Space Ritual Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Please do yourself a favor and spend the next week putting together whatever items she has at your place and putting it in a Trash bag. When she returns home and contacts you all you have to do is respond that her stuff is on your porch and she can pick it up anytime she wishes. End of story. NC means no new hurts....prepare to move forward without her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drallafi Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm trying to go visit a friend but right now I'm home for the summer from college with no car, and most of my friends are busy or out of town so I'm kind of forced to stay idle. :/ Damn dude. There's gotta be somewhere you can go... take a bus or something. Get out of town for a few days. ****, even leave your phone behind if you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Just remember that the most important thing is to preserve your dignity and self-respect. They should always be in the foreground. Maintain NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Yes do not respond. Stay NC. She does not have anything to say , she only wants to check your reactions. If she had anything for you, she would write it instead of saying "do you want to talk?" She is probably talking about you to her friends in Israel and wants to check on your mood. Wait until she is back. Stay busy, do activities that help you to forget about her at least for a couple of hours/day. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Here is the original post from last night. After reading the responses in that thread I decided to go NC, and I havent been looking at her social media. Earlier this morning she messaged me, "hi" and I didnt respond. Just now, at 1 a.m. Israeli time, she messaged me, "do you wanna talk??". Do I keep no contact, answer and say "No need", or say "Sure"? Idk. You guys and girls have been super helpful so far, but I'm not sure what to do now. What answer are you looking for here? You've asked this question two or three times now and everyone (except me, ironically ) has consistently told you the same thing about NC. They're not gonna say anything different now. That makes me think you're fishing for a different answer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 You tell him, Jen! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 What answer are you looking for here? You've asked this question two or three times now and everyone (except me, ironically ) has consistently told you the same thing about NC. They're not gonna say anything different now. That makes me think you're fishing for a different answer. LOL Of course he is fishing for something. Many of us who came here with a conundrum in the past were looking for something...anything...that would fit right into our initial theory that it just wasn't happening and that if we simply had a heart to heart that all the problems would be swept away and we could ride off into the sunset with our love as the credits rolled and segued into a Cialis commercial...LOL. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 She's heading down the "oh no! He's not crawling back to me like I expected zone". You have the power right now and as soon as you respond you lose it. If you know she cheated, and it sounds like she did, you should continue to ignore. She'll probably call you soon or say "<your name>??". Let it keep going until she does some extraordinary to reach out to you. If you truly aren't sure, you could say something like "what?" Or "do you have something to say?". Keep it cold and short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 What answer are you looking for here? You've asked this question two or three times now and everyone (except me, ironically ) has consistently told you the same thing about NC. They're not gonna say anything different now. That makes me think you're fishing for a different answer. haha, I don't think I'm fishing for a different answer. I just wasn't sure what to do when she asked me basically a yes or no question. But seeing everyone say keep NC and giving their reasons really helps me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Don't reply. Don't say a single thing. Don't try to play games. Don't text and ask her anything. I'm with most others. You have some pretty concrete stuff to go on. Did she have sex with anyone else? You wont know for sure and if you asked you probably wouldn't get the truth, but everything else points to at the very least disrespecting you and not giving a crap about your relationship. When your heart feels like texting her, come on here and we will try to appeal to your logical side, the side that is going to losing and battling your heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Yes, I believe she has finally hit that "OH *****" moment. She like is going over the whole situation with her "friends" and will likely be trying to do some damage control. You know like, "it's not what it looked like" or "we were just friends and nothing happened." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 haha, I don't think I'm fishing for a different answer. I just wasn't sure what to do when she asked me basically a yes or no question. But seeing everyone say keep NC and giving their reasons really helps me. Yeah, you know everyone is saying to go NC, but she asked you if you wan't to talk and you want to know WHY you should continue with NC? Well, it would seem like going NC has helped you gain some leverage. Keep going NC man. Keep going NC till you have all the leverage. Here is the deal... You did not screw up. She did. She should be meeting you more than half way. She should be coming to you saying she is sorry. You should not be going after her to put yourself in a position to hear an "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" from her. Personally, the relationship would be over for me. If a girl wants to go and mess around, I'm not going to hold her back. She can go mess around all she wants; we'll be finished, but she can go mess around with other dudes. The thing to me