Mondmellonw Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Please people, don't get offensive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 3. Six figures, doctoral type degree, high responsibility (my most recent ex has same basic job ) Working in the medical field I'm sure you have colleges that can recommend a good therapist. That's what you need. This thread goes nowhere as you ask the same questions over and over ad nauseam. Better you talk to a professional who can work with you one on one and tap into the deeper issues that cause you to act so irrational. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Working in the medical field I'm sure you have colleges that can recommend a good therapist. That's what you need. This thread goes nowhere as you ask the same questions over and over ad nauseam. Better you talk to a professional who can work with you one on one and tap into the deeper issues that cause you to act so irrational. Rams told us already that she is seeing a therapist. I also do not think this thread goes nowhere. The answer to why she acts irrational to many are all to find in her answers in this thread. I bet is working on that with her therapist. I could have given everyone here a psychological profile already for some time, but I haven't done that, objectifying Rams is not what I want. Helping her with her anxiety is what matters to me. I guess some things Rams need to do and experience herself. Often life itself is the only one who can teach us certain things and the answer is not always - but indeed often - what others tell us. Edited September 17, 2015 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I also do not think this thread goes nowhere. . Right, you're as delusional as she is then. 31 pages, 450 posts and no progress in an intelligent and mindful way. Right, this thread is definitely going somewhere. You have been her catalyst in keeping this thing going. Everyone knows this. You're brilliant, I'm in awe at some of the things you've said. But now I'm questioning that. BTW, I'd love you to give me a 'psychological profile'. Go for it. While you're at it give one to yourself. No one is objectifying Rams. She's an irrational person who has major physiatric issues. Dude. In the real world, people like Rams lacks an essential and key human trait. It's called 'reason'. She says she's a Six figure, High profile Executive, but act like a driveling teenager. C'mom. I'm not the only one here who questions the integrity of her claims. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Right, you're as delusional as she is then. 31 pages, 450 posts and no progress in an intelligent and mindful way. Right, this thread is definitely going somewhere. You have been her catalyst in keeping this thing going. Everyone knows this. You're brilliant, I'm in awe at some of the things you've said. But now I'm questioning that. BTW, I'd love you to give me a 'psychological profile'. Go for it. While you're at it give one to yourself. No one is objectifying Rams. She's an irrational person who has major physiatric issues. Dude. In the real world, people like Rams lacks an essential and key human trait. It's called 'reason'. She says she's a Six figure, High profile Executive, but act like a driveling teenager. C'mom. I'm not the only one here who questions the integrity of her claims. No I am not brilliant but yes perhaps delusional myself as I do get some of her emotions. Working on that in real life. I did not accuse anyone here of objectifying her, I said that I (me) do not want to objectify her as I find it important to always talk with someone not about someone. Call it my believe as a humanist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 No I am not brilliant Pfft. Whatever man. You are one of the most important people who post here. I look up to you, among others. Give yourself some credit. I said that I (me) do not want to objectify her as I find it important to always talk with someone not about someone. Call it my believe as a humanist. There you go again, being super passive and cool (That's a good thing). Don't take what I said as an attack. I wanna help Rams out as much as you do. I'm just frustrated and bewildered by the fact that after so much amazing guidance from the community that she continues to backtrack. --------------------------------------- Don't mind me. I'm wanting to see her succseed but it's never gonna happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Pfft. Whatever man. You are one of the most important people who post here. I look up to you, among others. Give yourself some credit. Thanks Gus, really appreciate the compliment. There you go again, being super passive and cool (That's a good thing). Don't take what I said as an attack. I wanna help Rams out as much as you do. I'm just frustrated and bewildered by the fact that after so much amazing guidance from the community that she continues to backtrack. […] Don't mind me. I'm wanting to see her succseed but it's never gonna happen. You are a good man Gus. Yes, it is frustrating as we want to help and I do see that many people are rooting for her; it is what I like on LS. I do get Rams with certain things though, I recognize some of the things she does with myself. It has a lot to do with insecure attachment (attachment theory). I am afraid that Rams needs to experience her ex again to not want it any-more, and that is a shame as I have the feeling she really is a fine and sweet woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 I'm torn bc he claims I ruined the relationship by "pressuring about marriage." But the very first time I brought up the topic (14 months in), he immediately tried to sneak out with another girl to a bar at midnight and already was telling me that he'd decide when to propose "some day" and warned me not to try to ever discuss it further, or else He'd take longer to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I'm torn bc he claims I ruined the relationship by "pressuring about marriage." But the very first time I brought up the topic (14 months in), he immediately tried to sneak out with another girl to a bar at midnight and already was telling me that he'd decide when to propose "some day" and warned me not to try to ever discuss it further, or else He'd take longer to do it. So I guess your gut is telling you something that your head thinks otherwise about? What does your gut say Rams? I also wonder, do you think you fail him if you let him go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Sorry, I didn't quite understand what you meant by your post Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 So I guess your gut is telling you something that your head thinks otherwise about? What does your gut say Rams? Ok yes, that was a bit cryptic. What is it precisely that you are torn about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 If it was my fault, and if I could only convince him I wouldn't talk about marriage anymore, he'd love me again Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 If it was my fault, and if I could only convince him I wouldn't talk about marriage anymore, he'd love me again What I see is that you wrote the word if. Do you really think it was your fault? And can you imagine him loving you if you never mention it again? Perhaps you should ask your father what he thinks of it, or perhaps you can already imagine what he would say to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Well I don't know why every single time I brought up the future he'd get angry. If he really loved me why would he say "I warned you that if you kept wanting to talk about marriage i'd dump you"? Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Because he is a controlling guy who wants everything his way and will eventually make you feel like the biggest crap on earth. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is what happens when you get involved with a person who doesn't respect you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Because he is a controlling guy ... She is right Rams. It is good that it bothers you a bit. I think it is a perfectly natural question to ask. I would be frustrated too if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I tried to ask him if his mom had her own ideas about whom he should marry and that's why he didn't want me to meet or talk to her after 2 years. His response was to yell that I'm an ignorant American. I said "you've literally told me nothing about your family in 2 years so I'm just asking basic questions to try to gather Info." He sneered "well you keep asking the same question all night. Let's see where that gets you. Let's see if I'll respond." I started saying how I just wanted us to hVe an open honest convo... And he started doing this thing where he stared blankly at the wall or his laptop, pretending I didn't exist, all night long. Then ignored me for a full week when he went out of country to fix a "visa problem" Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I tried to ask him if his mom had her own ideas about whom he should marry and that's why he didn't want me to meet or talk to her after 2 years. His response was to yell that I'm an ignorant American. I said "you've literally told me nothing about your family in 2 years so I'm just asking basic questions to try to gather Info." He sneered "well you keep asking the same question all night. Let's see where that gets you. Let's see if I'll respond." I started saying how I just wanted us to hVe an open honest convo... And he started doing this thing where he stared blankly at the wall or his laptop, pretending I didn't exist, all night long. Then ignored me for a full week when he went out of country to fix a "visa problem" Sounds like true love right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Look at the divorce rates. Why would you want to marry someone who you had to negotiate with just to get them to walk down that aisle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yeah. I just don't think it's normal that the very first time I brought up marriage/ whether we were "on the same page," he said he'll mRry me someday when he decides the time is right, but immediately 1) warned me not to keep bringing it up or else he wouldn't propose, and 2) asked another girl to meet him at a bar at midnight and kept flirting with her, asking for pics etc, for weeks. It's not like he did those things after I'd been pressuring, Giving ultimatums. Why would you do those things from the very first time I brought up the topic after over a year of dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I tried to ask him if his mom had her own ideas about whom he should marry and that's why he didn't want me to meet or talk to her after 2 years. His response was to yell that I'm an ignorant American. I said "you've literally told me nothing about your family in 2 years so I'm just asking basic questions to try to gather Info." He sneered "well you keep asking the same question all night. Let's see where that gets you. Let's see if I'll respond." I started saying how I just wanted us to hVe an open honest convo... And he started doing this thing where he stared blankly at the wall or his laptop, pretending I didn't exist, all night long. Then ignored me for a full week when he went out of country to fix a "visa problem" Yeah. I just don't think it's normal that the very first time I brought up marriage/ whether we were "on the same page," he said he'll mRry me someday when he decides the time is right, but immediately 1) warned me not to keep bringing it up or else he wouldn't propose, and 2) asked another girl to meet him at a bar at midnight and kept flirting with her, asking for pics etc, for weeks. It's not like he did those things after I'd been pressuring, Giving ultimatums. Why would you do those things from the very first time I brought up the topic after over a year of dating? You know Rams, this isn't normal, this is him threatening you. He came away with it because you are used to working this hard for attention since you were young. You were used to fearing the reward wouldn't come or missing it and thus riding it out every time as you knew it eventually came. You know this is what makes us in the end anxious: we start to cling as we are afraid that we will miss the moment that the reward might be there. How can you be ignorant if you have to guess everything? It reminds me of some things in my past myself being told that I did not know anything. never the story just a lot of self-pity. That was my father. One important difference is that my father never ignored me, although he never asked how I was feeling the years my mother was ill. These people drain our energy. We all have problems and things we are stressed about, talk about it or shut your mouth forever and don't drag us with you. Threatening and punishing shouldn't be the core of a relationship, you are worth much more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I've just never had an ex this cold and emotionless with no feeling! My other boyfriends broke up w me but they we're sweet even at the end. The last one, who broke up w me bc his Indian family disapproved, said I'd always be the love of his life. Yet this guy now... I'm crying on the phone, asking how he could truly not care if he never saw me again, and silence... After blaming me that he had to dump me bc I kept wanting to talk about marriage beyond "I'll do it some day sometime in future when I decide I'm ready and if that's not good enough then you can leave"? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 i'm crying on the phone, asking how he could truly not care if he never saw me again, and silence... It. Is. Over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 No one is THAT cold. Especially not the guy who kept saying (even in that same convo) he misses me and just can't process how we fought so much about marriage, is worried that we'll get back together but "nothing will Change"- and all he wants to change is that I never get to bring up the topic or ask about approximate timelines or life Goals again?!! Why??? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 No one is THAT cold. Especially not the guy who kept saying (even in that same convo) he misses me and just can't process how we fought so much about marriage, is worried that we'll get back together but "nothing will Change"- and all he wants to change is that I never get to bring up the topic or ask about approximate timelines or life Goals again?!! Why??? Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone where you are forbidden to ask where the relationship is going? Why would you want to waste your life with someone who might decide to never marry you and you're not allowed to ask about that? Why do you want to give someone that kind of power over your life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts