Something really bad happened today

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

thanks for all your words of support guys... I know my intentions were good, and my letter was really heartfelt and did not plead in any way. Friends of mine recently told me that she hates me now, doesn't want to see me ever again and wants to get with other guys. I mean, I know she's not the biggest fan of me, but it still hurts to hear confirmation of that. Especially because all I've given her is love, and for 15 months she told me that she truly loved me too, and showed it. It feels like in a month she's gone from loving me passionately to hating my guts and literally avoiding seeing my face at all times. Over the past few weeks I've felt much better, but for some reason hearing tonight that she hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me anymore, even after everything we've gone through together has caused me to feel really, really sad. I know I still love her and just thinking about her wanting to get with other guys is what hurts the most. It just really sucks to lose your first love while you still love her and have her go from loving you deeply to hating you in such a short period of time. It makes me feel like I won't love again.

[Chi townD]

thanks for all your words of support guys... I know my intentions were good, and my letter was really heartfelt and did not plead in any way. Friends of mine recently told me that she hates me now, doesn't want to see me ever again and wants to get with other guys. I mean, I know she's not the biggest fan of me, but it still hurts to hear confirmation of that. Especially because all I've given her is love, and for 15 months she told me that she truly loved me too, and showed it. It feels like in a month she's gone from loving me passionately to hating my guts and literally avoiding seeing my face at all times. Over the past few weeks I've felt much better, but for some reason hearing tonight that she hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me anymore, even after everything we've gone through together has caused me to feel really, really sad. I know I still love her and just thinking about her wanting to get with other guys is what hurts the most. It just really sucks to lose your first love while you still love her and have her go from loving you deeply to hating you in such a short period of time. It makes me feel like I won't love again.

 

 

Dude, that's just part of the process. Sometimes, she has to demonize you in her head to make it easier to walk away. Easy to walk away from someone if you're mad that them.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

I think it's also because I was so needy and clingy right after our relationship ended, so I kind of alienated her and made her think that I was insane. It just sucks to know that I'm sitting here still in love with her and wanting to be with her and she's much happier without me, and I've even been told that she hates me now. It really, really sucks, and I have no idea what to do about it.

[Chi townD]

I think it's also because I was so needy and clingy right after our relationship ended, so I kind of alienated her and made her think that I was insane. It just sucks to know that I'm sitting here still in love with her and wanting to be with her and she's much happier without me, and I've even been told that she hates me now. It really, really sucks, and I have no idea what to do about it.

 

 

The only thing you can do about it. You take a little time for yourself and mourn the loss of her and the relationship and you move on. You go full No Contact and you start making positive changes in your life.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

I did that, and for three weeks it really seemed as though I was almost forgetting about her. But after this incident, I've relapsed and now I'm sad about it again. Really sad.

[Chi townD]

I did that, and for three weeks it really seemed as though I was almost forgetting about her. But after this incident, I've relapsed and now I'm sad about it again. Really sad.

 

 

Welcome back to square one.

 

 

And so what if it seems like you're forgetting about her. That's the point. NC is a tool to help you disconnect from the relationship; from her and to heal. To get to a point that if you do think about her, all you feel is indifferent towards her. If it feels like you're abandoning her, you're not. She's moving on and it's evident she has a support group. Well, you have one too. It's us. We'll get you through this, but you must be willing to listen to suggestions. Trust me, we've all been through what you have and we've come out the other side.

[autumnnight]

Recovering from a relationship is a three steps forward two steps back process. It doesn't go in a straight line. I think what you did was honorable and thoughtful.

 

Go off to college and enjoy every minute. You're going to meet people, learn things, and love someone again.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Something else bad happened today guys...

So my ex is with a friend in chicago on a trip that she and I were supposed to take together. She posted videos of herself crowd surfing and sitting on some guy's shoulders throughout the concert and I just saw that this morning and am completely devastated... I mean, I know she's moved on, but just to know that she's okay being with some other guy already has absolutely shattered me.

[frigginlost]

Something else bad happened today guys...