is that her behavior did not seem impulsive. It's continued over a span of a few days, right? And she went as far as to post evidence of her finding herself on social media. I'd at least go NC until you can have a face to face, but go into that face to face with the expectstion that the relationhip will end. And as the above poster mentioned, don't get fooled by the damage control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eleve82 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Don't reply. Don't say a single thing. Don't try to play games. Don't text and ask her anything. I'm with most others. You have some pretty concrete stuff to go on. Did she have sex with anyone else? You wont know for sure and if you asked you probably wouldn't get the truth, but everything else points to at the very least disrespecting you and not giving a crap about your relationship. When your heart feels like texting her, come on here and we will try to appeal to your logical side, the side that is going to losing and battling your heart. Frankly if a girl were to go down the route of ignoring her bf on holiday, and did indeed cheat, going NC would just make it 10x easier to leave him. Just saying. NC here with the intent is 'gaining control' is equivalent to silent treatment with an attempt to wrest some notion of 'power' back. It should only be done with the express purpose of moving on, not some kind of passive aggressive control measure. Now, if she is trying to reach out to you to salvage a relationship, going NC also ensures a speedy death, regardless of whether she cheated or not. Choice is yours. Pride over who contacted who is pretty meaningless at this point. Edited July 15, 2015 by eleve82 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Frankly if a girl were to go down the route of ignoring her bf on holiday, and did indeed cheat, going NC would just make it 10x easier to leave him. Just saying. NC here with the intent is 'gaining control' is equivalent to silent treatment with an attempt to wrest some notion of 'power' back. It should only be done with the express purpose of moving on, not some kind of passive aggressive control measure. Now, if she is trying to reach out to you to salvage a relationship, going NC also ensures a speedy death, regardless of whether she cheated or not. Choice is yours. Pride over who contacted who is pretty meaningless at this point. Absolutely 100% agree with this. Really, is this all about getting the upper hand? What's the point? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Frankly if a girl were to go down the route of ignoring her bf on holiday, and did indeed cheat, going NC would just make it 10x easier to leave him. Just saying. NC here with the intent is 'gaining control' is equivalent to silent treatment with an attempt to wrest some notion of 'power' back. It should only be done with the express purpose of moving on, not some kind of passive aggressive control measure. Now, if she is trying to reach out to you to salvage a relationship, going NC also ensures a speedy death, regardless of whether she cheated or not. Choice is yours. Pride over who contacted who is pretty meaningless at this point. Right now he wants to contact her and ask her questions. He wants to know if she cheated. Now is not the time to do it. I'm not sure he can just reply without out asking because of where he is at. It is not to play games, it is for him to be able to think about some things before she gets back. If when she gets back she wants to talk, then he can let her plan a meet up to discuss things and try to be prepared for the worst. He posted in his last thread that they broke up right before the trip and she begged to get back. He asked her before the trip "do you wish you were single for the trip" and she replied "partly". He also posted this "theres people there she would hook up with. Also, she is drinking with these guys, and posted on Snapchat a story of him grabbing her harm and one with her arm around him sitting real close to each other. Also, I think her location on Find My Friends app is still in the same place it was when she was partying with these guys and it's 4am there" He's not in a good place to talk My suggestion, and it has already been mentioned, is that if she tries to call, do not answer. Do not talk to her right now. He can text her back that they can talk when she gets back, but this is nothing to get in to while she is away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Now, if she is trying to reach out to you to salvage a relationship, going NC also ensures a speedy death, regardless of whether she cheated or not. Speedy death is what most have been recommending I think. Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 He's not in a good place to talk This (and everything else you said). Gj dumbass 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Right now he wants to contact her and ask her questions. He wants to know if she cheated. Now is not the time to do it. I'm not sure he can just reply without out asking because of where he is at. It is not to play games, it is for him to be able to think about some things before she gets back. If when she gets back she wants to talk, then he can let her plan a meet up to discuss things and try to be prepared for the worst. He posted in his last thread that they broke up right before the trip and she begged to get back. He asked her before the trip "do you wish you were single for the trip" and she replied "partly". He also posted this "theres people there she would hook up with. Also, she is drinking with these guys, and posted on Snapchat a story of him grabbing her harm and one with her arm around him sitting real close to each other. Also, I think her location on Find My Friends app is still in the same place it was when she was partying with these guys and it's 4am there" He's not in a good place to talk My suggestion, and it has already been mentioned, is that if she tries to call, do not answer. Do not talk to her right now. He can text her back that they can talk when she gets back, but this is nothing to get in to while she