Did my wife cheat?

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

I don't know if she cheated, but the smart money is on "yes."

[vandemonium]

Just spent a half hour replying to some comments but I/net had timed out so don't know if sent.

 

 

Some more comments.

 

 

Wizer: I will know the truth if I ask the right questions. She is REALLY obvious when lying. I have to think I can trust her again, the alternative is divorce and lack of access to my kids. Can I live life like this? Yes I have been, it is not good but better than the alternative. Married the first bloke who asked her. We dated for 5 years before marrying. I think we both married desperately. She will tell me if they got physical or not. Either by admission or obvious lies.

 

 

Happyman64: No, my wife doesn't know I've seen her emails. I don't tell her so I'm not cut off from a primary source of information. She obviously doesn't know you can read emails then mark them as unread to make it look like they haven't been read. Not I hadn't heard of Stockholm syndrome, have now. I know she had a very special bond with the guy when they were going out. I suspect she blames his mental issues for his actions and deluded herself he has them under control with medication.

 

 

Rightthere: I don't think she is still lying, she is such a lousy liar. We haven't talked about it since about 1.5 months after the incident. I didn't say the bar closed at 2AM. She originally said she had been out for "a few beers", then later said she had got home about 2AM. Her phone said she called a taxi at 4.30AM. The lack of a phone record for the Saturday night isn't proof she didn't catch a cab. She could have hailed one or used his phone. She isn't good at thinking quickly and didn't think of them when I asked her. I didn't have PTSD for 2 weeks. The event that caused it lasted 2 weeks, the PTSD lasted several years. For anyone interested I cured my PTSD by going to a hypnotist in the end. Not to forget but to contact my subconsciousness about some of the events. Good to meet a fellow fan of Oscar Wilde. My favourite quote of his is, "I would never join a club that would have ME as a member".

 

 

 

 

The question I really want answered is, can anyone think ofany circumstances where she would lie if nothing happened?

[RightThere]

The question I really want answered is, can anyone think of any circumstances where she would lie if nothing happened?

 

Asked a different way, Why wouldn't she tell the truth?

 

- Because she's embarrassed

- Because something happened she doesn't want you to know about

- Because she's hiding something

 

The answers are all the same and I think you know that. You're just looking for a reasonable explanation where it doesn't involve your wife doing something inappropriate.

 

To follow up with another Oscar Wilde quote:

 

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious."

 

Sometimes the simplest answer, is the actual answer.

 

All I can help you with at this point is to be vigilant and trust your gut. Good luck.

[BetrayedH]

The question I really want answered is, can anyone think of any circumstances where she would lie if nothing happened?

 

She might lie becaue she knows her actions look bad but she "doesn't want you to worry over nothing." At least that's what I'd expect her to say.

 

This is the problem with having a partner in life that has no problem lying straight to your face.

[BetrayedH]

Oh, as for losing your drafted replies, I'd recommend clicking the box near your login that probably says something like, "Keep me logged in." I had the same problem with being logged out during long replies until I clicked that box.

[vandemonium]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]Havetried replying twice now. I'm such a slow typer that it times out before I sendand disappears. I will type in Word and paste so apologise if formatting iscrap.

 

Firstreplies.

 

Aliveagain:Don't need a polygraph, she is such a bad liar that she is her own polygraph. I’mtalking real bad, stutters, hesitates, breaks eye contact etc. Did get an STDtest, all clear. OM lives in Vietnam so was very worried about the old AnallyInjected Death Sentence.

 

Raena:The evidence I had for her planning on taking the kids away was finding herresearching real estate in her old home town on the net. She seems to beunaware of the browsing history tab. When I confronted her with my suspicionsshe didn’t deny it. Yes she did plan to meet him. I did ask her if it wasplanned and she truthfully said no which was A truth but not THE truth. Ifigured she had talked to him months before and told him about the reunion.Then she talked to him a week before the trip and he told her he would be atthat airport around the same time. HE had planned it that way. She is very naïveso in her mind it was a coincidence and she was being honest. The last minute changeto her flights was to be at the airport on exactly the same day. I don’t intendcalling the OM. He denied everything when I rang him initially to warn him off.My gut is saying that she didn’t have sex with him but something bad happened.

 

Arieswoman:No I have never been in the military. I don’t want to provide any more detailsabout my trauma as it would pinpoint me as one of 280 people in the world.

