I loose my father and my girl the same week.

[Haai]

Hello everybody, my name is Haai, and i live Spain.

 

On the 15th of june i lost my father. A sudden heart attack, and he went aged 73. I had to drive over one hour and a half to deal with funeral issues, and just to top it all up, i had to see him dead on his bed, and help the funeral people to take him out of his flat.

 

A horror story. My girlfriend of 10 years helped me the first and the second day, with the 4 one hour and a half trips to go and get back from my dads place on the coast ( i live inland ).

 

She got her father to lend me his car, as mine was a bit tired after 100.000 miles and 15 years, and in general was suportive those days.

 

But on the 19th, four days after, she asks me to do a couple of things.

 

1-Take our cat to the vet. The poor bugger had several scratching injuries on his back and neck. We take him to the vet, and after several test, he says the cat has cat leucemia. In other words, he will only live about 2-3 years max. He is already one year old.

 

2- What am i going to do with my dads ashes. Getting him incinerated cost a lot of real hard cash, because he had no insurance, even though his living level was quite good.

 

To point 1 i answer that the best thing to do is give the cat the best time of his life till he pops his clogs. The castration thing now has no point, and we have to look after him till he goes away. As if i did not have enough with my dad passing away.

 

To point 2, i explain that on day 5 from my dads death, i have agreed with his wife (not my mum), to spread his ashes under a huge magnolia, around 21hrs, just before dark, as spreading, or burying ashes is highly illegal in Spain, and you can get fined 1000`s of euros.

 

To point 1, she says...

 

-Take the cat, and take him for a long ride in the car, and dump him. I don't want to see him suffer...

 

To point 2, she says...

 

-No, no, at that time no way, i have to work. Sad excuse, cos she took time of her main job (looking after a 93 year old woman, she only has to clean and prepare each morning, and put to bed, total, 45 minutes morning, and 15 at night, and covered by her mum when we had to deal with my dad). You have to spread/bury his ashes in daytime, or late at night.

 

So i go crazy, and we have a huge argument. I have never touched her, but she decides to take our dog, and she goes to her mums house that night.

 

The next morning, i want to die. I am in bed till late, woken up by her and her mum. They both tell me to leave the flat asap. The relation has reached the end. I am no angel, but i have been a suportive partner all these years, worked like a dog, and helped with her family things allways.

 

I tell them that ok, but i need time to organize myself. First of month is ok. During the next days, me and the cat live like kings, doing everything that was prohibited. Eating nice things (the cat, i have lost over 10kg in the first month), watching prohibited programs on tv (mainly car shows, etc), and taking things with calm.

 

She and i have a business together. She put all the cash, i put years of work.She says we have to find a solution for our main asset, a very special type of microbus, that cost a small fortune. I work out a deal, to buy her out, with my partner in another thing.

 

Eventually, just before the end of the month, i hit the road, and move to the flat of a musician. We have a lifelong friend in common, who gets the thing rolling so i can have a place to stay while i sort out my things. I have no real money, just plenty of work. After ten days, the musician is high on really bad drugs, and fairly paranoid. He tells me to start finding another place. Even though he is very clean, and his flat is quite nice, and i am quite correct myself, i find myself having to find a second place. All of this while i do not have my car (she took the keys), and moving takes energy and money.

 

I find a second place, in the same town, at a fair distance from the flat i had lived with my ex for nearly 8 years. My new flatmate is my same age, divorced a year and a half ago, with two kids. We get on ok, except for little details about the flat, but yes, we are ok together. He works all day. Every two weekends, his kids spend the weekend with him/me, and the kids think i am cool and ok. I know what he does not like, and viceversa.

 

The weekends with the kids are intense. One is 6, another 10. They can play for over 10 hours on the Playstation. I have internet, and when i am really fed up, i go for long walks, or i go to my room, and i have a quite snooze. Not allways will i be like this, because most weekends i normally work all day.

 

I feel sad for them. But at least, in my whole story, i dont have kids, just a beautiful dog, and a lovely cat. I call them my children, but if you dont have animals, its hard to understand. I think that the price to pay to see them is too high.

 

I am in contact with her via Wassup, due to the company things. I probably have to see her soon. One friend asked me if i saw myself with her in the future...in 5, 10 etc years. No, i really dont want to go back with her. I think all of this was planned, and she saw the chance to go for it.

 

Its a really hard time in my personal history. Probably the worst one ever. She is not my only partner in my life. I have had about 6-7 partners, and had a really bad time in 3-4 cases, over the past 25 years.

 

My life has changed, i have changed, things will never be like before. I am a fighter, i glee with the idea of getting past this situation.

 

Thanks for your great forum !!!

[Haai]

I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks after the passing away of my dad, i had a brief one night romance with a girl i met by accident on a divorced people facebook in my area.

 

She liked the silly things i posted on that Face, and after a few days, she sugested to have a coffee together. In less then an hour we were having a nice chat and a beer near my place. She has a 8 year old girl, and i like the woman...nice sense of humour, witty, fairly trim. After many hour talking and having a good time, we got romantic, and things go fairly far, while we look at the stars...

 

But in the end, after a few days of romance via wassap, telephone and internet, she says that her ex has come back from Paris, from a job destination he had been sent to, and that she wants to give that relation a try, cos she feels thats she has to find out if he is the man. I dont feel bad about this, it would have been nice to continue, but right now, i need time and space to organize my life.

 

It bosted my ego, without doubt.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad but I can't get past your GF's suggestion about the sick cat. To take a cat with feline leukemia & dump it is horrid! For that alone you may be better off without her. Stay connected to your kids & try to get custody of your dog because frankly I don't trust her with any animal.

[Haai]

Thanks Donnivain;

 

I dont really think she was serious about dumping the cat, i just think it was i way of provoking me, and to drive me totally nuts. When i mean my kids, i mean my cat and dog. I am sure that i am better without her, i know i can live without her.

 

These days are hard. I have little work, to much free time, and my serious transport problems, that i have to deal with asap. I plan to get a bycicle, to move around for the next month or two, till i can get a big 600 cc+ roadbike. Most days i do at least one hour walking. Helps me to unblock my brain.

 

Already people notice the weight loss. I find it hard to eat. Before i food go through a load of food everyday, but no now, i have no apetite. Plus, if i go down in weight, i will look sexier for sure, and who knows what the tide might bring in tomorrow.....

 

Thanks again !!