So my ex is with a friend in chicago on a trip that she and I were supposed to take together. She posted videos of herself crowd surfing and sitting on some guy's shoulders throughout the concert and I just saw that this morning and am completely devastated... I mean, I know she's moved on, but just to know that she's okay being with some other guy already has absolutely shattered me.

 

Okay, first off, just take some deep breaths. This is the part of a breakup that absolutely destroys us. We have all been there and know exactly how you feel. It hurts, and it hurts bad. The only thing you can do right now is ride out your emotions. It sucks to be tossed aside, but there is a lesson to be learned. If they wanted to be with us, they would. There is nothing we can do to change that.

 

Sorry man. It really sucks.

 

If it makes you feel any better, my was with a new guy within 2 weeks and at a vacation spot we were supposed to be at a week later. I know what you're going through...

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

I'm not going to lie, this is probably worse than the initial breakup... I am absolutely shattered. I feel like crying but the tears won't come out. I literally just don't know what to do. This amazing girl that I love and have loved for such a long time and who loved me back for such a long time is now okay with throwing herself at other guys at a concert. I can't even fathom that someone could do that so quickly. It's been less than a month since we broke up after a relationship of more than a year.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Hey guys, most of you know my story. I'm 18, starting college in a month. Met my first love junior year in high school, we dated for around a year and a half, were head over heels for each other and all of that. We got each other gifts, talked about the future, the whole 9 yards. Suddenly she gets cold and distant, breaks up with me and comes back to me twice. Anyway, we broke up for the final time around a month ago.

 

Immediately post breakup I was devastated, and it being my first big breakup I didn't know any better and was needy and desperate after our breakup, so she blocked me on Facebook and blocked my phone number. Long story short, she starts hating me and starts being really just vicious to me, when before she had been incredibly sad about the breakup.

 

Around 3 weeks of NC in, I thought i was almost completely over her. But now, this weekend she went with her friend on a trip, and I keep hearing about how she was on some guys shoulders throughout a concert and is at a house party with a lot of guys late at night. I'm devastated. I don't know for sure that she's been with someone else, but I can only make the basic assumption that she has, and it's killing me inside. I went from forgetting about her for most of the day to waking up in the middle of the night in tears. I feel like I should just man up, but I can't. I can't believe the girl that would tell me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me could then start hating me and go out and hook up with random guys and be happy about it. The girl that would get a little jealous if I mentioned to a buddy that another girl was attractive can now go out and get drunk and get with random guys. It just hurts so badly, and I don't know why, and I don't know what to do about it. Moving on seemed pretty easy last week, but now it seems like an impossibility. Any advice?

[CollegeKid101]

Hey man,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're in a ton of pain and have experienced your first true heartbreak, it's a terrible feeling because I lived through it. I had a very similar situation to you, met my gf junior year, dated till my freshman year of college (she was a year younger) and I broke it off finally after two years of giving everything to her and her taking it for granted. However, I was still devastated and depressed after I found out she had sex with a kid a week later. I couldn't sleep, my mom actually put me on sleeping pills and anxiety pills in order to help me because it was bad. I even maybe was a bit suicidal at one pout because I was going to community college with ZERO friends.

 

Let me tell you, I'm sure as hell happy I didn't hurt myself in anyway. You didn't mention anything about being suicidal, but do not even let those thoughts entertain your brain. Because let me tell you, I GOT OVER HER. I went strict NC right away, blocked her on everything and didn't respond to any of her texts/calls. She even begged for me back after she had sex with this kid (she did this for nearly 6 months). The greatest feeling in the world was telling her no and how I did not love her anymore. I actually met somebody else and she was furious and mean, but I just was over her after how she treated me. Although it didn't work out with the other girl, I broke that off too.

 

I'm here to tell you it gets WAY better. Dude, you're 18 and probably going off to college. I go to a Big Ten school now and the amount of girls is ridiculous! Way hotter than any girl in high school and YOU DO NOT WANT A HS GF IN COLLEGE. Trust me. You're going to look back and laugh at this. Do not contact her ever again and when she texts/calls for you, don't respond. You'll feel great. I'm 20 now and look back and wish I didn't have a gf in high school or my first year of college because you miss out on so much. Don't miss out on college because it's too much fun to have a girlfriend.

