MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 So I've been dating this girl for a little while & I really like her. She is one of the most beautiful girls I've seen we click and have a lot of fun together & I've been thinking of making things serious. But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend. I don't mean to offend anyone on here but I have to be honest to myself & what makes me happy. The thing is that she has always been slim judging from the past photos she's shown me. And she seems to not realise that she's gained weight or does she seem to have any intention to diet or go to the gym. She actually told me that shes a foodie &doesn't diet & that she's too lazy to go to the gym. The thing is that I have got back into my fitness and have recently lost a lot of weight after putting it on in my previous relationship and have now adapted healthy eating and exercise into my lifestyle. And every time I suggest that we work out together she just says she's too lazy. So this girl is perfect for me looks wise& personality wise but how do I get her to lose her recent weight gain without hurting her feelings or offending her? i can't help how I feel, weight gain can be avoided and we all feel better about ourselves when we are in shape
joseb Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Put a chain around the refrigerator? lol! Seriously though, how much weight can she have put on in a single month?? Unless she is force feeding herself or something, it can;t be that much, can it? 6
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 But over the last month she has put on a lot of weight & is now boarder line for what is acceptable for my girlfriend. If she no longer meets your "standards" then dump her. You may find you have a happier life if you don't judge people by their weight though. That's pretty shallow dude. 12
casey.lives Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) As a person who has a weak nervous system and extremely weak lower intestines that can lead to ulcers .. i need privacy (time alone) to self sooth and when i can't get that, i eat to stabilize my lower abdomen area.. because i get really really sick. Maybe you need to give her more privacy or time where she is completely alone .. Some people need that and people don't realize this because they take things too personally. it's not about you, it's what she NEEDS! If you do like her maybe you should get to know her better and listen to her and give her what she NEEDS.. you sound like you only care about her looking good, for your appeal, rather than her feeling good, period. Sudden weight gain always point to emotional nervous problems. Be a good boyfriend, and ask her if something's wrong.. Edited July 22, 2015 by casey.lives
guest569 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Break up. You dont "get her to lose weight", she clearly doesn't want to. 3
Lokin4AReason Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 get a membership at a gym and she ll follow ( hopefully )
Papa Beef Cake Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Maybe suggest she undergo some sort of bariatric surgery like the gastric sleeve to help keep the weight off.
DaisyBug Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) It was OK for you to put on a lot of weight with your past GF, but your current GF puts on a bit of weight (in one month's time, it can't be much) and she's crossing the line? If you have a problem with this, never get married. Never have kids. Never make any real commitment with a woman, because things change and it's not always within a person's control. Even if it is, look, you did it, too, and you're lucky your past girl kept you long enough to gain all that weight. You either love her or you don't. If you're willing to withdraw your "love" based on a few extra pounds, then it was never love in the first place. If you plan on keeping her but don't know how to tell her to lose weight, there's no real way of telling a woman she's becoming unattractive to you without hurting her feelings. (She will see through the "I'm just concerned about your health" crap.) Take her on more active dates and to restaurants that sell healthier food. Go on long walks. The more exercise she gets without realizing it, the more likely she'll have more energy to join you at the gym. Edited July 22, 2015 by DaisyBug 12
DaisyBug Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 By the way, if this is just within the past month, are you sure it's not just bloating from her cycle? You would be amazed how much temporary weight a woman can gain, and each month can be different. Also, if she has not noticed her weight gain, then she must still wear the same size clothes. I think you are overreacting here. 2
Diezel Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Break up with her. Your issue with her shouldn't be so much her weight... but in longer term, her "laziness" and "comfort" with food. That might even be worse. It's one thing to gain weight and WANT to do something about it, but she clearly doesn't. You can't do anything else then find someone who shares your point of view on it... or else in five years you'll be posting about how you can't even fathom having sex anymore or how you resent her. Course correct now. There are plenty of other women out there that'll share your view on health and food.
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I don't know what it is but she has gained weight fast! The thing is this girl was close to a ten a month ago& I'm worried about the direction she's taking. The thing is that weight is different for different people but the fact that she wasn't fat before and hasn't ever been fat in the past means it's unnatural. And as for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls( this is what women doLOL). But anyway I can't stand to even look at myself in photos when I had all that excess weight. Weight can be controlled. I'm not being fuc%ed up here but I work hard to take care of myself so I just want the same in return. I'd never make someone feel bad about themselves & I just want my potential future wifey to be her best self while she's with me. Come on guy's I need some better responses
darkbloom Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I mean. You are probably going to hurt her feelings either way to slice this. But I would be honest and tell her that you want to have a healthy lifestyle and you want a partner who wants the same. A few years ago, I gained weight under some crazy circumstances and my boy at the time let me know. He offered suggestions and to take me to the gym. He was supportive and never told me that it bothered him but he knew it bothered me. If she doesn't change her lifestyle, this problem is going to get harder to deal with. Best of luck.
clam Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 If she's porked up this much in one month, hates the gym, and is a self-proclaimed "foodie", I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for your future. Without some kind of change on her part, she will continue to gain. And you will begin to resent her. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who makes health and fitness a priority. Probably time to move on. 2
highseas Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I would give her some more time to shape up or go back to "normal". If it doesn't happen and if you really want to end it, at least give her an ultimatum to slim down or it's over so she has a chance to shape up if she really wants to keep you.
RoseVille Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Think about what you would have wanted your girlfriend to say when YOU were fat. 9
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I would be more worried about her lazy personality than anything else. If you envision a life with her you should know what else she is lazy about like: Oh I am too lazy to cook, clean, work, feed the baby in the middle of the night. The weight: It's not normal to put on that much weight in a month. Did she put on ALL that weight in a month OR you just started noticing a month ago that she's getting bigger? Did she start the birth control pill since she met you? Those will have a woman put on weight at the speed of light! If not maybe she needs to see a doctor and have her thyroid checked. 2
kendahke Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 And as for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls( this is what women doLOL). every human being understands the meaning of the word "no" by that age of 18 months. At any point, did you say to her "No, I dont' want to eat that kind of food--in fact, I'm going to buy my own food and eat that. You eat what you fixed". You didn't take any responsibility for what you put into your mouth, but you want this girl to take the responsibility you never did. Weight can be controlled. I'm not being fuc%ed up here but I work hard to take care of myself so I just want the same in return. I'd never make someone feel bad about themselves & I just want my potential future wifey to be her best self while she's with me. Come on guy's I need some better responses When was the last time she had a physical? Is she on some medication, like a steroid? What has her stress level been? Are you stressing her out and she's stress eating? You're going to make her feel bad about herself no matter what route you take, so decide on the one you can live with and take it. There is no easy way out of this one. You're going to lose about 5 lbs of flesh with this one. 5
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 My old girlfriend did tell me I got fat. But she also told me that she wouldn't mind if I ever did get fat before I got fat( she planted subliminal messages into my subconscious) anyway with me I new I was overweight so her telling me didn't bother me, plus she'd tell me id put on weight and then go out and buy pizza, chocolate and cake hours later( I knew her game LOL). The fact is this girl is beautiful! Nice& funny. I really like her the only issue is her weight