 

Drifter77:I don’t think she is prepared now and I would get the truth if I raise itagain. We haven’t spoken about it for a long time, she is a lousy liar and I ama good interrogator. My one fear is that she may have now deluded herself thatparts of it didn’t happen (I know she’s good at deluding herself). In whichcase she would pass a polygraph anyway.

 

Buckeye2:I knew when I posted originally about the rape I would have credibility issues.I can imagine some people posting here for attention seeking purposes. I’m notone of them. I will make no further attempt to convince you, if you don’tbelieve me, vote with your feet. I can’t explain something I don’t understandmyself. I can only think she had a really special bond with this guy and washurt and confused about what happened at the end. She never pressed rapecharges. I presume she forgave him due to his mental issues and later thoughthe had it under control with medication. That would explain why I caught herresearching antipsychotic medication on the computer trying to recognise thepills she’d seen him with.

 

Italianjob:Great movie. I still insist it is true unless I was lied to when she told meyears before this incident. She didn’t have to tell me she had had an abortionin the past so had no reason to invent a rape to cause the abortion. I did haveplans to stop her leaving. I saw an attorney and drew up a restraining order. Icouldn’t stop her leaving but I could stop the kids leaving the state. I askedabout a restraining order to stop him seeing my kids but the attorney thoughtthere wasn’t enough evidence. The plan I hatched with him was to allow her toarrange a place in her home state, stopping the kids leaving and hoping shewent anyway. This would mean she had abandoned the family home, which judgesare very hard on, and given me a shot at full custody. I also warned her thatif she was planning that then I would do everything necessary to stop it.

 

Jen1447:Good advice thank you. No I don’t wantto split. I live somewhere there is no fault divorce and assumed shared custodyof kids after divorce. Unfortunately the hairy armpit brigade have wateredshared care through precedent, to the father getting 2 days care every 2 weeks.That is nowhere near enough.

 

SandyLee1:No she probably doesn’t love me. How can I trust her? I don’t. I did initiallythink about telling his wife. Trouble is she is Vietnamese and lives there. Hispostal address wasn’t in my wife’s address book, just his cell phone number. I’mglad I didn’t. If I had broken his marriage it would have left him free topursue my wife. I’m convinced she hadn’t seen him since they split up. I askedand she truthfully said no. I’m not going to do a paternity test. Both kidshave enough of my characteristics to make it unnecessary. My youngest I call “mini me”. She admitted shedidn’t get a rental car. If I ever raise the issue again this will be one of myquestions. Remember she originally confessed after I had asked if the rentalcar arrangements had been smooth. I want to know if she had planned to confess(which would be a good thing) or if she confessed because she knows she is alousy liar and lying about the rental car would have been discovered.

 

Thanksfor all the comments. The question I really want answered is can anyone thinkof any reason she would lie if nothing physical happened.

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[vandemonium]

Thank you BetrayedH, best 2 bits of advice so far, especially about the button.

[m.snow]

Go to Individual Counseling and Marriage Counseling!.

 

Time to figure out if there is something wrong with marriage.

oAsk if her what's bothering her and how you can improve.

oNot enough vacations.

oDo you need to work-out

oIs she getting bored with sex need to Improve Sex Life.

 

Next time wife goes somewhere be that a reunion,vacation or party. Go with her!

 

To many a time in infidelity forums, Wives go on reunion/vacations/parties and husbands "refused" to come. e.i. "Im not a party person, I dont like to travel, Rather stay home, I'm Tired."

 

guess what Ashley Madison statistics say that most affairs or cheating occur around these events and the trigger "the husband refused to go with the wife".

 

+let me guess "you volunteered to watch the kids" is an excuse so you didn't have to go?

 

correct me if i'm wrong, are you Caucasian? your wife is Asian/Vietnamese? and wife's Ex is Asian/Vietnamese?

-if so No competition, i would Not be worried about the ex-bf "if you know what i mean.":lmao:

[vandemonium]

The idea of dragging two young kids on a plane then a 3 hour car trip for me to attend the reunion didn't occur to either of us. A bit impractical.

 

 

 

 

We are both Caucasian so is OM.

 

 

I do have a thing for Asian woman but I've been a good boy and haven't used it since I've been married.

[m.snow]

but i have to admit you are quite the intelligent person. about the medication and all. having the ability to deduce that she had to been with him to now the meds.

