Husband watches massage videos

[Lois_Griffin]

Yeah, it's pretty bad. I don't see any other choice... I don't believe in divorce unless he cheats. Looks like he is getting pretty close, if he isn't already there.

Well, just from reading your past posts, it sounds like you're stuck in the 1950's, living in some kind of isolated hell.

 

Four kids, SAHM, homeschooling, a husband who sucks at sex and only does painful quickies, he's completely disengaged from you and the marriage, he's unemotional, and it sounds like he's only there because of familial responsibility and having nowhere else to go. Ugh.

 

You have some kind of phobia about meat so you refuse to cook and he's mad that he has to work all day then come home and cook dinner. Now he knows how most working women feel. Sorry, no sympathy there. I've been doing it for years.

 

You never get a break and you're in mommy mode 24 hours a day. I honestly wanted to shoot myself when I read your thread. It just sounds like your life is sheer misery. I too don't understand why you'd have yet another kid with this guy. To me, that's yet just another tether to him.

 

I'm not sure why you think that he has to cheat in order for you to finally leave this farce of a marriage, but to each their own, I guess. Truth is, I'm getting the feeling you really don't have many other options being a SAHM with so many kids and being dependent on him so you stay in this misery because you have no other choice.

 

I'm not even REMOTELY sure how watching massage videos could possibly equate to 'getting close to cheating.'

[lucy_in_disguise]

Yah, im not sure what your question is re: he massage videos. He is probably using them to jerk off, if thats what yoire aski g, but i hink thats the least of your problems.

 

Unfortunately, being a SAHM to 5 kids including a baby makes it difficult for you to gain independence, which is what you really need to have any chance at improving your marriage or getting out of it. I would suggest getting a job. It might be a challenge to find something flexible that will allow you to continue meeting your kids' needs. Maybe that can be a long term goal for you?

[Keenly]

No no no n. You People have it all wrong about something you don't understand.

 

 

He isn't jerking it to massage videos. This is an ASMR trigger for him. It's completely about relaxation and about that tingly feeling you get when you hear a trigger.

 

I " watch " these videos all the time. And there is nothing sexual whatsoever going on. It's me sitting there listening to relaxing ASMR triggers ( usually a soft spoken voice and relaxing music " while playing a game or doing whatever surfing the Web.

 

 

Seriously... You guys took something completely innocent and ran a thousand miles in the wrong direction with it.

 

 

Massage videos \ ASMR videos are completely non sexual and can help a lot of people relax, sleep better, and just unwind from a bad day.

[HannahRose]

Okay, I’ll respond to all the posts at one time. First, I love our baby and would go through everything all over again to have him. I would never change that, ever. All my kids are worth everything I have gone through. So, that aside… yes, I am pretty isolated and I am in mommy mode 24 hours a day… I do not get breaks. My breaks are to shower or clean something… but, I figure that is how it is for most moms when their children are young.

 

I stay because I don’t believe in divorce and yes, it would be hard to put my kids in daycare and go get a job. Young children need their moms. I know some moms have to work, of course. I totally get that. I just have the option of staying home with the kids, so I’ve taken it.

 

Keenly, he says what you are saying, but I just don’t get it. If that really is the case, he shouldn’t be watching ones where the female is pretty much naked... this is a religious view... it’s just inappropriate in my opinion. I know some people are okay with porn and their spouses seeing other people naked, but I am just not okay with that (and he knew about my religious views before we married and agreed). He is saying he will never watch it again and he swore on our kids he is not using the videos to do anything sexual. It just seems really weird to me.

Edited July 23, 2015 by HannahRose

[Keenly]

So you're demanding he take away an outlet for him that helps him relax and makes him happy because it bothers you for an irrational reason.

 

 

Better not let him ever go to the beach. Or to any public pool. Because they are wearing less clothes then those in massage videos.

 

 

 

It's not sexual. You are making it sexual.

[HannahRose]

So you're demanding he take away an outlet for him that helps him relax and makes him happy because it bothers you for an irrational reason.

 

 

Better not let him ever go to the beach. Or to any public pool. Because they are wearing less clothes then those in massage videos.

 

 

 

It's not sexual. You are making it sexual.

 

I posted the actual video earlier (before I realized it was against forum rules). A couple of posters felt that the video was used for sexual reasons. I don't think you saw the video. The comments under the video clearly mean the video is sexual for most guys.

 

It's not like going to the beach or a pool. It's not for an irrational reason, either.

 

And, actually, yes... if my husband needs to watch an undressed woman (that is not his wife) get a massage to feel relaxed and happy... well, let's just say he's definitely not the guy for me.

Edited July 23, 2015 by HannahRose

[LoveMachine67]

I posted the actual video earlier (before I realized it was against forum rules). A couple of posters felt that the video was used for sexual reasons. I don't think you saw the video.

 

It's not like going to the beach or a pool. It's not for an irrational reason, either.

 

Maybe I'm just a perv, but I once I saw skin and the touching, my thoughts began to wander. Imagination and an erection is a terrible thing to waste.

 

Common sense dictates that if he's not having sex with his wife, or having an affair, then he has be masturbating. What are the odds the he's celibate?

 

Hannah, if your husband is masturbating instead of having sex with you, then you have every right to be upset with him watching these videos. After all, he's not practicing the art of ASMR

 

on you, his wife.

[Keenly]

You still don't understand.

 

With ASMR specifically, it's not about sight. It's about sound. Is the massage therapist speaking softly? Is there relaxing music playing?

If both of these are correct, he is not watching these videos, he is listening to them.

 

 

Seriously, this isn't automatically a sexual thing. Do some research on ASMR before demanding he remove it from.his life.

[HannahRose]

Maybe I'm just a perv, but I once I saw skin and the touching, my thoughts began to wander. Imagination and an erection is a terrible thing to waste.

 

Common sense dictates that if he's not having sex with his wife, or having an affair, then he has be masturbating. What are the odds the he's celibate?

 

Hannah, if your husband is masturbating instead of having sex with you, then you have every right to be upset with him watching these videos. After all, he's not practicing the art of ASMR

 

on you, his wife.

 

He is doing that... he admits it. He blames me, too, but he is the one who has continued to sleep on the couch.

 

You still don't understand.

 

With ASMR specifically, it's not about sight. It's about sound. Is the massage therapist speaking softly? Is there relaxing music playing?

If both of these are correct, he is not watching these videos, he is listening to them.

 

 

Seriously, this isn't automatically a sexual thing. Do some research on ASMR before demanding he remove it from.his life.

 

I think the guy is speaking softly... not sure about music, but I don't think there was any.

 

I think my "husband" is a freak.

 

ETA: just watched the video. The guy is not speaking softly... just normally. There is some music in the background, but you can't hear it too much over his voice.

Edited July 23, 2015 by HannahRose

[HannahRose]

So, you mean to tell me he just wants to hear this guy talk while his eyes are closed? He is not watching the guy rub the girl? I soooo don't buy that, but if it were true, he must be gay.

[LoveMachine67]

Hannah, I really hate to ask you this, but do you think that he does not find you attractive anymore?

 

Does he dislike your weight? Assuming that you gained baby weight, and have not lost it yet.

 

Again, I apologize for asking you these questions, I'm just trying to figure out possible reasons for his behavior.

[Keenly]

So, you mean to tell me he just wants to hear this guy talk while his eyes are closed? He is not watching the guy rub the girl? I soooo don't buy that, but if it were true, he must be gay.

 

Again, the refusal to even attempt to understan. You need to do some actual research on autonomous sensory meridian response.

 

It's a real, scientifically proven reaction to certain stimuli. It's not sexual.

 

If the videos he is watching meet these criteria, it's 100% harmless. If the video, however. Is no audio and just some dude rubbing on a chick, that's different and not an ASMR Video.

[LoveMachine67]

Again, the refusal to even attempt to understan. You need to do some actual research on autonomous sensory meridian response.

 

It's a real, scientifically proven reaction to certain stimuli. It's not sexual.

 

If the videos he is watching meet these criteria, it's 100% harmless. If the video, however. Is no audio and just some dude rubbing on a chick, that's different and not an ASMR Video.

 

 

Would a person still get these benefits from watching this on a YouTube video?

[Keenly]

Would a person still get these benefits from watching this on a YouTube video?

 

One hundred percent yes. I watch the types of videos almost every day. Not all of them are massage videos, but a lot of them can be.

 

Every person has different triggers. My personal favorite channels are Psychetruth and Heather Feather.

 

My triggers are the combination of a soft female voice with the stock relaxation music, or Heathers whispering voice with her binaural audio microphone.

 

I don't watch the videos. I put them on in the background. There's no way of knowing by search history if he is watching or listening.

 

 

Just do the research. One wiki article is all it takes.s

[KalmOne]

This is the OP's spouse.

 

I listen to videos to help with my insomnia. I used to listen to video game reviews, computer hardware reviews and so on and it gave a similar effect. I also fall asleep to the T.V. being on. The massage videos help more than the others and I never thought they would be an issue to my wife. Once she expressed that it was an issue I told her I wouldn't watch them anymore. I used to take sleeping pills but with a new baby I don't want to be that drowsy and they also make me sleep walk, talk and so on.

