21 and never dated/what do you think of my life?

[GH101]

I'm a 21 year girl who has never been on a date. I am average in weight and people say I'm pretty, not gorgeous, but cute.

 

Dating sites are not for me, my sister is on them and has had bad experiences. She looks alot like me and hasn't had luck. I just wouldn't be happy on these dating sites. She just posted a thread about her lack of dates/friends too.

 

I also was one course away from getting my AA degree, but couldn't pass math, so I had to drop out. Right now I'm looking for a job.

 

I also don't have any friends, I am close with my family though.

 

The lack of friends and dating is my choice though. I don't have any real places to meet people. I volunteer for different non profit organizations, but I don't make any friends at them. I am a social and outgoing person.

 

I don't mind just hanging with my family. I find most people my age to be too immature and silly for me. I also think the more people you know the more drama you have in your life.

 

I also don't really care about dating right now. Again I think the guys are immature and only interested in hook ups.

 

I just wanted to know if anyone thinks I'm weird or strange for my lack of social life? thanks!

Edited July 22, 2015 by GH101

[S_A]

At 21 I think it's pretty rad that you volunteer. However, I do find the following quote to be "weird":

 

I also think the more people you know the more drama you have in your life.

 

My hunch is that your lack of desire to be social is more of a defense mechanism (feel like you can't fit in?). You don't need 100 friends in life, but everyone needs at least a couple that they can rely on; rely on like body guards! These are the type of friends that you can do more than lean on, they are the type of friends that can put you on their shoulders and carry you when you need it most.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with you not wanting a BF right now. a BF does not validate you or anything. But I think it's important to have at least a couple rock solid friends so that when life kicks your ass, you can pick each other up. A significant other can be that friend btw.

 

edit: Y'know, I've always found posts about lack of friends to be the most heartbreaking (for me anyway). IMO it's worse than people posting about going through divorces or break-ups. Friends get you through those things.

Edited July 22, 2015 by S_A

[GH101]

At 21 I think it's pretty rad that you volunteer. However, I do find the following quote to be "weird":

 

 

 

My hunch is that your lack of desire to be social is more of a defense mechanism. You don't need 100 friends in life, but everyone needs at least a couple that you can rely on like body guards; friends that you can do more than lean on; friends that can put you on their back when you need it most.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with you not wanting a BF right now. a BF does not validate you or anything. But I think it's important to have at least a couple rock solid friends so that when life kicks your ass, you can pick each other up. A significant other can be that friend btw.

 

Yea, I enjoy donating my time to worthy causes. There are alot of people that need help and I try to give back.

 

Well, my sister is my best friend. I also am close with my parents and cousins. So, I do have people in my life to cheer me up and pick me up when I'm down. I guess I just feel like new friends won't be there for me. I wouldn't mind making new friends, but it seems hard to make true friends.

[S_A]

Well, my sister is my best friend. I also am close with my parents and cousins. So, I do have people in my life to cheer me up and pick me up when I'm down. I guess I just feel like new friends won't be there for me. I wouldn't mind making new friends, but it seems hard to make true friends.

 

Family is AMAZING. Especially if you have a big family. But you don't choose your family. You choose your friends. You choose people that BEST compliment you (I don't mean compliment you as in "oh, you're so pretty", but compliment as in compatibility, or we make a great team).

 

And it is hard to make true friends. It especially gets harder when you view a lot of people as immature. In my experience (especially when I was 21), people called those immature who acted "silly" or "goofy". Those same people that acted like goofballs around you may have also been some of the most responsible; responsible as in they take care of their s**t at the end of the day. What I am trying to say is that maturity has little to do with how silly someone seems on the surface, and more to do with how they handle burdens and take care of their responsibilities etc. They may have a high sense of duty. I think those types of people have earned the right to goof off

[GH101]

Family is AMAZING. Especially if you have a big family. But you don't choose your family. You choose your friends. You choose people that BEST compliment you (I don't mean compliment you as in "oh, you're so pretty", but compliment as in compatibility, or we make a great team).

 

And it is hard to make true friends. It especially gets harder when you view a lot of people as immature. In my experience (especially when I was 21), people called those immature who acted "silly" or "goofy". Those same people that acted like goofballs around you may have also been some of the most responsible; responsible as in they take care of their s**t at the end of the day. What I am trying to say is that maturity has little to do with how silly someone seems on the surface, and more to do with how they handle burdens and take care of their responsibilities etc. They may have a high sense of duty. I think those types of people have earned the right to goof off

 

I don't have a huge family. Just my parents, sister, cousins uncles and aunts. I am close with them though. I understand you choose your friends, but they also have to choose you too.

