Husband watches massage videos

[LoveMachine67]

I don't know why we keep hanging on... we just do, but we just don't get along. I don't remember the last time we just sat and talked. I thought it would be a good idea to go walk or jog tonight, have a healthy dinner, and watch a movie, but I might be expecting too much? That would be an ideal daily routine (the walk/jog and healthy dinner, plus doing something alone together), but I don't think he feels the same way.

 

Hannah- Just a bit of advice from someone that has been through it before, I would say ease up just bit on him. The harder you push, the more he will resist. That's how I was with my ex. I know this will be difficult for you, and he will have to make an effort too, but try to set small goals and don't expect perfection immediately. Reward him however you see fit when he at least makes an effort. You could give him one of those ASMR massages, to show your appreciation, when the children are in bed asleep.

 

Kalm- you sound just like I used to be. You work hard all day, come home and probably want to just relax. But keep in mind that Hannah's had her hands full all day with the children, and she's had a hard day too. If you could start small with goal of let say, making that walk around the neighborhood, that would buy you a bunch of goodwill with her.

[HannahRose]

Hannah- Just a bit of advice from someone that has been through it before, I would say ease up just bit on him. The harder you push, the more he will resist. That's how I was with my ex. I know this will be difficult for you, and he will have to make an effort too, but try to set small goals and don't expect perfection immediately. Reward him however you see fit when he at least makes an effort. You could give him one of those ASMR massages, to show your appreciation, when the children are in bed asleep.

 

Kalm- you sound just like I used to be. You work hard all day, come home and probably want to just relax. But keep in mind that Hannah's had her hands full all day with the children, and she's had a hard day too. If you could start small with goal of let say, making that walk around the neighborhood, that would buy you a bunch of goodwill with her.

 

All I'm seeing now is a wife that looks like a freaking puppy dog, drooling all over her husband to spend time with her... then him agreeing (so he doesn't look bad), but not really wanting to.

 

I think you caught on to that. Now I feel like an idiot.

[KalmOne]

That does?? So we are doing that daily?

 

We can figure something out.

[HannahRose]

We can figure something out.

 

No, just forget it.

[HannahRose]

Hannah- Just a bit of advice from someone that has been through it before, I would say ease up just bit on him. The harder you push, the more he will resist. That's how I was with my ex. I know this will be difficult for you, and he will have to make an effort too, but try to set small goals and don't expect perfection immediately. Reward him however you see fit when he at least makes an effort. You could give him one of those ASMR massages, to show your appreciation, when the children are in bed asleep.

 

Kalm- you sound just like I used to be. You work hard all day, come home and probably want to just relax. But keep in mind that Hannah's had her hands full all day with the children, and she's had a hard day too. If you could start small with goal of let say, making that walk around the neighborhood, that would buy you a bunch of goodwill with her.

 

I thought about that some more. If me wanting to spend time with him every day is too much for this man, then I'm not interested. He used to WANT to, but he's just like every other typical douche bag that gets tired of the old ball and chain after awhile and has to be begged for attention. I'm not applauding tiny efforts when I know what he used to do when he was actually interested in the marriage.

 

I seriously misread what he said, earlier... I thought he was responding to me when he said it sounded like a plan and he PM'd me on fb saying he isn't doing some daily stuff. I feel like a complete idiot.

 

Thanks for all of your help, though.

[xxoo]

All I'm seeing now is a wife that looks like a freaking puppy dog, drooling all over her husband to spend time with her... then him agreeing (so he doesn't look bad), but not really wanting to.

 

I think you caught on to that. Now I feel like an idiot.

 

Hannah, men who feel rejected lose the desire to spend that time and give emotional attention.

 

Remember how you said that he hurts you when he calls you names or sleeps on the couch? It hurts him similarly when you don't have sex with him.

 

Similarly, the way you don't particularly want to have sex is how he doesn't want to particularly sit and hold hands and chat. It's two sides of the same coin.