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I don't know what it is but she has gained weight fast! The thing is this girl was close to a ten a month ago& I'm worried about the direction she's taking. The thing is that weight is different for different people but the fact that she wasn't fat before and hasn't ever been fat in the past means it's unnatural. And as for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls( this is what women doLOL). But anyway I can't stand to even look at myself in photos when I had all that excess weight. Weight can be controlled. I'm not being fuc%ed up here but I work hard to take care of myself so I just want the same in return. I'd never make someone feel bad about themselves & I just want my potential future wifey to be her best self while she's with me. Come on guy's I need some better responses I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault as she kept feeding me bad sh#t out of her own insecurities to try and make me less appealing to other girls -- You need to get this kind of thinking under control. It was not your girlfriend's fault that you gained weight. You are responsible for your own eating habits! This says a lot about you in a relationship. And, your previous girlfriend is trying to keep you fat because she's insecure? this is what women doLOL). -- Women do not do that. Just as your previous girlfriend was not responsible for your weight, you are not responsible for this girl's weight. You've expressed your concern, give her some time to show you she is doing something about it. If she doesn't and you lose interest in her, just end it. And, if she's gained so much weight in a month, it might be wise for her to visit the doctor. Is she perhaps pregnant? Is there a hormonal imbalance? It could be a medical issue. 2
Author MC44 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I'm not stressing her out at all. That's not my style. I am genuinely a really kind person. She's really beautiful and it's just a shame to see the sudden weight gain I want to feel proud when I introduce her to my people
fitnessfan365 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 1) You sound like a hypocrite OP. Your weight loss/passion for fitness are BRAND NEW. So you have no right to claim a certain weight is "unacceptable". You should know better than anyone that transitioning into the lifestyle isn't easy. *** I've been working out regularly since I was 16 and a personal trainer for nearly a decade. As someone that's actually been consistent w-health and fitness, it bugs me when a newbie like you acts like a guru. If you're still just as passionate in 3-5 years, then you can talk. 2) You BARELY know this girl. So why do you think you're entitled to a say in how she lives her life? It'd be a different story if you were actually her BF and been seeing her awhile. Then if she gains a lot of weight over a long period of time, you express concern. But her so-called "weight gain" has taken place over the last month. So you're being a bit dramatic. 9
PogoStick Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Don't be guilt-tripped by people here. What are your ages? Are you in the US? I can see who is fit and active, versus ones who are proportionate just because of their young age. Trust me, the latter do not last! And it's sad because they develop their princess attitudes when they're young and attractive but before long they no longer have the body to back it up. No, it's not medical problems. That applies to about 5% of the population, but 30% are obese, and another 30% are moderately overweight. The average US woman is 26 pounds heavier than her counterpart 50 years ago (yes similar for men too). 300 million people didn't suddenly develop genetic disorders. The truth is: The average American’s total caloric intake grew from 2,109 calories in 1970 to 2,568 calories in 2010. -- Pew Research That's what happens to lazy foodies who don't exercise.
Vintage79 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Perfect for you looks-wise, but you're complaining about her looks - you claim that you're trying to be honest with yourself about what you want, but it seems to me that you're not being that realistic about it. Regardless, if her weight is a deal breaker, tell her about it and be prepared to dump her/lose her if she doesn't respond appropriately - no reason to string her along if she's not your cup of tea...
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I'm not stressing her out at all. That's not my style. I am genuinely a really kind person. She's really beautiful and it's just a shame to see the sudden weight gain I want to feel proud when I introduce her to my people "She's really beautiful" until she isn't. "I want to feel proud when I introduce her" but I'm not. "The girl was close to a 10" but now she's only a 9 maybe 8 at best. "As for me gaining weight in my last relationship I believe that it was my last girlfriends fault" not at all MY fault or course. Listen OP, it's clear you're incapable of loving her unconditionally which I find completely ironic given your past experience with weight but whatever. If she's all that and bag of chips but you can't get past her weight gain then maybe you are with her for all the wrong reasons. Often people who gain an excessive amount of weight in a short period of time are using food to numb some uncomfortable feeling or choosing food to cope with whatever is bothering them. Has anything changed in her life or in your relationship in the last month or so? It's easy to just judge people on the surface but if you really care about her, if you genuinely want to help her be the best that she can be FOR HERSELF as much as for yourself then you may have to dig a bit deeper to find out what/if anything is stressing her out rather than just calling her out on her muffin top. That's too easy of a cop out. Good luck. 5
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