 

just wow! your quite the detective.

 

but again go to counseling! you may be smart but counseling is not your field so you have to go.

Edited July 25, 2015 by m.snow

[vandemonium]

It didn't take that much intelligence. Saw her looking at meds on the computer, asked her why, she said she'd seen some pills of his and was trying to recognise the name.

Don't want counseling at this stage it may bring on the confrontation which I want to happen one on one at a time of my choosing.

[italianjob]

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Italianjob:Great movie. I still insist it is true unless I was lied to when she told meyears before this incident. She didn’t have to tell me she had had an abortionin the past so had no reason to invent a rape to cause the abortion.

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Sorry, but there's something way off with this story:

 

- Except for serious problems (Stockholm syndrome, but I've never heard of cases triggered years later), there is NO way a woman would want to be around her rapist, ever, let alone flirt with him. It's something that just doesn't happen.

- If we rule out mental problems, no mother would even THINK of bringing her kids around a man they know is capable of doing such a thing, no matter medications or whatever.

- She could have lied because she was afraid the story would come out for whatever reason. For example in case of pregnancy a previous abortion in her history could come up.

[m.snow]

Sorry, but there's something way off with this story:

 

- Except for serious problems (Stockholm syndrome, but I've never heard of cases triggered years later), there is NO way a woman would want to be around her rapist, ever, let alone flirt with him. It's something that just doesn't happen.

- If we rule out mental problems, no mother would even THINK of bringing her kids around a man they know is capable of doing such a thing, no matter medications or whatever.

- She could have lied because she was afraid the story would come out for whatever reason. For example in case of pregnancy a previous abortion in her history could come up.

 

wow this story somehow relates to my past gf. she married her rapist after we broke-up.

 

the rapist was a high-school classmate/boyfriend, graduation night a lot of drinking things got messy she said no, he forced her down. from what her family told me there was a report filed but it did not go anywhere since she did not want to stand as a witness and describe the events.

 

after her rape and before we hooked-up she was a total lesbian. she was through 3-4 lesbian relationships. i let her learn to trust men again.

 

the guy actually became decent, straightened himself out. was apologetic for like for the past 6 years. and with her psychological fear of men gone. thanks to me btw . they hooked up after a year of our break-up and last i checked they got married.

Edited July 25, 2015 by m.snow

[drifter777]

Thanksfor all the comments. The question I really want answered is can anyone thinkof any reason she would lie if nothing physical happened.

 

You are looking at it logically - like the answer makes sense. Well, you can't make sense out of nonsense so stop tying. Why would she lie if she didn't screw him? Maybe because liars lie. Anyway, for you to continue any thoughts that she didn't have sex with him is pretty naive. Remember:

 

Look, adults go to a hotel room to have sex. She went to his hotel room. You connect the dots.

[lolablue17]

1. Trickle truth is worse than cheating in my eyes. YOu can recover from cheating. You cannot recover from trickle truth.

 

2. One of her answer was "If you'd asked me, I'd tell you". Translation - "I will lie to you till death, or until you catch me". You can ask her "Did you sleep with him" and the answer can be "No". ( He ****ed me while i was awake), "Did you go to bed with him?" "No"! (He ****ed me on the the floor), "Didi you have sex with him?" "No!" (I was only giving head, and he just fingered me)

 

My question is - Why are you interested about the answers of a total complete 100% liar? Why do you pay any attention for what she says?

 

Do you play detective? Find out his wife name and phone and say to her that you know about her Emails, and that you have more information than she thinks. Give her an ultimaum, 1 hour to tell the whole picture otherwise you are going to share those evidence with the OM's wife.

 

I would advice you to tell OM's wife anyway after that, it's a good test to see where her heart is (guess - not with you).

 

You can continue to live with a total liar and a cheater "for the kids", or you can choose other alternatives. But be sure - she'd lied to you before, now and in the future always when she has something to hide.

[Spectre]

I feel you should end the marriage simply because of what she told you about the rape. I do agree with everyone else when they say she did cheat on you. However, she either lied to you about being raped for some reason..or she truly was raped, but still wanted to go cheat on you with him and be with him and willingly have sex with her rapist.

 

I feel a person like this can't truly have any love or respect for you, and that she also has mental health issues that need to be addressed. Though in truth I think it is more likely she lied to you about being raped for some reason. Possibly to garner sympathy.