 

The solution is: far more hand holding, chatting, AND sex. Everyone gets to feel loved. Win/win. Yes, it takes both of you deciding to give without necessarily receiving.

[HannahRose]

Hannah, men who feel rejected lose the desire to spend that time and give emotional attention.

 

Remember how you said that he hurts you when he calls you names or sleeps on the couch? It hurts him similarly when you don't have sex with him.

 

Similarly, the way you don't particularly want to have sex is how he doesn't want to particularly sit and hold hands and chat. It's two sides of the same coin.

 

The solution is: far more hand holding, chatting, AND sex. Everyone gets to feel loved. Win/win. Yes, it takes both of you deciding to give without necessarily receiving.

 

He doesn't really want to. He just asks everyday or so until I finally do it one time. Then he's good for a couple of months, and is content on the couch. He wants to sleep on the couch. He says it's more comfortable, etc. I'm just tired of all of this nonsense. That's why I keep giving up.

 

I don't feel like he is being honest on here. He's just worried about looking like the bad guy, while I'm "keeping it real" and being honest about how I feel... I'm not hiding my bad side like he is.

[Keenly]

No, just forget it.

 

You just took four steps backwards..

[HannahRose]

You just took four steps backwards..

 

Yup, and I'm going to keep on going. This is just embarrassing and stupid now.

[HannahRose]

We can figure something out.

 

This is his nice way of saying "no, we really aren't doing anything," and now it just feels all forced and dumb if he does "have" to spend time with me.

Edited July 23, 2015 by HannahRose

[KalmOne]

This is his nice way of saying "no, we really aren't doing anything," and now it just feels all forced and dumb if he does "have" to spend time with me.

 

I am more than happy to spend time. Just because my ideal daily routine may differ from yours doesn't mean we can't figure something out.

[HannahRose]

I am more than happy to spend time. Just because my ideal daily routine may differ from yours doesn't mean we can't figure something out.

 

[xxoo]

I am more than happy to spend time. Just because my ideal daily routine may differ from yours doesn't mean we can't figure something out.

 

Change it.

 

Priorities!

[HannahRose]

Change it.

 

Priorities!

 

I don't think he's going to change a thing. He was 55 minutes late getting home from work (so he got home about two hours after work let out). Of course. Then, he played his typical mind games, so I thought he wasn't going to go exercise with me so I went on my own with the baby. Then, he supposedly tried to follow me, but never caught up. He has had an attitude several times, and went off on me for asking him to change the baby's diaper. This guy just WILL. NOT. CHANGE.

[HannahRose]

I also just noticed he did something to "stick it to me" this morning. Everyone knows about my raw meat issues. Last night, after dinner I decided not to remind him to take out the trash with the raw meat packaging (styrofoam and plastic wrap, etc) since apparently that is nagging like his mother. So, I did my part and just trusted him to take care of it (the kids had already taken out the rest of the trash and it was dark, so I wasn't sending them back out). Anyway, he just left it hanging out of the trash, practically touching the floor and it's still like that this morning. Our toddler could reach over the gate and grab it if he wanted to, so now it is my responsibility. This is the kind of crap he does on a regular basis. If I tell him to do it, I'm a nag... he says he isn't an idiot and knows what he has to do without me telling him. When I don't tell him, this is what happens. If I hadn't noticed in time, the toddler would have gotten to it and I would have had an extra bath to give.

 

I honestly can't stand being married to him. I actually hate him.

[autumnnight]

I honestly can't stand being married to him. I actually hate him.

 

I find it interesting that you say your faith prevents you from divorcing, but somehow THIS is okay.....

[HannahRose]

I find it interesting that you say your faith prevents you from divorcing, but somehow THIS is okay.....

 

I know it's wrong to feel that way. I'm trying not to, but it's one thing after another. 24 hours a day of mind games and nonsense. I can't deal with it.

Edited July 24, 2015 by HannahRose

[Keenly]

Sorry to say, but I think your attitude and your stubbornness as well as your own lack of desire to try, change, or improve your marriage at all is what's causing a lot of your problems.