 

Now I'm sure you don't care about other girls right now. I'm just letting you know you will get over this and life will be so much better without her. You seem just like I was to this girl, a ****ing prince to her. I treated that girl better than I treat my own family (and I treat my family like gold). These girls are NOT worth our time.

 

Do not let this girl bring you down. She sucks. Why would you wanna be with some whore that sleeps around? You don't. You're probably an awesome guy and you'll have plenty of girls and you'll stop loving her like you do. I'm not going to lie and say I've completely forgotten about my ex, I'll think of her from time to time because she was my first love, but I've moved on and matured since being with her.

 

You'll be fine my man, you can always message me on here or email me if you need to. Hang in there, you'll be okay!

[TaraMaiden2]

... you can always message me on here or email me if you need to. Hang in there, you'll be okay!

Actually, no.... he can't. Not yet.

 

You neither of you have PM facilities yet. you need to be around as regular contributors for at least a month or so, and rack up the post count.

 

And do NOT whatever you do, post your email details on forum. That's a no-no, and you'll be rapped over the knuckles for it....

 

Sorry, but that's the way it is here.

 

OP, it takes a while to process emotions and what happens with people we thought we would be linked to, for ever.

 

It's a patronising thing to say, and I'm sorry if it sounds that way, but you're very young, so you're going to feel these emotions very strongly. Like a red, raw, burnt patch of skin where the blister has burst and exposed the wound underneath, this will definitely smart for a while, and connections with her and any news will be like lemon juice on it.

 

But yes - it WILL pass.

Focus on yourself, and gear yourself up for moving on.

Read the NC Guide in my signature.

Implement it, and stick to it 100%.

 

Tell your freinds you please do not WANT updates, and you'll get mad with anyone who keeps feeding you that crap.

 

Oh and, by the way...?

She doesn't 'hate you'.

She's not hating you by meeting other guys.

 

She's moving on with her life.

And so should you.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Actually, no.... he can't. Not yet.

 

You neither of you have PM facilities yet. you need to be around as regular contributors for at least a month or so, and rack up the post count.

 

And do NOT whatever you do, post your email details on forum. That's a no-no, and you'll be rapped over the knuckles for it....

 

Sorry, but that's the way it is here.

 

OP, it takes a while to process emotions and what happens with people we thought we would be linked to, for ever.

 

It's a patronising thing to say, and I'm sorry if it sounds that way, but you're very young, so you're going to feel these emotions very strongly. Like a red, raw, burnt patch of skin where the blister has burst and exposed the wound underneath, this will definitely smart for a while, and connections with her and any news will be like lemon juice on it.

 

But yes - it WILL pass.

Focus on yourself, and gear yourself up for moving on.

Read the NC Guide in my signature.

Implement it, and stick to it 100%.

 

Tell your freinds you please do not WANT updates, and you'll get mad with anyone who keeps feeding you that crap.

 

Oh and, by the way...?

She doesn't 'hate you'.

She's not hating you by meeting other guys.

 

She's moving on with her life.

And so should you.

 

I'm not basing the fact that she hates me on the fact that she's been with other guys. I know she hates me, a lot, and for no good reason too. She just started hating me after the breakup, and to be fair, I was clingy for a bit, but certainly not deserving of hate. This is undoubtedly the worst i've felt in a long time. a really long time.

[Chi townD]

Okay, here's the deal. You say that she hates you. Deep down, that's not true. She had to demonize you in her head so she wouldn't feel so guilty about moving on and dating other guys. It's easy to walk away from someone you're mad at. It's just a way for her to justify her own actions and deal with her guilt. It has nothing to do with you. It's selfish and all it does is make you a victim. So, the best thing to do is not be around to be her 'punching bag".

 

 

If your friends are telling you stuff about her, you need to talk to those friends. Tell them, respectfully, that you would rather not hear anything about her. If they're your friends, they'll respect that request. You need to block her on all of your social media. YOU are responsible for safeguarding your own NC. So, you need to plug up the holes.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

It's brutal dude. I thought I was in such good shape before this, but now that I essentially know that she was with someone else, I'm destroyed. I know the only thing I can do is vent on here and work through my pain until eventually it subsides, but right now, it just sucks so, so much. I keep imagining her acting bubbly and excited and nervous around this new guy the same way she was with me in the beginning, and it's just an absolutely awful, awful feeling.

