SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My boyfriend of 18 months is on Tinder. Should I be okay with him using Tinder? He matched with his ex girlfriend on it and he was asking her weird questions. They were together for nearly 3 years and he was asking her if she hates him. Why does he care? He said he wanted to see how she was and if she hated him. Is he even emotionally invested in me if he's thinking about his ex girlfriend, wondering how she is and if she hates him. I found out he's on Tinder as she told me. He started cussing her, saying she's stirring and he didn't ask her if she hates him. My boyfriend said his friends messaged her as a joke, she was a part of a game. They didn't speak for 17 months though and I find this very suspicious. Does my boyfriend still love his ex girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. (10 char's). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 He might not love her but he definitely still has feelings for her if he's asking her those things. It is not ok for a guy in a relationship to be in Tinder. He's basically telling you he wants to meet other girls. That's not the guy you want to be with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I agree. There's another issue, caste (Asian drama). Me and him are the same caste so his parents approve of me that's why I think he's with me and not her. Him and his ex girlfriend are different castes so his family won't approve of them being together. He must still have feelings for her or even possibly love her if he still cares about how she is and if she hates him after 17 months of no talking or seeing each other Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Girl. This guy is bad news. No, you should not be okay with him using Tinder. Do you really need to even ask that? Yes, he still has feelings for his ex. Oh, and he's a terrible liar. Why haven't you already sent him his walking papers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 He said he's unmatched her on Tinder and blocked her on WhatsApp, what good is that going to do if he still has feelings for her? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not a lot, for you. Could I ask your ages...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not a lot of what for me? I'm 20 and so is his ex girlfriend. My boyfriend is 22. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not a lot of anything good, for you, if you're an option, rather than a priority. Mentally, emotionally, he's still an adolescent 17-year-old. Drop-kick, move on. he's been with you a year-and-a-half, and still has feelings for his ex? Yeah. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I completely agree with you but what's the annoying part is? HE dumped her and got into a relationship with me. He denies having any feelings or care towards her, do you think he's in denial? In all honestly, if his family approved of her I don't think he would have got with me in the first place. Considering even after 18 months relationship he cares how she is and if she hates him for what he did to her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I completely agree with you but what's the annoying part is? HE dumped her and got into a relationship with me. He denies having any feelings or care towards her, do you think he's in denial? In all honestly, if his family approved of her I don't think he would have got with me in the first place. Considering even after 18 months relationship he cares how she is and if she hates him for what he did to her. Don't dwell on it, or seek justification for his actions. Mentally, he's still going through some aspects of puberty. Seriously. He's stuck on her, literally. Just let him go, and move on. After a year-and-a-half, you deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 You're right, I don't think he can ever truly love me if he isn't over his ex girlfriend despite however our relationship lasts. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You're right, I don't think he can ever truly love me if he isn't over his ex girlfriend despite however our relationship lasts. Even if she weren't in the picture, he has no business being on Tinder in the first place! Sorry OP, but he's looking for other options. I have a feeling she's not the only girl he's been talking to. Get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Even if she weren't in the picture, he has no business being on Tinder in the first place! Sorry OP, but he's looking for other options. I have a feeling she's not the only girl he's been talking to. Get rid of him. I completely agree with you, I think he has been talking to other girls as I don't think he's taken his profile down despite me finding out. If I'm honest, I think me and any other girl he's been talking to or is planning to talk to is for TIME PASS purposes. He still has feelings for his ex girlfriend and may possibly love her despite the fact he's not allowed to be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 who does he do things for?? you or her?? men love who they "rescue" "work" for.. love is an ACTION verb. Some people like forbidden love and others True love.. He sounds like the forbidden fruit kind..the dark romance kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) who does he do things for?? you or her?? men love who they "rescue" "work" for.. love is an ACTION verb. Some people like forbidden love and others True love.. He sounds like the forbidden fruit kind..the dark romance kind. I'm not sure but if she was in any trouble or needed help I'm sure he'd help her. They only started contact last week on Sunday via Tinder. He asked her if she hated him. She was asking "why did you speak to me" and he replies "just to see how you are and if you hate me". WHY does he care? He hasn't seen or spoken to her in 17 months. When she told me about the Tinder, he started saying she's a "psycho" and trying to stir stuff up when he messaged her first asking those type of questions. He's unmatched her on Tinder now and blocked her on WhatsApp, I don't see how that will help, I think deep down he's still in love with her but in denial. Edited July 22, 2015 by SerenaKaur Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes. (10 char's). Sorry I didn't see this comment earlier. Yes what? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My boyfriend of 18 months is on Tinder. Should I be okay with him using Tinder? He matched with his ex girlfriend on it and he was asking her weird questions. They were together for nearly 3 years and he was asking her if she hates him. Why does he care? He said he wanted to see how she was and if she hated him. Is he even emotionally invested in me if he's thinking about his ex girlfriend, wondering how she is and if she hates him. I found out he's on Tinder as she told me. He started cussing her, saying she's stirring and he didn't ask her if she hates him. My boyfriend said his friends messaged her as a joke, she was a part of a game. They didn't speak for 17 months though and I find this very suspicious. Does my boyfriend still love his ex girlfriend? Sorry I didn't see this comment earlier. Yes what? Yes, that's what. (bolded). Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 This isn't the first time he checked up on her. Last year, in July/August (broke up in February and last spoke then). He got his friend to check up on he and see how she was. She even asked him oh "how's you and ..... (ex boyfriend)" even though me and him were public then. She responded really harshly. She said something along the lines "I'm glad it's over etc" and sounded like she hates him. Hence, why now he asked her if she hates him. I ignored it purely because he dumped her. Now, this is the second time he's checked up on her via a dating app. In all honestly, I think if his family accepted her he would be with her and not me. He still seems to care about her feelings towards him despite being in a relationship with me for 18 months. I have a feeling that he still loves her and wants to be with her but his family won't accept her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I have no idea whether he loves her. I do know he doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. That is the only thing you need to know. Act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, that's what. (bolded). Oh okay. He claims to not love or any feelings toward her hence unmatching on Tinder and blocking her of WhatsApp. He says he wants to be with me and that he loves me. I hope he realises soon, he's still in love with his ex girlfriend. Perhaps, when she get's a boyfriend but it'll be too late by then. He know his ex girlfriend still loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I have no idea whether he loves her. I do know he doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. That is the only thing you need to know. Act accordingly. I agree, he may not "love" her but he does still have feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he declares he no longer loves her, he's going to have to go some way to prove that to you. There's an element of trust found wanting, here. he's going to have to cover a lot of ground, to rebuild that. Do you want to work that hard, at your age? How long a period are you willing to invest? As I asked someone else, if you knew your date of dying, is this whom you want to spend the interim period, with? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I agree, he may not "love" her but he does still have feelings for her. Who cares? His behavior shows that your feelings aren't important to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SerenaKaur Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 If he declares he no longer loves her, he's going to have to go some way to prove that to you. There's an element of trust found wanting, here. he's going to have to cover a lot of ground, to rebuild that. Do you want to work that hard, at your age? How long a period are you willing to invest? As I asked someone else, if you knew your date of dying, is this whom you want to spend the interim period, with? That is so true. Life is too short, I don't think he'll get over. We could fast forward a year and he'll still check up on her. I don't think he truly moved on from her. Just sucks being me and he doesn't even realise he still loves her. Unless he does and he's denying it and using me to move on. It hasn't worked so far and I don't think it will. Link to post Share on other sites
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