 

 

I don't really see you doing one single thing to help, you just keep blaming him for this and blaming him for that. No wonder this guy gave up, he can't do anything right in your eyes, so what's the point?

[HannahRose]

Sorry to say, but I think your attitude and your stubbornness as well as your own lack of desire to try, change, or improve your marriage at all is what's causing a lot of your problems.

 

 

I don't really see you doing one single thing to help, you just keep blaming him for this and blaming him for that. No wonder this guy gave up, he can't do anything right in your eyes, so what's the point?

 

Typical guys sticking together mentality??

 

I let go of my anger (as suggested) before he got home from work yesterday, got myself and the baby ready to go exercise, and sat on the couch, happily waiting for him. The clock ticked on by and he didn't show up. Then, he got home and played mind games with me, so I just went on my own. Then he made it clear he didn't want to hold the baby so I could shower. Then yelled at me for asking for help with diapers and left the trash all over the floor where the toddler could get it if I hadn't noticed.

 

This is all after I take care of five kids 24 hours a day, wake up all night long to feed the baby, laundry, cleaning, etc. And you don't see the problem here? It's my bad attitude? REALLY?

 

What did he do right that I should give him credit for?

[Keenly]

Typical guys sticking together mentality??

 

I let go of my anger (as suggested) before he got home from work yesterday, got myself and the baby ready to go exercise, and sat on the couch, happily waiting for him. The clock ticked on by and he didn't show up. Then, he got home and played mind games with me, so I just went on my own. Then he made it clear he didn't want to hold the baby so I could shower. Then yelled at me for asking for help with diapers and left the trash all over the floor where the toddler could get it if I hadn't noticed.

 

This is all after I take care of five kids 24 hours a day, wake up all night long to feed the baby, laundry, cleaning, etc. And you don't see the problem here? It's my bad attitude? REALLY?

 

What did he do right that I should give him credit for?

Where exactly did you put in any effort to make this situation better? I don't see that you did anything except expect him to come straight home, you expected him to do this and to do that while you went off and did whatever.

 

 

Where was your effort? Did you go out of your way to do anything that you wouldn't normally do? Or did you sit back.and wait for him to do something and then got mad when he didn't?

 

You can only control yourself so you need to take steps to improve the marriage and then hope he responds in kind. You cant just do nothing and expect all the changes you want to come from him and his side of the situation. YOU need to do things too.

[KalmOne]

I honestly didn't think I would be back on here today but here we go.

 

I was late home because the HOV/Carpool lane is closed for my route home which has caused my commute to be irregularly long. On top of that there was an accident on the highway and an accident on the bridge. I also went to the store to by food to cook for diner.

 

I got home and of course my wife was mad at me. I told her what had happened and she accused me of doing it on purpose so I wouldn't have to walk with her. I promptly began preparing diner and she said let's go now before the mosquitoes come out. I said ok. I finished up what i was doing and she said she wanted to run to a park that in my opinion is a good distance away. I told her I did not want to run or go that far as a still got ready. She got a single baby stroller out of my car and put the youngest in it when I exited out house she said see you in 30 minutes and I said more like 10 thinking she wasn't going that far and I could catch up to her. Needless to say I took a long walk by myself.

 

The whole angry at changing diapers thing is true. I stayed up late with my two year old and I was really tired and cranky. I already apologized for that.

(by the way I was so tired yesterday I fell asleep driving...again. for some reason that seems to be really easy for me to do)

 

 

The whole leaving meat in a bag thing is nuts. I didn't do that on purpose. I clean the kitchen at night and threw away the meat bag...I had to ill intentions what so ever.

 

That is what happened last night and why she is angry...

[HannahRose]

Where exactly did you put in any effort to make this situation better? I don't see that you did anything except expect him to come straight home, you expected him to do this and to do that while you went off and did whatever.

 

 

Where was your effort? Did you go out of your way to do anything that you wouldn't normally do? Or did you sit back.and wait for him to do something and then got mad when he didn't?