 

Well, I have met immature people that did have their sh*t together. However, I was annoyed by them and didn't enjoy hanging out with them. I knew someone who was in medical school, but every time we hung out she was always drunk. Even though they may be responsible they are annoying to me.

I just don't get along with people my age. I haven't met people that I want to be friends with. Sometimes I come across people I like, but they don't ask to exchange contact info and I never see them again.

It's hard to begin a friendship.

[Toodaloo]

If you are happy whats the problem?

 

At 18 I was volunteering for an organisation that I have stuck with for over 20 years. By 21 I was volunteering for at least 3 other organisations... One I gave up the other I am still volunteering for...

 

I don't think you are sad or missing out on anything if you feel content with your life.

 

Just because you don't fit a stereo type doesn't make you a freak.

 

You seem happy enough and content so what exactly is the problem here?

[craw]

Listen missy, go and finish that ONE course and get your AA degree.

 

Can't you take it part time?

[Lokin4AReason]

there isn't anything ( as you called it ) " weird " about you ..

 

you just know at what you want and don't want the drama or bs associated immature individual(s) ( and that is cool )

 

be a leader ( stand on your own ) and not a follower ( a person trying to fit in ). plus you have all the important people there next to you, cheering you up at when your down and making you smile =0)

 

I am the same as you two ( your sister and you ) w/ the online dating thing. its just a waste or resources and time. if its meant to happen, it will come to you and you not finding it ( or chasing it )

 

I much rather meet someone in person than thru the cyber world IMO

[d0nnivain]

I agree about finishing your degree. Get a job 1st. Then get a tutor to help you pass the math class before your other credits get stale.

 

Since you have family, you & your sister should let them know you would be open to being introduced to a nice person.

 

Good for you that you volunteer. Is there anyone there that you like who you could see being friendly with so you have someone besides your sister to go see a movie with or get a coffee? Be bold & ask that person to accompany you; not a date just friends socializing.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

You'll never get your youth back.

 

 

I can understand not wanting to date in your age group. I don't get why you don't have friends. Do you plan to move out? How hard did you try to pass math? I bet if your phone's screen lock required the answer to a mathematic problem, you would have no problem learning math

[wizer]

You make excuses for not getting things done that you are obviously interested in.

 

You won't do the dating sites because they didn't work for your sister. You didn't get your AA degree because you didn't pass math.

 

Just looking at those two things I have suggestions:

 

Millions of people find success on the dating sites. Just because your sister may "look like you" doesn't mean you are anything close to being the same person and you won't have the same experiences. You don't know until you try it.

 

As far as failing in your goal of getting an AA degree due to your problems with math.. get a tutor. Study more. Find other resources on line such as practice test sites in the area of math that you struggle with. There are always going to be problems, but there are also going to be solutions. You have to know where to look and be willing to put in the effort.

 

It's too easy to take on the "victim mentality" which is one where a person thinks bad things happen to them, and life aint fair and there's nothing they can do about it.

 

Choose your fate, don't just blow along with the wind. You won't like where it takes you.

[GH101]

If you are happy whats the problem?

 

At 18 I was volunteering for an organisation that I have stuck with for over 20 years. By 21 I was volunteering for at least 3 other organisations... One I gave up the other I am still volunteering for...

 

I don't think you are sad or missing out on anything if you feel content with your life.

 

Just because you don't fit a stereo type doesn't make you a freak.

 

You seem happy enough and content so what exactly is the problem here?

 

I am happy. I enjoy volunteering and meeting new people. I'm not sad or feel like I'm really missing out on anything. Thanks for your advice.

[GH101]

Listen missy, go and finish that ONE course and get your AA degree.

 

Can't you take it part time?[/quote

 

I have already taken the math once and failed. The written final exam is fill in the blank and I just couldn't do it.

 

I have gotten tutored and used online resources. It's Algebra and I wish there was another math I could take, but there isn't. I already paid for this course once. It's remedial math, so I still would have to take the math course that counts.

[GH101]

there isn't anything ( as you called it ) " weird " about you ..

 

you just know at what you want and don't want the drama or bs associated immature individual(s) ( and that is cool )

 

be a leader ( stand on your own ) and not a follower ( a person trying to fit in ). plus you have all the important people there next to you, cheering you up at when your down and making you smile =0)

 

I am the same as you two ( your sister and you ) w/ the online dating thing. its just a waste or resources and time. if its meant to happen, it will come to you and you not finding it ( or chasing it )

 

I much rather meet someone in person than thru the cyber world IMO

 

Thanks for your advice. I would also rather meet someone in person and let it happen naturally.