 

I have always had problems sleeping. I do not watch these videos for any sexual gratification heck I don't even watch the videos. I don't know if some of the posters in this discussion are just trolling or are single people who want to cause problems for couples. Keenly you are 100% correct about why I listen to these videos. Even when my wife emailed and asked me about the videos I told her I thought I was weird for being able to relax to them but then I searched and read about ASMR. When I realize I wasn't a lone freak I felt better but now I feel like a freak again.

 

Reading my wife's other posts I see she has complained about me not sleeping in the room with her. This was her choice and she tries to put it off on be because I snore and have not been able to lose enough weight to stop.

I don't want to be fat and I don't want to snore but I was told that if I snore and wake the new baby up there would be problems for me. I also did get used to sleeping on the couch and falling asleep to the T.V. being on. I will admit to that.

 

As far as her previous posts about not getting breaks and the share of chores I never thought she didn't do anything or didn't do enough. I know SAHM are the hardest working woman on Earth and that home schooling makes it that much harder. I was more selfish before and I was a meaner person. I suffer from sever depression and which manifests as anger and agitation for males. I am now on multiple medications to fix the problem.

 

As far as sex goes I ask and want to have it all the time. My wife is the one who rejects me almost on a daily basis. It is not that I am not trying. I feel odd having to even come on here but after reading about what has been said about me I felt like I should at least explain myself.

 

I love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her. I was not watching these videos as a form of porn I was using them as a form of sedative.

I do not fault my wife for how she feels. That is why I told her i wouldn't watch the videos anymore.

 

Sorry and thanks

[HannahRose]

Hannah, I really hate to ask you this, but do you think that he does not find you attractive anymore?

 

Does he dislike your weight? Assuming that you gained baby weight, and have not lost it yet.

 

Again, I apologize for asking you these questions, I'm just trying to figure out possible reasons for his behavior.

 

It's okay, not a problem. I did gain weight during the pregnancy (as I do every time) but I will lose it soon (as I have every time). This goes on even when I do not have any baby weight. I'm young and pretty. He is the overweight one who refuses to lose it, even though he is good-looking when he is thin.

 

Again, the refusal to even attempt to understan. You need to do some actual research on autonomous sensory meridian response.

 

It's a real, scientifically proven reaction to certain stimuli. It's not sexual.

 

If the videos he is watching meet these criteria, it's 100% harmless. If the video, however. Is no audio and just some dude rubbing on a chick, that's different and not an ASMR Video.

 

I've tried to understand. I googled it. I still think the video I saw is inappropriate. Maybe you should watch it (if you significant other approves) and tell us if you react like the other guys in this thread (and the guys who commented on the video on youtube).

[Keenly]

For one, you can't use YouTube comments, or any internet comment box to prove anything about anything. It's the internet we are talking about here.

 

 

Secondly, I can't watch a video of a removed link. Compare what you saw to the videos on the psychetruth channel, and tell me if they are similar in nature.

 

 

I think you are letting your insecurity talk you into reacting defensively, rather than attempting to understand and educate yourself about it.

[HannahRose]

This is the OP's spouse.

 

I listen to videos to help with my insomnia. I used to listen to video game reviews, computer hardware reviews and so on and it gave a similar effect. I also fall asleep to the T.V. being on. The massage videos help more than the others and I never thought they would be an issue to my wife. Once she expressed that it was an issue I told her I wouldn't watch them anymore. I used to take sleeping pills but with a new baby I don't want to be that drowsy and they also make me sleep walk, talk and so on.

 

I have always had problems sleeping. I do not watch these videos for any sexual gratification heck I don't even watch the videos. I don't know if some of the posters in this discussion are just trolling or are single people who want to cause problems for couples. Keenly you are 100% correct about why I listen to these videos. Even when my wife emailed and asked me about the videos I told her I thought I was weird for being able to relax to them but then I searched and read about ASMR. When I realize I wasn't a lone freak I felt better but now I feel like a freak again.

 

Reading my wife's other posts I see she has complained about me not sleeping in the room with her. This was her choice and she tries to put it off on be because I snore and have not been able to lose enough weight to stop.

I don't want to be fat and I don't want to snore but I was told that if I snore and wake the new baby up there would be problems for me. I also did get used to sleeping on the couch and falling asleep to the T.V. being on. I will admit to that.

 

As far as her previous posts about not getting breaks and the share of chores I never thought she didn't do anything or didn't do enough. I know SAHM are the hardest working woman on Earth and that home schooling makes it that much harder. I was more selfish before and I was a meaner person. I suffer from sever depression and which manifests as anger and agitation for males. I am now on multiple medications to fix the problem.

 

As far as sex goes I ask and want to have it all the time. My wife is the one who rejects me almost on a daily basis. It is not that I am not trying. I feel odd having to even come on here but after reading about what has been said about me I felt like I should at least explain myself.