 

You can only control yourself so you need to take steps to improve the marriage and then hope he responds in kind. You cant just do nothing and expect all the changes you want to come from him and his side of the situation. YOU need to do things too.

 

Effort?? I see you have a baby in your avatar... you do realize how much work it is to care for a newborn baby, right? It's a feat just to get dressed for the day when you have a baby, not to mention four other kids! I've probably put more effort and energy into my day within the last hour than you will out into your entire day, and that is not an insult.

 

I did a serious attitude adjustment yesterday before he got home and sat and fed the baby until he was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey so when my "DH" got home, the baby would be content to be put in the carseat so we could go... then he didn't even show up on time. It took forever to get us dressed, I made sure the house was presentable before he got home. I do a lot here that I don't get credit for. I don't even think most women are up for exercising at this point after having a baby. I've been up and running since literally right after getting home from the hospital, deep cleaning bathrooms and tubs, mopping floors... the strenuous cleaning you are really supposed to wait to do, but I don't have the luxury of not doing right away. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I was doing much more than expected right away. I am 100% putting effort into our family and I see I can't get any acknowledgement.

[HannahRose]

I honestly didn't think I would be back on here today but here we go.

 

I was late home because the HOV/Carpool lane is closed for my route home which has caused my commute to be irregularly long. On top of that there was an accident on the highway and an accident on the bridge. I also went to the store to by food to cook for diner.

 

I got home and of course my wife was mad at me. I told her what had happened and she accused me of doing it on purpose so I wouldn't have to walk with her. I promptly began preparing diner and she said let's go now before the mosquitoes come out. I said ok. I finished up what i was doing and she said she wanted to run to a park that in my opinion is a good distance away. I told her I did not want to run or go that far as a still got ready. She got a single baby stroller out of my car and put the youngest in it when I exited out house she said see you in 30 minutes and I said more like 10 thinking she wasn't going that far and I could catch up to her. Needless to say I took a long walk by myself.

 

The whole angry at changing diapers thing is true. I stayed up late with my two year old and I was really tired and cranky. I already apologized for that.

(by the way I was so tired yesterday I fell asleep driving...again. for some reason that seems to be really easy for me to do)

 

 

The whole leaving meat in a bag thing is nuts. I didn't do that on purpose. I clean the kitchen at night and threw away the meat bag...I had to ill intentions what so ever.

 

That is what happened last night and why she is angry...

 

Okay, internet stalker... that is not what happened when you got home, but I'm too darn tired to dispute it at this point. You were playing mind games and you made me think you weren't going. You want to lie, fine... go ahead. I'm not worried about it.

 

I know how poorly you treat me. You call me a nigger on a regular basis (and talk about my ugly skin), so if that is any sort of clue, well I'm sure everyone on here can figure it out.

Edited July 24, 2015 by HannahRose

[HannahRose]

I'm done here.

[autumnnight]

Typical guys sticking together mentality??

 

I let go of my anger (as suggested) before he got home from work yesterday, got myself and the baby ready to go exercise, and sat on the couch, happily waiting for him. The clock ticked on by and he didn't show up. Then, he got home and played mind games with me, so I just went on my own. Then he made it clear he didn't want to hold the baby so I could shower. Then yelled at me for asking for help with diapers and left the trash all over the floor where the toddler could get it if I hadn't noticed.

 

This is all after I take care of five kids 24 hours a day, wake up all night long to feed the baby, laundry, cleaning, etc. And you don't see the problem here? It's my bad attitude? REALLY?

 

What did he do right that I should give him credit for?

 

Letting go of anger for a few hours until the next time he makes you mad isn't letting go of anger.

 

Have you ever read the parable of the unforgiving servant, where servant A owes the master this huge amount, and the Master forgives the entire debt, and then servant A turns around and has servant B imprisoned for not paying a piddly debt?

 

That is how you are acting.

 

The measure of your attitude and behavior is not in comparison to his. Your attitudes and behavior are all on YOU. How do you line up?