as I have the ability to create enough variation to get me through any moment, even ones where things aren't going my way.

 

I will say as a last thing, try not to be harsh on yourself but rather forgive yourself. I'm all for self discipline and keeping good high standards, but it should never come to the point where we find ourselves disliking what we've become. Everyone have highs and lows, most of us find ourselves in a constant balance between both. You have the ability to get yourself into a good position, finding a new job plus ending a bad period of your life is what is needed to get back on the right track. I hope you find some inspiration in anything that gives your life meaning, and end up being where you believe you should be.