 

I love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her. I was not watching these videos as a form of porn I was using them as a form of sedative.

I do not fault my wife for how she feels. That is why I told her i wouldn't watch the videos anymore.

 

Sorry and thanks

 

You are full of it. I begged you to sleep in our bed for years, even crying about it during the pregnancy. You did for a couple of nights and then went back to sleeping on the couch. You are lying, and that is pretty pathetic.

 

You do not give me breaks and you say I do nothing all day as a SAHM.

 

Sure you ask every now and then to do stuff, but I will not when you are sending me to bed at a certain hour like I'm a child, and staying up all night by yourself watching massage videos, and then sleeping on a couch. What kind of marriage is that? I've been telling you this for years and you continue to ignore me, so I've given up. I honestly can't believe how dishonest you are being about this.

[HannahRose]

For one, you can't use YouTube comments, or any internet comment box to prove anything about anything. It's the internet we are talking about here.

 

 

Secondly, I can't watch a video of a removed link. Compare what you saw to the videos on the psychetruth channel, and tell me if they are similar in nature.

 

 

I think you are letting your insecurity talk you into reacting defensively, rather than attempting to understand and educate yourself about it.

 

I can PM it to you, if you want.

[Keenly]

If you want, sure.

 

 

 

But oh man let me grab my popcorn.

[HannahRose]

This just turned into Jerry Springer.

[Keenly]

Upon review of the play ( video ) the call stands. It's an ASMR video, from the channel I even suggested, and is completely harmless and is being blown out of proportion into something it is not.

 

 

It's not sexual. It's not voyeuristic in nature, it's an ASMR video.

[hotgurl]

I have to say insomnia is a hard beast to live with.

 

I have it myself and while most nights I do sleep with my husband, when I am having a bad night I sleep on the couch. I don't want to disturb him.

 

Plus sleeping pills have some pretty bad side effects and I agree I wouldn't want to take them with a newborn. Depending how severe the insomnia is sometimes natural remedies work and sometime they don't

 

Why don't you believe your husband when he said it is for relaxation?

 

You seem super angry. Honestly the videos are the least of your problems.

[Keenly]

She doesn't seem willing to accept asmr as an answer. If he wanted half naked women, there are plenty of bikini soft core porn videos to Watch.

 

 

Instead he is watching asmr videos, and there is only.one logical reason why.

 

 

OP, I think the real issue here is the insecurity.of your husband seeing a cute girl on the Internet. Even though that's not why he is there, it's what is bothering you.

[HannahRose]

Upon review of the play ( video ) the call stands. It's an ASMR video, from the channel I even suggested, and is completely harmless and is being blown out of proportion into something it is not.

 

 

It's not sexual. It's not voyeuristic in nature, it's an ASMR video.

 

I am a very conservative Christian (which he claims to be), so to me, it is highly inappropriate.

 

I have to say insomnia is a hard beast to live with.

 

I have it myself and while most nights I do sleep with my husband, when I am having a bad night I sleep on the couch. I don't want to disturb him.

 

Plus sleeping pills have some pretty bad side effects and I agree I wouldn't want to take them with a newborn. Depending how severe the insomnia is sometimes natural remedies work and sometime they don't

 

Why don't you believe your husband when he said it is for relaxation?

 

You seem super angry. Honestly the videos are the least of your problems.

 

I agree he should not take the sleeping pills. However, I do not buy the insomnia thing. He is able to crash on our couch right when he gets home from work, on weekends all day long, etc. He is tired, sure. I don't believe he needs help getting to sleep.

 

I am angry, yes. He is lying about the sleeping situation and that is unfair. I originally told him to sleep on the couch when his snoring kept me awake. We went to counseling and he blamed me for not sleeping with me in the bed to our pastor, who came down on me (nicely) for that. I felt bad (realized how terrible it was for our marriage and sex life) and told him to sleep in the bed again. He would for a couple of nights and then he would stop, which made me feel bad as I really did want him to sleep in our bed. Long story short, years have past and he still won't sleep in the bed. It's a very sour point in our marriage.

 

He did say he will try to lose the weight to stop snoring, but he only diets for a few days and then stops. He refuses to exercise. I have lost baby weight every time I have a baby. I have offered to diet and exercise with him. He refuses and if I take the kids on walks, he plays video games or sleeps. I have some weight to lose now (since I just had another baby) but he will not exercise with me. I will have to take the kids out with me and walk/jog around our neighborhood alone.

 

I am completely alone in this marriage. I have to beg him to sleep in our bed. I have to beg him to do stuff with me, like go shopping our on walks, etc. If I sit back and say nothing, he sleeps on the couch and plays video games. We only watch movies together when I suggest it. He has stopped putting all effort into the marriage. We won't even get into the horrible, racist names he calls me.