contel3 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 After being dumped I have lost a great deal of self confidence. My ex always told me things like "you're not really my type, but you're nice" or "I always fall in love with people that are ugly". He always went on about his idea of beauty and when a girl who matched those criteria came along he didn't hesitate one second to dump me. How do I regain self confidence? Any tricks that helped? I tried casual dating but it hasn't really helped. It actually backfired and it's worse now. I feel better without any men involved. They do tell me I'm beautiful but I just don't believe them. I just think they're desperate and will stick with any woman that comes their way because that's better than being alone (like my ex lol). I also tried exercising. Going on walks. Shopping.That helped a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 After being dumped I have lost a great deal of self confidence. My ex always told me things like "you're not really my type, but you're nice" or "I always fall in love with people that are ugly". He always went on about his idea of beauty and when a girl who matched those criteria came along he didn't hesitate one second to dump me. How do I regain self confidence? Any tricks that helped? I tried casual dating but it hasn't really helped. It actually backfired and it's worse now. I feel better without any men involved. They do tell me I'm beautiful but I just don't believe them. I just think they're desperate and will stick with any woman that comes their way because that's better than being alone (like my ex lol). I also tried exercising. Going on walks. Shopping.That helped a bit. Beauty's subjective and your ex lacks sth far more important by the sound - dignity and character. That means his opinions don't really matter or even hold much water most likely. Maybe take some time off from dating. If it doesn't feel right, wait til it does and focus on you-time in the meantime. You'll be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission. You are giving him all this power. Say to yourself that he was an idiot with no taste. He wouldn't know beautiful if it bit him in the behind. Now do some affirmations about what you like about yourself & start to believe that rather than all the negative crap. Also never continue to date a man who says things like that. The very first time he said or implied that you were less than perfect you should have dumped him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My ex always told me things like "you're not really my type, but you're nice" or "I always fall in love with people that are ugly" And you stuck around? You should have dumped him the moment he said those things. What a douche! He's not worth it. This is probably a good time to reflect and figure out what has led to your self-esteem issues (so much so that you were with a guy who constantly told you, you were less than) and try to make some positive changes. Best wishes! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 contel3, My ex always told me things like "you're not really my type, but you're nice" or "I always fall in love with people that are ugly". Why on earth would you stay with a guy who said such nasty things? ^^^^ I think you need a course in assertiveness training and confidence boosting. This book may help (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give a link like this but the mods will put me straight, no doubt...) A Woman in Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You: Amazon.co.uk: Anne Dickson, Kate Charlesworth: 9780704334205: Books 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LeslieKnope Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Let's start with the obvious: your ex was trash that didn't deserve you. SERIOUSLY. Not even the dirt beneath your feet. Regardless of when you started feeling the way you do, it's time to practice a little self-love. I like the affirmations idea because I've practiced that myself. The funny thing is, when you first start with saying kind things to yourself you feel like you're faking it a bit. Like, why am I saying these things if I don't believe it? But as you keep at it, you start to actually believe the good thoughts. And that's all confidence is, really. And keep doing stuff for yourself - exercising, walking, shopping, surrounding yourself with people you love. I get that it's not an easy switch to turn off - I've had moments where I've wanted to wallow also - but it certainly helps. And if you feel like you need further help, then seeking counselling and/or posting on here is never a bad idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgirl50 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 That's just cruel ! Mine out me down all the time, ugly, stupid etc. he is the one with issues- I finally figured out that he was jealous of me. By putting me down it made me to lose self esteem and confidence. He wanted control. It is a tactic. Continue to take care of yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "you are beautiful". Smile. It really works the more you do it. Be good to yourself! Once I started, I felt so much better! Take care of you.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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