Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I think he'll be proposing soon, you've got him right where you want him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 says if I had heeded his warning and didn’t keep bringing up marriage, then everything would’ve been fine. But I always wanted to create pressure to get married and he thinks hes passed the point of no return. I am trying SO HARd to get him back- how can I please convince him Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Don't you think it's strange that you have to "convince" someone to love you and be with you? Don't you think that they'd want to do that without you manipulating them? You need to stop asking that question because no one is going to give you that answer. You are trying to divide by zero right now and failing miserably. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 says if I had heeded his warning and didn’t keep bringing up marriage, then everything would’ve been fine. But I always wanted to create pressure to get married and he thinks hes passed the point of no return. I am trying SO HARd to get him back- how can I please convince him Simon Phoenix is right Rams. You know a friend of mine in his late thirties. He has a girlfriend he really wants to marry somewhere in the future, but she is pushing it a bit. Although he thinks this is not the right time (it isn't the right time for them) yet he would not think of breaking up with her. But he makes sure that she know he wants to be with her and that he loves her. Your guy consistently is showing that intimacy is not part of his world and will never be. Being with him always will be cold. This is not a guy who will hug you are will surprise you because he is happy that you are in his life. He is not the guy who will make breakfast with the kids to surprise you in the morning. He wont be that man, ever. You will be the women who will give these things to him, but I can bet these things will not be met with appreciation. And I highly doubt he will be a caring loving father 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 don't you think it's strange that you have to "convince" someone to love you and be with you? Don't you think that they'd want to do that without you manipulating them? You need to stop asking that question because no one is going to give you that answer. You are trying to divide by zero right now and failing miserably. ^ ^ ^ this, this, a thousand times this ^ ^ ^ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Don't you think it's strange that you have to "convince" someone to love you and be with you? Don't you think that they'd want to do that without you manipulating them? You need to stop asking that question because no one is going to give you that answer. You are trying to divide by zero right now and failing miserably. Your guy consistently is showing that intimacy is not part of his world and will never be. Being with him always will be cold. This is not a guy who will hug you are will surprise you because he is happy that you are in his life. He is not the guy who will make breakfast with the kids to surprise you in the morning. He wont be that man, ever. You will be the women who will give these things to him, but I can bet these things will not be met with appreciation. And I highly doubt he will be a caring loving father Quoted for truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 he says even today that he does want to get married but was just on a slower timetable than me (our big argument was when I asked him what that meant, exactly, he’d just say “I don’t know, when i decide” and id say “well, a couple of years, somewhere around there?” and he’d say “I don’t know!!” And then tell me to stop bothering him about it). He says that he warned me he’d eventually pass the point of no return if I kept bringing up the topic of marriage. so now I need to find a way to truly convince him I’ve changed and it’ll never happen again Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 I just need to convince him I will never bring up marriage again and let him make all the moves. I need to do something dramatic. What can I do or say;) Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) he says even today that he does want to get married but was just on a slower timetable than me (our big argument was when I asked him what that meant, exactly, he’d just say “I don’t know, when i decide” and id say “well, a couple of years, somewhere around there?” and he’d say “I don’t know!!” And then tell me to stop bothering him about it). He says that he warned me he’d eventually pass the point of no return if I kept bringing up the topic of marriage. so now I need to find a way to truly convince him I’ve changed and it’ll never happen again You haven't changed though. And he hasn't changed. And continuing to ask the same question over and over will not get anyone to answer it. I mean, stop it. It's clear by page 28 that there is no answer to that question, so stop asking. Edited September 15, 2015 by Simon Phoenix 2 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I just need to convince him I will never bring up marriage again and let him make all the moves. I need to do something dramatic. What can I do or say;) Asking the same question over and over again isn't going to change the answer. Because there is none. Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Ok, so i haven't read all threads and posts for this story, i only managed to read the first 3 pages on this thread, and i can already tell this woman has SERIOUS ISSUES. You need to find a therapist, right now! Also, please, for the love of God, stop calling the man a monster, just because this woman makes him appear that way. He may actually be a decent man, ready to settle down, and is being disgusted by this woman's behaviour, dodging a bullet... You can never know the truth about a certain situation unless you can hear from both sides... To me, it seems we aren't getting the true picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Ok, so i haven't read all threads and posts for this story, i only managed to read the first 3 pages on this thread, and i can already tell this woman has SERIOUS ISSUES. You need to find a therapist, right now! Also, please, for the love of God, stop calling the man a monster, just because this woman makes him appear that way. He may actually be a decent man, ready to settle down, and is being disgusted by this woman's behaviour, dodging a bullet... You can never know the truth about a certain situation unless you can hear from both sides... To me, it seems we aren't getting the true picture. Of-course we need two sides of the story. But that doesn't say that we can't take away some things by what we read. And with all respect three pages does not give you the image we got after asking many questions. Suppose Rams is a horrific women en he is a sweet men, than he should not have treated her systematicly with the silent treatment, he should just have broken up with her a long time ago. So at least he is passive-agressive. As for her yes, this is what low self-esteem and a history of abuse does to you. And luckily she actually is with a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 There must be a way to convince him the pain of losing him has changed me enough that I'll never bring up marriage again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 There must be a way to convince him the pain of losing him has changed me enough that I'll never bring up marriage again!!! The only way to convince him, is you not contacting him. Not saying a thing is also communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 There must be a way to convince him the pain of losing him has changed me enough that I'll never bring up marriage again!!! Since you just don't seem to get it and it seems you never will, I'll answer your question. Contact him and let him know that you are very sorry for ever expecting anything from him. Let him know that from this point forward you will never mention marriage or any type of future. Let him know you're ok with him cheating if he needs to and that you don't need any attention from him at all ever. Let him know that he can treat you any way he wishes and you will never leave because you don't deserve anything more than being treated like trash. Contact him right now and let him know this, and I bet you guys will be back together in no time. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 How will not contacting convince him that I'll be different in any way?! Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 How will not contacting convince him that I'll be different in any way?! It shows that you have the patience to wait for him whole not putting any pressure on it whatsoever. He does know you want to be with him, that is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 I don't understand. I tell him I will wait around for him and be patient? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I really am understanding why he won't marry you. But yes, you wait. Forever if you need to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Why are you understandingn?! Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Why are you understandingn?! What Diezel is implying is that you do not seem to understand needs that are different to how your needs are. If he is intimacy avoidant than his needs are entirely different from yours. With your questions you constantly want to turn it around to a frame that do fit your needs not his. If you want him back than you need to adjust to his frame. He wants space, making contact is not giving space it is the opposite. Like carry says, it is showing by doing that you are needy. You see why this also is a reason why we do not advice you to go back to him. Being with him will always be hell for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Why are you understandingn?! Because if you are as frustrating and unwilling to listen in real life as you are on this site, I can see why he wouldn't want to wife you up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Do you know WHY it will never work, and you will ultimately NEVER marry this man? Because he has asked for ONE thing from you-space and time to figure out whatever he has to figure out. And you cannot do it. You call him, you run into him...and I'm willing to bet that you don't keep the conversations short and sweet and about inconsequential matters either. I'll be willing to bet that you hound him and ask the same things over and over, just like you do on here. You can't help it, there's something in you that can't let this toxic mess go. And until you do, he will keep stringing you along, using you, making fun of you to your face, and treat you like a piece of sh*t. Because why not? You've shown him that not only will you accept this sort of thing, but you'll beg him to return and give you more. Good luck with this clusterf*ck. I hope that you realize what a tremendous waste of time this *sshole is before you waste too much more time on him. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 How do you make him love you, and get him back? Don't ever call him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 It's BS, because do you know what ultimately led to our breakup? Not me talking about marriage which he now claims to be my big flaw. But rather me bringing up thT the girl whom he flirted with over text for a while (and then deleted the texts ) was back in town. I said "everyone makes mistakes but I feel like logically, how can I trust you not to do that again when you never even apologized before or talked about it" he goes "you keep effing waiting for me to apologize to you." This is almost scary Like history repeating itself because his previous GF? He told me it ended bc after 3 plus years, "she wanted to get engaged and I didn't so we fought and I dumped her" yet I ended up reading texts to his old GF and while that was true, turns out he actually broke up w her as a knee jerk reaction when she read a message that my ex sent to a random girl "friend." My ex's previous gf said to him , "I'm offended that you message other girls "hey beautiful" immediately after sleeping with me." He turned it around on her for looking at his messages and dumped her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts