I NEED HELP!!! please give me your advice on my LDR

[AussieDigger]

Okay in september last year I met this girl online.... she seemed like an awesome person, but little did I know it was one of the biggest mistakes ive ever made. We fell madly in love with eachother (yep, over the internet... weird crazy and pathetic) anyway, here is my story, I would really like some advice on what to do, I want advice on the relationship issue not other aspects of the story. Thanks a lot everyone, or please share your experiences with an online relationship.

 

(I really wasnt the person that spent much time on the net at all, and if someone told me they were going out with someone online that they had never met I would have laughed)

 

 

 

 

Anyway so I met this girl from the USA on the net and we fell in love and had that period of calling eachother and getting to know eachother bla bla bla, anyway we decided we would offically go out and she would come over after she finished her year 12 (we are both 18) Okay I have written this like its a normal reality relationship without mentioning the internet at all, just so yous understand.

 

so we decided to go out and we had been together for about 7 months, we were insanely in love with eachother, everything was great and about 2 months into the relationship (even though i know she was in love with me) she cheated on me, she told me like the day after... and i was heart broken i thought this was the best girl in the world and that i was destined to spend the rest of my life with her.... i didnt leave her... because i thought it would have just hurt me more and even though she allready had sworn complete loyalty she promised it to me again....

 

so things went back to normal for a month and then it happened again.... but this time she just hadnt screwed this guy once... shed been screwing him for like weeks and i didnt even know about it!!! she told me one afternoon and i went nuts.. i couldent take it i was so depressed and upset, this creature was destroying my life. Again... what a pathetic sad loser i was i didnt leave her i thought she could just stop and it would be all sweet again and my dream girl would be all mine again... so we had this massive talk for hours just talking about the relationship and she said she had no idea what was going on in her head she would die if i left her and she couldent live without me all that crap... so we decided to stay together. (we allways talked on Aol Instant Messenger, or I would call her, she allways told me about cheating when i called her)

 

The guy she cheated on me with was "just a friend" and when they screwed it "just happened" anyway, shes surrounded by older guys and that night after we had this massive talk to see if we should continue... she rang this guy and asked him to come over!!! (we're both 18) so he sneaks into her room! and they make out but dont have sex and i was just stunned when she told me i was in complete shock i was in a different state of mind in a dream world where i was saying this isent real it cant be happening....

 

She has me by the balls and whats worse is, she knows it... but i didnt understand her at first i didnt understand how she could be in love with me and cheat on me... i didnt know it was possible i dont understand how she could be happy with me (im not just saying this i know she was happy with me) and cheat on me..... so being the weak bastard that i am i stayed with her... and things were all good she hasnt cheated on me again (heh.. well she hasnt told me she has)

 

(i only later realised it really turned her on when i was angry/upset)

 

but now things are screwed, because of the past im allways suspicious, im allways wondering what shes doing and if she could be cheating, she hangs out with guys all the time... she hangs out with them more than me., this is present we are talking about.. and im a very jealous person i just say "if you dont love me anymore just tell me so it can be over" because i was just sick of her not giving me any attention and allways hanging around with other guys... and she gets mad at me and says "stop complaing stop it" because shes allways out with other people and doesent even call me or anything, which is just one of the clearest signs shes not interested anymore... so im like "COME ON WOMEN TELL ME WHATS GOING ON!! IF YOU DONT LOVE ME JUST DUMP ME SO WE CAN END THIS CRAP!!" and that just makes her mad because she says she is in love with me... i dont get it. (when i say she was going out with other guys, she was, but she was never online, and would stop emailing me and stop making any effort to contact or talk to me)

 

Early in the relationship she told me how she enjoyed making guys fall in love with her and leading them on.... but she said im the only guy shes ever loved back (what a jek aye?) so things are crap right now... i think we are on the verge of seperation... this downfall is all her fault of course... she just be's a total bitch and then when i react its like im the one with the problem... can you guys look at this from a neautral position and say "man your getting screwed over here!" or do i seem like the one with something wrong? (apart from staying with her!) i mean shes out with other guys more than me, constantly lies about little things that i pick up easily from physc training so when i say "babe whats wrong, dont you love me anymore?" she just goes crazy and says how i allways complain and im making her hate me... i try to leave her by just not talking to her but i can never be strong enough i allways call her or see her or something....

 

i doubt things will return to normal, i know sooner or later she will dump me and ill be the loser... i just dont have the strength to leave her... im to attached i dont know what to do or how to cope with it, i think the only cure would be for me to be sent on a tour of iraq! that would sure as hell take my mind off it.... but for now she has me by the balls and she enjoys it when im in emotional pain... i cant believe how weak i am...

 

Okay... so the initial plan was... as soon as she gets her passport and greencard or what ever it is, she was going to come here to live with me (she hates it there), but just 3 days ago on the phone all of a sudden she is like "How are we going to pay for my college?" which I had allready thought about months ago whenw e first made the plan... well I would be working full time and we wouldent have to pay any rent or anything like that because we`d be living with my parents... So I explained to her that I had allready thought about it and I would be working full time and that I had saved up quite a bit for our future (I have two jobs now) but she kept saying how "I didnt know what I was doing" "she couldent trust me"

 

I am madly in love with her... but all the bad things she has done to me have really scarred my mind, ill never trust her again, im allways suspicious.... now she has changed all her email passwords and stuff so I cant even check if she is chatting up other guys which she allways meets on forums and chatlines etc. One thing I dont understand is, she comes home from school.... and does stuff on the net... but she doesent reply to my emails or sends me any yahoo messages or anything... she`ll stay home for like half an hour then just goes out again, if she was in love with me why would she not even take the time to write to me? instead she just browses stupid funny picture forums etc... then when i ask why she hasnt replied to any of my emails or anything she is just like "oh i didnt have time" when ive seen her browsing these silly comedy forums... I have told her so many times if she doesent love me and doesent want to continue just say so, so we can end it... but she allways gets angry and says "ofcourse i love you"

 

Just recently too, she said shes going to visit in july (which ill be paying for!) and see the universities and see if its good here... OTHERWISE she says she wants to stay in the USA and do college... and I was like what!!?? you seriously think your going to like me after another year of highschool and like 4 years of college? and shes like "yeah, your the only guy ill ever want" but we have hardly lasted 7 months without all this cheating and fighting happeneing... what do you guys think?? please please give me some advice!!

 

 

(sorry one thing I forgot to mention, I live in Australia)

 

Thanks a lot everyone, I hope what I wrote isent too hard to understand, I wrote the top half of the story and showed it to some other online friends as if it were a real relationship because i didnt want to get laughed at.

 

thanks a lot everybody!

[nugirl]

I'm not quite sure how to approach this issue, however, i will try. I will make this short and sweet. If you are into the internet dating thing, there are plenty of other girls out there. This one seems to be a tad bit...trashy. How the heck does she keep sleeping with other guys and then acting like "it just happened". Well in my opinion, you need to "just happen to break up with her." She may be a great girl, but she just doesn't seem to be to concerned with hurting your feelings and ruining the relationship.

 

It even seems as though she is trying to test you and see how far she can get over on you.

 

Don't put up with it. However, it is your decision.

[Velveteel]

I'm sorry to tell you something you won't want to hear, but she's not for you. If you want to know someone's true feelings, look at their actions, not at their words. She says that she wants only you, but she sleeps around. She says she'll come and live with you and even marry you, then she reverses course and says she needs to check out the universities there first. She says she's in love with you, but she ignores you if she's out with her friends.

 

The handwriting is on the wall. She may think you're a great guy, but she's offering nothing but talk. She isn't mature enough for a commitment. It will hurt you terribly to break up with her, but I do think it's the best thing for your self-esteem and your future relationships.