is away. Thanks for providing some background, only thing you got wrong was she told me she "partly" wished she was single on the trip yesterday, after I texted and asked. That led me to the conclusion that there are people on the trip she'd hook up with. Then later that night the Snapchat pictures came. Before the trip we were doing great and it remained that way for the first few days of the trip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Right now he wants to contact her and ask her questions. He wants to know if she cheated. Now is not the time to do it. I'm not sure he can just reply without out asking because of where he is at. It is not to play games, it is for him to be able to think about some things before she gets back. If when she gets back she wants to talk, then he can let her plan a meet up to discuss things and try to be prepared for the worst. He posted in his last thread that they broke up right before the trip and she begged to get back. He asked her before the trip "do you wish you were single for the trip" and she replied "partly". He also posted this "theres people there she would hook up with. Also, she is drinking with these guys, and posted on Snapchat a story of him grabbing her harm and one with her arm around him sitting real close to each other. Also, I think her location on Find My Friends app is still in the same place it was when she was partying with these guys and it's 4am there" He's not in a good place to talk My suggestion, and it has already been mentioned, is that if she tries to call, do not answer. Do not talk to her right now. He can text her back that they can talk when she gets back, but this is nothing to get in to while she is away. Thanks for the more in depth info! I would agree, that he should wait. If she has said she "partly" wants to be single right before leaving, I can see without question why he should remain deadly silent. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks for the more in depth info! I would agree, that he should wait. If she has said she "partly" wants to break up right before leaving, I can see without question why he should remain deaf silent. Thanks again. See my above response. Also, there is a bit of a telephone game effect going on in regards to the "partly statement". Yesterday, she told me she'd been acting cold because she thinks she changed/found herself on the trip. Then I asked if she wished she was single of the trip and she said, "partly, but thats not why im being cold". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 See my above response. Also, there is a bit of a telephone game effect going on in regards to the "partly statement". Yesterday, she told me she'd been acting cold because she thinks she changed/found herself on the trip. Then I asked if she wished she was single of the trip and she said, "partly, but *thats not why im being cold". *And if she gets the chance, she'll explain to you all your shortcomings, and why it is all your fault that she jumped in bed with another guy. "I needed xyz, and you weren't giving that to me, blah blah blah." That means that you shouldn't feel bad about what she has done. You should feel bad about you've done, or not done. My advice is don't have that effed up conversation. Not now. Not ever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks for providing some background, only thing you got wrong was she told me she "partly" wished she was single on the trip yesterday, after I texted and asked. That led me to the conclusion that there are people on the trip she'd hook up with. Then later that night the Snapchat pictures came. Before the trip we were doing great and it remained that way for the first few days of the trip. Sorry if I got the timing mixed up a bit and actually thought I caught that after re-reading yours again before I posted it. The fact she said it "while" she was there and not before does not change anything else I suggested. Her answer should have been a profound "no". I think she planned on having "fun" on this trip. You don't make that reply to someone you are really into. Again, my advice is still the same and doesn't change. It is just advice and I believe it to be right for you with your current situation or i wouldn't give it, but you need to do what you feel you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 *And if she gets the chance, she'll explain to you all your shortcomings, and why it is all your fault that she jumped in bed with another guy. "I needed xyz, and you weren't giving that to me, blah blah blah." That means that you shouldn't feel bad about what she has done. You should feel bad about you've done, or not done. My advice is don't have that effed up conversation. Not now. Not ever. Well to be fair she said the other part was that she had found herself and what she wanted on the trip. I don't see her blaming it on me but I could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Well to be fair she said the other part was that she had found herself and what she wanted on the trip. I don't see her blaming it on me but I could be wrong. If she gets the chance, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Here's the deal. You're not going to get the truth. She probably did cheat on you. I can't say for certain. But, it definitely looks that way. Although, I would be completely shocked if she does come clean to you. But, I highly doubt it. I mean, why would she make herself the bad guy? The evil one in all of this? Especially since you have NO WAY to verify if she cheated on you or not. Nah, she'll tell you that the time away made her "find herself" and she needs to keep exploring this new person she found inside herself. Or something stupid like that. And if one of her friends slips up and you find out about some other dude, you can blast her but she'll tell you something like, "He isn't the reason why we broke up!" Dude, go with your gut. Stick to NC and move on. You're never going to get the answers you want and she'll probably never come clean to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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