bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Then I asked if she wished she was single of the trip and she said, "partly, but thats not why im being cold". Well then why didn't you ask what the reason was? Kind of like a soap opera where your kept hanging on. To me it seems like she wants to be single and carefree on vacation then come back and pick up with you so she has someone. One thing bothers me. The reason why she would send a picture of her with another guy with his arm around her and her arm around him tells me that she wants you to react, get pissed, break up and problem solved. Look. Stay the course and when she comes home then you can ask why she sent you that particular picture and if you don't like her answer then let her know that's why she didn't here from you because your done. Look she's three chapters ahead of you in this book and she's practicing her lines and guesstamating your answers so she's going to have her bases covered. When she gets home. listen to what she says and if you don't like what she says, then tell her you took her back once and she ran out of chances. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Frankly if a girl were to go down the route of ignoring her bf on holiday, and did indeed cheat, going NC would just make it 10x easier to leave him. If your girlfriend went on holiday and did cheat on you, then who cares if going NC makes it 10x easier to leave you! If she cheated on you, why the hell would you want her to stay!!! I've been saying it from my first post. Start NC and start moving on as if the relationship is already over. Because chances are, it already is! She's just unaware that he already figured it out. I'm just looking at his NC as a jump start to his healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Well then why didn't you ask what the reason was? Kind of like a soap opera where your kept hanging on. To me it seems like she wants to be single and carefree on vacation then come back and pick up with you so she has someone. I did ask, and she said, "I think this trip has helped me find myself and help me figure out what I want" to which I replied, "which is what" and she suggested we talk in person or at least another time. Later that night she got drunk and posted the photos with the guy. At first I wanted to text her and ask what the hell she is doing and how she could hurt me like that but then I came here to the forums and everyone told me to go NC. I guess I'm just getting a head start on the break up and honestly hoping me going NC causes her some pain back. One thing bothers me. The reason why she would send a picture of her with another guy with his arm around her and her arm around him tells me that she wants you to react, get pissed, break up and problem solved. You're probably right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Alright, she's essentially saying "I've realized I want to break up with you, I'll tell you when I get home". Ditch her ass now and go NC or send some evil text to make her feel like **** for being such a terrible person then block her immediately and go NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) I would also like to point out that your questions and actions will come off extremely weak at this point if you break NC. You'll say things that you'll regret and you'll ask questions that will make her decision easier to CONTINUE to cheat on you. Straight up man, she's disrespected you. Why do you even wanna consider talking to her anymore? Think if it was someone close you telling you the same things you've said, what would you say to them? I doubt you'd suggest "keep talking to her while she's having fun with that Israeli guy". The point of NC is to keep the power in your hands. The power isn't to win her back, but to maintain your self respect, self control and allow yourself to be protected from anymore pain. Edited July 16, 2015 by lauri 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I echo what lauri has said. You made your decision to go NC with her. Stick with that decision and don't back down. If you don't it makes you look like you don't have a back-bone or any self respect. When she comes back and if she is desperately banging your front door down to talk with you, you can decide then if you want to hear her out. (I wouldn't at this point because you know she will just lie and tell you what she thinks you want to hear.) You really shouldn't accept this kind of treatment from her or anyone else like her who does this in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Okay you guys Im really struggling with something. I really really want to look at her Snapchat story. I can see she just posted one 15 minutes ago and she posted a couple from the last night. I feel like if Snapchat didnt exist this would be easy, not texting her for me is easy. But I could so easily just tap on her story, see all that she is up to, maybe confirmation that she cheated. Idk. I feel like Im on the edge of a cliff and I dont want to jump but something is condemning me to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 If you're ready to break it off with her already (SUGGESTED) because of how rude she's been AND the fact she hasn't tried to reach out to you more than the "want to talk?" text, just remove her as a friend or delete the app from your phone. Snapchat isn't that great anyways. If not, look at the snap. As of right now it's likely she cheated on you, but you don't know for sure. If the snap is anything promiscuous, that's confirmation enough and it will be even easier to stay NC or send a "what a slut..." final text before blocking. However, it will hurt like hell in the short term, but then you won't have to ask "what if...?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 If you're ready to break it off with her already (SUGGESTED) it will hurt like hell in the short term, but then you won't have to ask "what if...?" Thats most definitely my dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I wouldn't watch those snapchats? Why? Those have nothing to do with you. She didn't post them for your benefit that's for sure. She might have an idea that you're angry, so she may have posted really innocent ones. But, they're still going to hurt. You'll come back on here and ask us how could she be having so much fun without one thought of me? You would be watching at your own risk. So, if it were me? I wouldn't watch. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Her behavior and words that intentionally have put you in a difficult position are enough for you to end this relationship, whether you can verify that she is cheating or not. You can tell her as much imo, and maybe hear what she has to say but it doesn't matter much because I don't believe you can have a successful relationship with this person anymore no matter what she says (trust is gone). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ahall1701 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) Take it from a guy dealing with the fallout of a bad relationship. Don't text, FB, snapchat or anything else. NOTHING. My ex gave me a total b.s. answer for breaking it off and didn't take any responsibility for her behavior by pointing the finger at me for why the relationship failed. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. Imagine all of your feelings being amplified x1000 plus the anger from realizing you took her **** till the very end. Right now you are in control. DO NOT GIVE HER THAT CONTROL. She wants to find herself, fine. Let this horrid excuse find her way without the satisfaction of being in control of you. BE DONE WITH HER CRAP AND HER. A good partner does not do this. Read my last post and maybe that will help you understand. She is causing you pain and obviously does not respect you. **** THAT!!! Cut her off. Will it ruin her trip? Most likely she'll wonder why your silent. And that will eat at her. But for the love of God do not contact her, NOT ONCE, EVER, NEVER. Stay in control. Keep your dignity. Good luck. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. But understand by doing it this way you come out on top. Edited July 16, 2015 by ahall1701 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) Like I said before, you are not in the state to break NC. You need to maintain your self control here and not look at her snaps. I'll explain why: 1) She will see you have viewed them. That means you're ignoring her texts but still checking up on her. She could easily then start to do things on her snap chat to try to get any sort of reaction from you. You clearly aren't in the right frame of mind to handle this type of action 2) You won't see anything thatll make you feel better - only worse. Don't bother giving her any more validation that you care. She lost you now and she is a waste of your time. Also, I would delete her from snap chat. Remember man, you don't want to be that support for her while she's having fun with another man. It's about you now. There is nothing more you need to find out from her. Trust me - her story will be so full of lies and bs that it could manipulate you into believing her (only because you want to). Edited July 16, 2015 by lauri 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Lauri raises a very good point. She can see that you looked at her snapchat. Then, she's going to wonder why you're looking at her snapchat, but won't talk to her. I've seen this situation happen before where they will post some very questionable pics or quick video clips that will get under your skin and they know that it will. They're hoping that when you see it you'll call. You may be blasting them out and completely angry with them, but at least they got you to call. At least you given them an ego boost showing them you still care if it's affecting you that much. But, I think that you're losing the concept of what NC is for. NC is a tool for you, not for your Ex. You shouldn't use NC with the idea that it's a form of punishment for our Ex's or a way to try to get our Ex's back.. That NC will ruin their day (it's a nice plus, but not it's intention). NC is a tool you use to help you heal and move on. It helps you disconnect from the relationship. It's a tool to finally stop you from being hurt by what our Ex's say or do that would be painful to hear or see. Try not to lose sight of that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 OP please tell me you deleted her off of snap chat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I posted on here a couple days ago that, to my surprise, my girlfriend started posting photos hugging another guy on her trip to Israel only hours after telling me her feelings about me were changing. This forum advised me to go NC, so I have so far. I haven't blocked her on any social media but I don't click on them. However I can still see the little thumbnails and can see she is partying and with more guys. 3 days before she left for Israel, it was her birthday. Part of her present were some very hard to find shoes. However, they were delivered after she left for her trip so I was going to give them to her when she got back. Just now, she texted, "please don't sell the shoes. I'll pay you" This text hit me like a dagger to the heart. Confirmation that our relationship is over and she is ****ing these random guys in Israel and Greece. Her actions and this text make it seem like I meant nothing to her over the past year, it hurts so ****ing bad. I want to text and ask, "so it's over?" And I want to know if she knows how badly she's hurting me. If she even feels anything or she is just glad to never have to worry about me again. I don't have anyone else to talk to so this forum has been my outlet as well as my place for advice. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aboucher21 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I feel for you. I am kinda confused as to how you know you broke up. Did you talk about it or does it just seem like it? If you haven't talked about it I would want that first but if you have all you can do is NC. I also personally would delete her off my social media. You know one of these days you will see something you really don't want to see or youll just scroll through pictures going down memory lane. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sowhynot Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Sorry to hear it's over. Personally, I'd eBay the shoes. It's slightly galling to think of my ex. going around and looking good in the things I bought her ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I feel for you. I am kinda confused as to how you know you broke up. Did you talk about it or does it just seem like it? If you haven't talked about it I would want that first but if you have all you can do is NC. I also personally would delete her off my social media. You know one of these days you will see something you really don't want to see or youll just scroll through pictures going down memory lane. We never had the official break up talk. I guess she just assumes her cheating on me is the same as telling me it's over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Kyle, Now is the time for a reply. The reason is because she's going to contact you over and over in a quest to get the shoes (ie, use you one more time), and you're going to feel the need to respond more than once. Can you imagine, she's asking you for a favor? She must have worn out her old shoes crushing your heart. So, rather than seeing it as breaking no contact, this is preventative in nature: The shoes are already gone. I'm not going to allow myself any further contact with you for now. I'll let you know when that changes. Until then, bye. Two birds, one stone. Then kill all the social media stuff, find a way to get rid of those shoes, and you're at Day 1 of healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I love shoes too, but man, this is so thoughtless of her. She doesn't deserve you or the shoes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Kylej, when is she going to be back home from the trip? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Kylej, when is she going to be back home from the trip? 6 days from today Link to post Share on other sites
Author kylej Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I love shoes too, but man, this is so thoughtless of her. She doesn't deserve you or the shoes. Thoughtless, selfish, heartless. I could think of more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Maintain NC. Maintain your dignity. Maintain your self - respect. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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