DKY Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Hi guys, I need help... For the past month or so, I've been getting the feeling that my SO may be cheating on me. We have been together for a little over 6 years, living together for 2-3 years. Here are some of the things I have noticed recently that makes me worried: - He works evening shifts and usually clocks off at 1am if not earlier, and it takes him 30 min to get home. Lately he is returning home at around 4am. - He tells me that there is a lot of work and he chooses not to be paid for the overtime he works because of all the days where he has finished early but still been paid for hours he did not work. - He used to get ready for bed as soon as he came home. Now he comes home and stays up for hours before coming to bed. - When he finally gets into bed, he is on his phone. He is turned away from me and whenever I shift in the bed or get up, he shuts his screen off or changes the screen to something benign like email or the stock market. - He has stopped telling me about work. - He goes out almost every weekend now when he used to go out less frequently. - He is on the instant messaging phone app Whatsapp a lot. I know because Whatsapp usually states when each user was last "Online". He is on as soon as he wakes, he is on during the day, he is on at work, and he is on nonstop when be arrives home. About the only time he doesn't check Whatsapp every hour is when he is supposedly working overtime. - He is now more aggressive sexually I am his first serious long term partner. He has told me he hates people who cheat. His father cheated on his mother, and his mother was sleeping around following the divorce. He has looked down on my sister for getting emotionally involved with someone else while married. I thought he would never be a cheater for these reasons, but the signs that I am seeing really suggest otherwise. I don't know what to do. I want to confront him but I am afraid he will lie to me. I don't know if he has gotten physical with the other person yet, or if it's just talking at this stage... We hardly talk now. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Put a VAR in his car and see what happens. OTOH, if you have no legal ties to him, simply move on. Your canaries are dying all over the place and it appears trust is toast and suspicion is high. Welcome to LS and sorry it's under such apparent circumstances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I agree with Carhill...something smells rotten and a VAR would be a great way to confirm or dispell your suspicions. I'm sorry this happened to you, but from what you describe, he is taking a page out of the Cheaters handbook. In lieu of that, I also agree with Carhill that it would be best to move on if you don't have any ties. Life is far too short...take it form me. I found out the hard way and I have never lived it down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Give him the smell test when he gets home late: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I think you have good reason to be concerned. If he's not cheating, he's definitely checking out the relationship. I wouldn't suggest confronting him just yet, but I would initiate an honest and non-confrontational talk about the state of things between you two. Tell him you have some concerns about the apparent disconnect and ask him how he's been feeling lately about the relationship. Let him fill in the blanks. Keep your eyes and ears wide open. But it might be that you two have outgrown each other. Six years is a long time to stay with a first love and it's not unusual for such couples to slowly drift apart. How old are you both? I stayed with a serious, live-in boyfriend for nearly eight years, and he started displaying some very similar behaviour to yours. We broke up a few months after I noticed serious changes in him, and I came to find out a couple of years after the fact that there was indeed someone else. But you know what? It didn't really matter because the bottom line was the same: we were both starting to check out and the relationship had run its course. I wasn't happy and in the end it was the best thing for us to split up, even if there hadn't been a (unbeknownst to me) third party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 When you see him on his phone or what's app just ask him who he's talking to. Especially if it's at 4am. That's bizarre. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 When he goes to sleep, go through his phone. Cheaper than a VAR and I'm sure it will be very revealing. If he's put a code on it then it's another sign that he's hiding something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKY Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hi everybody, Thank you for all the replies. I ended things with him last night. I'm not really sure what to do now... It's been a long time since I have been alone. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Just don't jump into dating right away. Sort yourself out first and then head back into the fray. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hi everybody, Thank you for all the replies. I ended things with him last night. I'm not really sure what to do now... It's been a long time since I have been alone. buy a new pair of heels, get dressed up, and go out dancing with the girlie friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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