[OldSoul86]

Shame on whoever is feeding you post breakup information. If I were you, I'd be straight up with the person/people who're feeding you this information - you don't want to know ANYTHING about your ex post breakup. Knowing even little details can be extremely destructive - you've made up some grandiose scenarios with limited info. Trust me when I say this, it is better to cut it off cleanly and know nothing about the ex.

 

You need to put your foot down and tell others that you don't want to/need to hear anything about it, period. Do yourself a favour, and stop the source of information - the source of your misery.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

Shame on whoever is feeding you post breakup information. If I were you, I'd be straight up with the person/people who're feeding you this information - you don't want to know ANYTHING about your ex post breakup. Knowing even little details can be extremely destructive - you've made up some grandiose scenarios with limited info. Trust me when I say this, it is better to cut it off cleanly and know nothing about the ex.

 

You need to put your foot down and tell others that you don't want to/need to hear anything about it, period. Do yourself a favour, and stop the source of information - the source of your misery.

 

I haven't really made grandiose scenarios with limited info; She was at a party with her friend and two guys playing beer pong, so clearly I think they went with the intention of hooking up with those guys. Either way, whether or not I stop the flow of information, I've relapsed. Besides, what else could happen that would be worse?

[Chi townD]

I haven't really made grandiose scenarios with limited info; She was at a party with her friend and two guys playing beer pong, so clearly I think they went with the intention of hooking up with those guys. Either way, whether or not I stop the flow of information, I've relapsed. Besides, what else could happen that would be worse?

 

 

Oh, a lot worse could happen.....but, not to you. If she did hook up, she could have contracted herpes or worse. She could end up pregnant and screw up her life plans for a guy that will probably kick her and the kid to the curb. So, stop stressing over something you have absolutely NO control over.

 

 

Dude, look to the future! You are about to go off to college!!! College is what you make of it! HAVE FUN!!!!! (but, balance that with your studies) There are a ton of clubs you can join to meet new people and put yourself out there! Go meet them! They hold events all the time! GO TO THEM!! Parties are everywhere!! HAVE A BLAST!!! A lot of Universities have a study abroad program! Wouldn't it be cool if you studied in London for six months? Or Madrid, or Paris?!?!?

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. So, think about getting your revenge.

[NeverHurtSoMuch]

No doubt I'm psyched about college and starting a whole new and exciting chapter. But I'm also sad about ending this chapter in such a bad way, especially with someone that I love. And it still hurts. A lot.

[Chi townD]

No doubt I'm psyched about college and starting a whole new and exciting chapter. But I'm also sad about ending this chapter in such a bad way, especially with someone that I love. And it still hurts. A lot.

 

 

You didn't end it, she did. You should be excited about turning that page and starting that new chapter. Because the last one was fill with deceit, betrayal and pain. Who would want to revisit that?

[OldSoul86]

You didn't end it, she did. You should be excited about turning that page and starting that new chapter. Because the last one was fill with deceit, betrayal and pain. Who would want to revisit that?

 

I agree with Chi townD. I have read bits and pieces of your story NeverHurtSoMuch, as tough as a breakup is, it is something that the vast majority of us experience in our lives. You are starting a VERY exciting chapter in your life. Take what has happened to you as an experience, and learn what you will not tolerate in future relationships. This includes learning the importance of a clean breakup where no one is in your ear, giving you snippets of information about your ex's life after the relationship is over.

 

It really is time to turn the page and start a new chapter. You have done literally everything you could have done, and that includes post breakup. It obviously isn't enough for your ex - so my sincerest advice is to look forward and get pumped up about going to college. You're going to learn a TON about yourself, you're hopefully going to be successful academically, and maybe you'll meet someone special there - you need to get into the right frame of mind and leave the past where it belongs. Take it from me, rarely anything good comes from reliving or attempting to revisit what is gone and done.