Author rams10 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 I can't leave him alone. I love him and I'm waiting for him to Forgive me for bringing up marriage after he warned me not to anymore. I just don't know how to make him see I'm sorry and love me again Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I can't leave him alone. I love him and I'm waiting for him to Forgive me for bringing up marriage after he warned me not to anymore. I just don't know how to make him see I'm sorry and love me again You can't. And refusing to leave him alone will not make him reconsider anything. All you are doing is reinforcing his previous thoughts about you, which are that you are overly needy and overly meddling. You just made yourself look like a jackass again in his mind with this little stunt. Either way, you need to stop chasing people who don't love you and give your love to people who cherish it and deserve it. You shouldn't have to manipulate, con, or browbeat someone into loving you. I think it's extremely sad that you think that's what love is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 You just made yourself look like a jackass again in his mind with this little stunt. Remember Rams, our actions can make us look a certain way, that does not mean that we are jackasses or whatever. Sticky losangelena her reaction in the other thread: You ARE worthy of being with. Right? Let me say that again. You ARE worthy of being with, which is why we're trying to get you to let go of this one person. Because he probably does not SEE that value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 How worthy can I be though? After 2 years my ex dumped me because "I warned you I'd do this if you kept Bringing up marriage/the future." Barely ever discussed anything serious with me and didn't put much time or effort into our relationship. Meanwhile asked another girl for pics and to meet up at a bar at midnight behind my back. That's what I'm worth! How can I ever be more? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 How worthy can I be though? After 2 years my ex dumped me because "I warned you I'd do this if you kept Bringing up marriage/the future." Barely ever discussed anything serious with me and didn't put much time or effort into our relationship. Meanwhile asked another girl for pics and to meet up at a bar at midnight behind my back. That's what I'm worth! How can I ever be more? The only way you can - and this sounds as though it is easy which is not the case if you are not accustomed to it - is knowing that you are worth more and setting boundaries indicating that from the beginning. What he did to you is something you never ever going to accept any-more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I said it's been good for my ex & I to be separate to gain perspective but not to be apart forever. He said "well I'm glad you gained perspective. A breakup means completely separate. It was meant as a temporary step." I kept waiting for him to correct himself & say "WASN'T meant," but he didn't. ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I said it's been good for my ex & I to be separate to gain perspective but not to be apart forever. He said "well I'm glad you gained perspective. A breakup means completely separate. It was meant as a temporary step." I kept waiting for him to correct himself & say "WASN'T meant," but he didn't. ??? He doesn't want to be with you. Don't keep false hope due to a typo that he probably didn't realize he made. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 But he used to want to be with me. He lived w me and said he'd marry me. Just warned me not to bring I t up again bc scared of commitment Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 But he used to want to be with me. He lived w me and said he'd marry me. Just warned me not to bring I t up again bc scared of commitment All of that is past tense. This is the present. In the present he does not want to be with you. All the past stuff is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 But he used to want to be with me. He lived w me and said he'd marry me. Just warned me not to bring I t up again bc scared of commitment So? All of the above is irrelevant now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 People make mistakes and get back together all the time! There must be a way to show him I'm sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 People make mistakes and get back together all the time! There must be a way to show him I'm sorry! A genuine question: what was the point of this thread when you started it? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 People make mistakes and get back together all the time! There must be a way to show him I'm sorry! Except for hypnotizing, no. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 rams10, are you or have you ever sought out professional therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 People make mistakes and get back together all the time! There must be a way to show him I'm sorry! Not if he doesn't care whether you're sorry or not. And he doesn't care. You have to stop picking at this scab. You're just going to end up bleeding. All you do with these stupid check-ins and text messages is dig your own grave deeper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If only the people here had the same restraint to not engage with the OP as the men in her life do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Everyone acts like I'm some horrible poison to be avoided. I genuinely loved this guy. Excuse me for being insecure when after over a year, he really hasn't shared anything deep about himself, his family, told me what I meant to him, discussed the future in vague terms, or even said "I love you" back 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If only the people here had the same restraint to not engage with the OP as the men in her life do. Well I guess we are adult enough to decide that for ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Well I guess we are adult enough to decide that for ourselves. Sure, but nothing is ever accomplished in the OP's threads. She doesn't sound like a bad person at all; just someone with serious issues that no one here has the capabilities of fixing. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Sure, but nothing is ever accomplished in the OP's threads. She doesn't sound like a bad person at all; just someone with serious issues that no one here has the capabilities of fixing. Thank you for your reaction. It seems to me that Rams does do things with what we write, but it are small steps. Most things seem to be clouded under the things she hopes to get a reaction about. Notice how Rams reacts when one person says a positive thing about her ex. It is typical for someone with anxiety: constantly wanting to hear the same, or pressure builds up. It also seems to me that Rams is used to being controlled and therefore unfortunately has no clue how to be alone. She is the only one who can fix these things with a psychologist, but I (still) believe we can help her see some things. Rams do you recognize these things or do you have other ideas about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Everyone acts like I'm some horrible poison to be avoided. I genuinely loved this guy. Excuse me for being insecure when after over a year, he really hasn't shared anything deep about himself, his family, told me what I meant to him, discussed the future in vague terms, or even said "I love you" back Which is why instead of trying to chase after this man, you should find someone who not only loves you, but is willing to share that love verbally. I mean, re-read what you just wrote. Why the f--k would you ever want to be with such a person to the point where you are orbiting and devaluing yourself like you have done and like you continue to do? Do you really think that little of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Is it really that bad though? I mean he didn't say "I love you" back and the throwing the key seemed odd bc I thought we were just discussing stuff/future as a couple, not fighting. But he's a strongly independent guy that's bothered to see his family once since he came to this country a decade ago, and his own sister once begged me to try to make him care more about their family. So I just need to know how to make my ex open up and really see that I'll make him happy and want me back!! Please please help bc I cannot be as happy with anyone else as I was with him. Ok I could find a stable person who always pays attention and loves Me but stable is boring and I genuinely love my ex Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Is it really that bad though? Yes. So I just need to know how to make my ex open up and really see that I'll make him happy and want me back!! You can't. No matter how many times you repeat the same question, the answer is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 If you think his behavior was so bad and weird then why do you keep telling me I can't get him to love me... As if there's something horribly wrong w me? Look he did all the right things on paper but (My mom and dad said this separately based on how my BF treated them the few times he interacted w them(... There's always a coldness and emotional distance. So how can I bridge the gap? Sounds like he had a weird childhood and closed off emotional past, says he learned at an early age That life sucks and deal with it and don't expect to be all happy Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 If you think his behavior was so bad and weird then why do you keep telling me I can't get him to love me... As if there's something horribly wrong w me? Look he did all the right things on paper but (My mom and dad said this separately based on how my BF treated them the few times he interacted w them(... There's always a coldness and emotional distance. So how can I bridge the gap? Sounds like he had a weird childhood and closed off emotional past, says he learned at an early age That life sucks and deal with it and don't expect to be all happy Because he's a human, not a puppet. He has free will and you can't force him to do anything. It's pretty f--ked up that you want to fool and manipulate him into loving you. But yeah, unless you get him in a hypnotic trance, you can't do a thing. It's up to him whether he wants to take you back. I realize I'm talking to a brick wall, but maybe you will eventually realize that you can't force people to feel a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
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