how do i get him to get counseling for his depression?????

[Jtizzle]

To the facts to make a long story semi short... I met a guy at the end of january and well i cant say we really had a "connection" so to speak, and personally im not really sure why im his friend..but our semi-friendship turned into him havin feelings for me,etc. Now far as our relation-ship goes, i dont have the romantic feelings for him, hell its a hassle to even be his friend. I think i am a very nice and forgiving person where i dont judge on first impressions. Im not fond of him because i am a talker so to say, and he wants me to call him ALL THE TIME or he'll call me and have absolutely nothin to say, and he takes everything i say out of context and twist it around which irks me...

 

besides the not really having a conversation, i think i am not fond of him more of the reason that i think he is a walkin nutcase and ticking timebomb.See me, im a happy person and i love to joke around, but when i am serious i LISTEN and give advice,etc.. I have the personality where even though life doesnt go my way, i still manage to keep a smile on my face and find lifes lesson in the misfortune. whereas with him he hates EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING and always talk about killin hisself and failed suicide attempts...Most of the time we speak on the phone he get upset with me over some fun-hearted sarcastic remark i say and the conversation usually ends with him sayin he hates me, and that i can never be serious, or when i am that i always preach and teach and thats not what he wants ....

 

then he usually calls back and apologize for everything..at first it hurt my feelins, it made me seem like i was a bad person or something..but i looked at all my other male friends and they dont take what i say to heart or misconstrew what i am saying/meaning. but now, i am used to my buddy throwin a temper tantrum when we talk, i wait for it like mice wait for cheese...when i sense it comin, i bounce out quick to avoid all of tha rapture..and i do that now, because he told me that everytime we have a argument or he feels he was bein too mean to me, that he slit his wrists..

 

and we had a big fight the other night and he said he would come to my house and kill hisself right in front of me..i hate to hear that type of stuff from anybody..NO ONE and NOTHING is worth killing or hurting yourself...

 

well tonite he told me his life story all the way up until he was 16 (he is 21 now, and he says the story is not over)...but yea he told me his life story tonite and told me he got abused by his grandfather,did like 7 suicide attempts, said everybody he trusted basically gave him the short end of the stick, had to sell drugs, etc..basically he lived the hard knock life, and he said that is why he is the way he is (so negative, distrusting,suicidal and all that other stuff)...

 

I myself (almost 19) have had a hard knock life somewhat similar to his, but yet i have so much life in me and the vision to be someone even though my family think i am no one....i dont think negative like that...actually im opposite of all that, because my misfortunes in life helped me gain knowledge and knowledge carries you a long way in life...

 

i finally told dude before i let him be on his way to bed, that he needed some serious professional help, and he snapped at me for thinking that he was crazy,etc...which wasnt the case..i suggested it because he could actually be happy if he got over and learned from when he was disappointed and down and mistreated,etc..but he doesnt see it that way..

 

personally i think he is on a path to self destruction..his family tears him down, and he feels he needs ME as a gf to make him happy, but for my defense i cant be with someone who could hurt themselves and is possesive and angry all the time and dont want to learn what life has to offer..basically i fear for my life if i was dating him...

 

since he is TOTALLY opposed to doing counseling of any sort, what can i do to make him see the light that he will have happiness at some point in his life, and to help get him out of that depression?

[LucreziaBorgia]

since he is TOTALLY opposed to doing counseling of any sort, what can i do to make him see the light that he will have happiness at some point in his life, and to help get him out of that depression?

 

Trust me, that's something he can only figure out on his own. Until he objectively believes that himself, and is willing to take the steps to get there there is little you can do. He has an infinite black hole inside of him, and he expects you to fill it for him. You can do whatever you can to help him, but nothing you do outside of having him involuntarily committed (where he will definitely have to face his issues and resolve them) will do nothing to fill that hole that he has inside. Only he can fill it up, he just doesn't see that yet. Hopefully one day he will. Until then, there is no need to allow yourself to be swallowed up into that hole.

 

The best thing you can do to someone who depressed and uses passive aggressive threats to emotionally blackmail you into staying with him is to refuse to let him feed off of you. Tell him that you are not responsible for his happiness, and you cannot stay in a relationship with someone who expects that of you. Then cut him loose, go 'no contact' and threaten him with a restraining order if necessary. If he threatens suicide or cutting again, hang up the phone with him, or leave and call the police, give them his location and report him as a suicide. Its not your responsibility to handle, so stuff like that is best left to someone who can really help him.

 

It won't be easy, but there is nothing you can do in this situation except fall victim to it, or remove yourself from it.

 

If you find you need help and support, call the national abuse hotline and they can give you some further strategies for dealing with a guy like this. It sounds like he is the victim in this, but in fact what he is doing to you is emotional abuse.