[GH101]

I agree about finishing your degree. Get a job 1st. Then get a tutor to help you pass the math class before your other credits get stale.

 

Since you have family, you & your sister should let them know you would be open to being introduced to a nice person.

 

Good for you that you volunteer. Is there anyone there that you like who you could see being friendly with so you have someone besides your sister to go see a movie with or get a coffee? Be bold & ask that person to accompany you; not a date just friends socializing.

 

Well I don't know anyone to help me get a job. I don't have any experience or degrees to get me a job. I volunteer for non profit, but it hasn't landed me any interviews, let alone jobs. I still apply and hope for the best though.

 

I have already taken the math once and failed. The written final exam is fill in the blank and I just couldn't do it.

 

I have gotten tutored and used online resources. It's Algebra and I wish there was another math I could take, but there isn't. I already paid for this course once. It's remedial math, so I still would have to take the math course that counts.

 

My family doesn't know anyone to set me up with.

 

The people I meet volunteering I usually only see once.

[GH101]

You'll never get your youth back.

 

 

I can understand not wanting to date in your age group. I don't get why you don't have friends. Do you plan to move out? How hard did you try to pass math? I bet if your phone's screen lock required the answer to a mathematic problem, you would have no problem learning math

 

Yea, I know and that's why sometimes I get concerned about my lack of social life and direction.

 

Well, I just don't have anywhere to meet people to become friends. I don't plan on moving out anytime soon. No money to move out and I don't want to live alone. I like living with my family. I tried really hard to pass math.

 

I have already taken the math once and failed. The written final exam is fill in the blank and I just couldn't do it.

 

I have gotten tutored and used online resources. It's Algebra and I wish there was another math I could take, but there isn't. I already paid for this course once. It's remedial math, so I still would have to take the math course that counts.

I don't have a smartphone.

[GH101]

You make excuses for not getting things done that you are obviously interested in.

 

You won't do the dating sites because they didn't work for your sister. You didn't get your AA degree because you didn't pass math.

 

Just looking at those two things I have suggestions:

 

Millions of people find success on the dating sites. Just because your sister may "look like you" doesn't mean you are anything close to being the same person and you won't have the same experiences. You don't know until you try it.

 

As far as failing in your goal of getting an AA degree due to your problems with math.. get a tutor. Study more. Find other resources on line such as practice test sites in the area of math that you struggle with. There are always going to be problems, but there are also going to be solutions. You have to know where to look and be willing to put in the effort.

 

It's too easy to take on the "victim mentality" which is one where a person thinks bad things happen to them, and life aint fair and there's nothing they can do about it.

 

Choose your fate, don't just blow along with the wind. You won't like where it takes you.

 

Well, I wouldn't do the dating sites whether my sister was on them or not. I just don't think they're your me. My sister's bad experiences have just discouraged me more in trying them.

I don't want to have victim mentality, but some things don't work out.

 

I have already taken the math once and failed. The written final exam is fill in the blank and I just couldn't do it.

 

I have gotten tutored and used online resources. It's Algebra and I wish there was another math I could take, but there isn't. I already paid for this course once. It's remedial math, so I still would have to take the math course that counts.

[autumnnight]

GH, you remind me a lot of one of my children, who is about your age. Stacy, we'll call them, is introverted, somewhat sensitive (not as in thin-skinned but as in empathetic and caring), not given to opening up or trusting easily, no real interest in dating. Stacy had one really close friend in high school and a few not as close (like...2 or 3). Stacy is very close to the next youngest sibling and a cousin, and they hang out.

 

Stacy had a small group of people she played a particular game with during the college semesters, but they have not really seen each other this summer.

 

I used to really worry about Stacy. I am extroverted, like to be on the go, probably cared TOO much about dating at her age.

 

But you know what? Stacy is a good person, a responsible person, a very witty person, a loyal person, a giving person, and a kind person.

 

I'm not worried about Stacy. Stacy will "blossom" (whatever that is anyway) when Stacy is ready

 

Same goes for you

[GH101]

GH, you remind me a lot of one of my children, who is about your age. Stacy, we'll call them, is introverted, somewhat sensitive (not as in thin-skinned but as in empathetic and caring), not given to opening up or trusting easily, no real interest in dating. Stacy had one really close friend in high school and a few not as close (like...2 or 3). Stacy is very close to the next youngest sibling and a cousin, and they hang out.

