katielee Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 my new IC asked me what the payoff was for being in limbo. I had no idea. I would LOVE peace, acceptance and forgiveness in my life. Something is keeping my other foot out the door. I suppose I'm afraid of being hurt again. Yet logically, I know that not being in a fully intimate marriage is hurting me too. And we both deserve to be in a fulfilling marriage with all that it entails. I'm pretty sure his foot is out until mine is in. Logically, I can figure this out, letting my heart go that direction - oh so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 So what are you waiting for. I understand your afraid of being hurt but you have chose to reconcile. If he is going to cheat again he will do it regardless if your in a relationship or you are not. Its more to the point you can't control what other people do. You can only react when you learn about it. You might want to consider just working from the stand point of why are you here with me. Why waste your time if your not going to put 100% in. I read the other day where the guy just told her to go when he caught her. She begged to stay and he told her she could but he made it clear he didn't need her and the kids didn't need her as well. He told her they would be just fine without her and he would find another woman to love his children. I think this really freaked her out. He keeps reminding her everyday that she can go anytime. He just shut down on her and where she was probably thinking he would cry like others have and beg for her he just told her to go be with the other guy. All this time where she felt he was neglecting her just went out the window. If you made it clear to your SO you would be just fine with out him what do you think he would do. Would he fight for the relationship or just leave ? C Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 you have chose to reconcile. C I really believe this. But I am fighting it tooth and nail. I know I will be fine if he does it again, I've said as much to him. I don't think he will cheat again. He really wants to be a good person. Part of me doesn't want him to have me because of all the pain he's caused me. He lives as if he wants me (well after his affairs) despite the pain I've caused him. My attitude is not where it should be for reconciling. I don't know how the rest of you get there - accepting it all and saying to yourself yes, despite all did they, I still want to be married to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Well sadly I can't offer really good advice on being successful in reconciliation. I tried for ten years. It ended horribly. I won't ever waste my time again. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than live one day through that. I think your right just take it one day at a time. Hopefully he is doing all the right things and being transparent. Do you have date nights. Does he buy you flowers ? Does he plan special romantic nights for you both ? C Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I really believe this. But I am fighting it tooth and nail. I know I will be fine if he does it again, I've said as much to him. I don't think he will cheat again. He really wants to be a good person. Part of me doesn't want him to have me because of all the pain he's caused me. He lives as if he wants me (well after his affairs) despite the pain I've caused him. My attitude is not where it should be for reconciling. I don't know how the rest of you get there - accepting it all and saying to yourself yes, despite all did they, I still want to be married to them. I really can relate to this as my attitude is no where near reconciling either. Like you I am a madhatter. I think when they offend for a second time (like your WH did and mine) after seeing the pain they caused us the first time, something breaks for good. I haven't been able to recover from the False R. The initial Dday and the discovery of the A, sure I could have worked with that. I can't work with the fact that my WH saw me suffer, saw me spiral into a deep depression and then attempt suicide, only to keep the A going another two years. I can't get past what kind of sick person does this. That's where my draw is. And no I don't feel like being M to my WH anymore, I care about him, but have lost any respect I had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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