AlexAnsara Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Dealing with it doesn't have to be done every second of the day...I think you can spend time dealing with it and balance that with some healthy distraction. You mentioned you're only sleeping 2 hours a day??!! Have you tried some melatonin, or thought about getting a prescription from the doctor? Sleep is so important, and I know that when I don't get enough I feel a lot more depressed and unhappy. Would it be possible to move from working nights to working days, so that you can get on a better sleep cycle? As for all the extra hours...what about volunteering, taking a class, learning a new skill or hobby...there's so much available online these days. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's been said that the best way to get over one girl is to get under another one. Go out with your friends. Go on Dates. Go live your life, and eventually you will stop obsessing about hers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Dude, I would really consider changing your number. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Bil You are going to be great. I had a fiancé years ago that pulled crap like that. I offer two thoughts of advice. A. If you paid for her trip that she screwed you over on send her a bill for the $$$ she owes you. That is a consequence she should feel. If she decides not to pay you you back so be it. B. If you decide to remain friends with her parents (I do not see the long term benefits to this relationship) do not go back and have tea with them until their is a beautiful new young lady on your arm that is accompanying you. And one more thing. If your common best friend you both share is the girl that she went away with then get a new best friend. When I got screwed over by fiancé she was messing with a bunch of my guy friends. I fixed all of them in my way and never spoke to them ever again. They did not deserve another minute of my time or friendship. Now go have a great life. HM Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 After 5 years of being with her, it's going to hurt. There's simply no way around it. The pain will eventually subside, but it will take some time. You won't truly heal until you have someone new in your life. Right now, you have a LOT of pain and hurt but I guarantee it will eventually go away. There are some ways to get through this. First, if you like your life otherwise, then stay as you are but take up some new exciting hobbies. Yes, 10-5 is dull, but it's a great time for exercise. Mountain biking, kayaking, weight lifting, running, etc. are all possible during that time. You can take up other hobbies like fishing or scuba diving. If you are ambivalent about your present life, consider finding a day job in another place and moving. The change of scenery might do you good. Or, go to, or back to, college for a degree or an advanced degree. Your options are only limited by your imagination. Do you play an instrument? If not, pick one and start learning. Heck, choose something uncommon like a banjo or mandolin if you want. It's a great way to pass time and it's always right there when you need it. If you already play something, use the time to get better. Keep NC with her and don't even consider being her friend. She has betrayed you in the worst possible way. I also recommend stopping contact with her parents. You need to accept that she and everything about her is bad for you right now. Most of us here have been through this before. it sucks! But, you will get through it. My fiancé cheated on me. It hurt like hell. We broke up and I never spoke to her again. I have now been happily married to my wife for 20 years and have two great daughters. So, yes, it will get better for you too. Just give it some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Keep moving forward, and for gods sake do not become friends with her. Doing that will let her off the hook for what she did. She needs to learn that her actions have permanent consequences. Losing your love and respect is one of those consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's just outside of work at the moment that's the issue during the day I can't find something to occupy my mind, but I do feel like by keeping busy I'm avoiding it and not dealing with it. Meaning it is just going to make it last longer, if that makes any sense or am I completely wrong? Find a project (an online course doesn't do it for me because that puts me alone, in a chair staring at a computer screen... and then off I go into daydream mode). Find a physical project / community project that you can join and that you would enjoy doing. This will reconnect you with people who appreciate you for donating your time, skills, and company to the project. It doesn't cost a 100$ an hour like a therapist, it's free, and you get free "support counseling" and make other people happy too. And I would steer away from the parents until you feel YOU are completely back in the drivers seat. You don't want them blindsiding you with an impromptu visit. Being with them will remind you of her. They will live fine without you for another 3 or 4 months. Then if you go visit and the offer was genuine, you will actually feel it from them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 You don't need to remain friends with her, why would you want to be friends with trashy people? She doesn't love you or respect you, if she did she would of been able to stop herself from cheating. Blaming it on drinking is the classic go to excuse, but the fact is..nah, if you love someone you do not cheat on them, it is as simple as that. Also kudos to you for telling her family, though I'm betting she still tried to spin it and blame you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bil832 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 Find a project (an online course doesn't do it for me because that puts me alone, in a chair staring at a computer screen... and then off I go into daydream mode). I did start one and did find this and didn't see the need to continue as it didn't help at all, I've started running and will move up from there. Doing it after work has helped me sleep an extra hour or two but still falling quite short of what I used to, may go back out and run when I wake up to see if I can get back to sleep after that. I picked up some more overtime at work and helped a bit but now I'm shattered so have gone back to normal and just meeting with a lot of different friends in spare time and started back up on driving lessons and have bought a car to motivate me to do them more often In 2 weeks going to festivals with a big group of mates, probably about 15 of us so will be good to have a change of scenery, go for 3 days, back for 2 days and then go again for 4 days so should be great if turns out anything like last year. Although the first festival falls on when we'd have been together for 5 years, but hopefully i'll be having such a good time it wont matter. Thanks for all the replies, coming on here to post every now and then seems to help quite a lot more than i thought it would. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I hope you don't take offense on this but there is some light to this. dude think about it, reading all that dirty laundry here in LS infidelity section. now compare that to your situation. your lucky your not married yet. the least you could do is give credit your ex stepped out before you were married. sigh of relief bullet dodge there! well at least you managed to discover this place. before you start thinking of marriage again. think about it, think twice about it. Or you might end up back here like the rest of us. Its time for you to think about partnerships, relationships & marriage in a somewhat different light. That this experience has shown you that its not all sun shine and rainbows. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bil832 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 I hope you don't take offense on this but there is some light to this. dude think about it, reading all that dirty laundry here in LS infidelity section. now compare that to your situation. your lucky your not married yet. the least you could do is give credit your ex stepped out before you were married. sigh of relief bullet dodge there! well at least you managed to discover this place. before you start thinking of marriage again. think about it, think twice about it. Or you might end up back here like the rest of us. Its time for you to think about partnerships, relationships & marriage in a somewhat different light. That this experience has shown you that its not all sun shine and rainbows. I do agree that I've been lucky that we was not yet married. But not that she should get any credit for steeping out before then, she didn't step out, she could have, but she took a different route. She tried to call me about 20 times last night between 10-2am which was annoying to say the least and still haven't talked since I told her not to message me again. Not sure why she called at all so it's playing on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 She'll keep trying for some time. Just stick to NC, and it will cease. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 she is trying hard because she knows once she gets to she would have her way with you, she knows that you still have a soft spot in your heart for her. keep ignoring her Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I do agree that I've been lucky that we was not yet married. But not that she should get any credit for steeping out before then, she didn't step out, she could have, but she took a different route. She tried to call me about 20 times last night between 10-2am which was annoying to say the least and still haven't talked since I told her not to message me again. Not sure why she called at all so it's playing on my mind. Hell, I would have shut off the phone. Did she leave any voicemail messages? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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