 

Stacy had a small group of people she played a particular game with during the college semesters, but they have not really seen each other this summer.

 

I used to really worry about Stacy. I am extroverted, like to be on the go, probably cared TOO much about dating at her age.

 

But you know what? Stacy is a good person, a responsible person, a very witty person, a loyal person, a giving person, and a kind person.

 

I'm not worried about Stacy. Stacy will "blossom" (whatever that is anyway) when Stacy is ready

 

Same goes for you

 

Thanks for your advice. I believe when I'm ready to date I will. I just don't feel quite ready or interested yet.

I would rather figure out my degree and job first.

I am not introverted though. I am a people person and outgoing. I just can't seem to meet friends. I see people one time at different charity events and then that's it. I don't really care because I don't get along with people my age anyway and I have my family.

[d0nnivain]

Honey -- they are all excuses. Roll up your sleeves & work for what you want.

 

You want a job: send out resumes & applications. There are tons of OL job sites: Monster, CareerBuilder, Snagajob, USAjobs.gov etc. Get on there & apply for 5-10 positions per day. Getting a job is a FT job. Get crackin'. Look around your town. See who has Help wanted signs in the window. Go in & get an application. You should do this at least once per day. Go to local job fairs at least once per month.

 

As for the algebra, I hate it too & struggled with math all my life. All math tests are problems where you supply the answer. Life is not multiple choice. Did you talk to the professor? Did you go to office hours every week & ask for help? How many hours per week outside of class did you spend trying to learn this stuff? If it was less than 2x the number of hours you spent in class you didn't work hard enough for this.

 

How bad do you want it? Right now I see more excuses then effort.

 

When you were in school didn't you meet people in class? Do you smile & say hi? You have to look friendly & approachable to make friends.

[GH101]

Honey -- they are all excuses. Roll up your sleeves & work for what you want.

 

You want a job: send out resumes & applications. There are tons of OL job sites: Monster, CareerBuilder, Snagajob, USAjobs.gov etc. Get on there & apply for 5-10 positions per day. Getting a job is a FT job. Get crackin'. Look around your town. See who has Help wanted signs in the window. Go in & get an application. You should do this at least once per day. Go to local job fairs at least once per month.

 

As for the algebra, I hate it too & struggled with math all my life. All math tests are problems where you supply the answer. Life is not multiple choice. Did you talk to the professor? Did you go to office hours every week & ask for help? How many hours per week outside of class did you spend trying to learn this stuff? If it was less than 2x the number of hours you spent in class you didn't work hard enough for this.

 

How bad do you want it? Right now I see more excuses then effort.

 

When you were in school didn't you meet people in class? Do you smile & say hi? You have to look friendly & approachable to make friends.

 

I do apply, but most jobs you need experience, degree or know someone. There's alot of competition and there not waiting for you. These are not excuses, but the truth.

I spent 3x the hours learning algebra, it was just unbelievably hard and I failed. I can't afford to keep taking this class again especially when it's just remedial, not even the real math course yet.

I did get tutored in person and online. My professor didn't have any advice.

I went to school online because I had to take care of my sick grandmother. I got A's in all my other courses. Remedial in person is just a computer course anyway, they didn't have a professor.

I will try to call around other colleges and see if they offer other math classes.

[Satu]

 

1. I am a social and outgoing person.

 

2. I find most people my age to be too immature and silly for me.

 

 

These two things don't sit well together.

 

If you find most people of your age to be too immature and silly for you, you're not as social and outgoing as you think you are.

[GH101]

These two things don't sit well together.

 

If you find most people of your age to be too immature and silly for you, you're not as social and outgoing as you think you are.

 

Well I do give people chances. I try to talk to different people. Nobody exchanges contact info anyway.

 

I just don't feel I'm missing out on anything since I don't get along with people my own age.

[d0nnivain]

You don't need experience for most of the positions on Snag-a-Job. They are about jobs, not careers. For heaven's sake, waitress if that is all there is for the time being. I made more money the last year I was a bartender then I did the 1st year I was in my career (a career which required a post graduate degree & a license from the state). They call these your salad years for a reason.

 

I would never have been able to pass a math class OL. Does your local community college offer it? Spend the money & go to a brick & mortar school where there are live humans you can talk to. While OL education & distance learning have a purpose, nothing beats the ability to interact in a classroom with an actual teacher.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I'm sure you'll have one before your 25 OP, especially since your a girl