norudder Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 My ex is at home all day with our kids during the summer. He's living with family. We all lived together with his family a few years before we got our own home which we sold in divorce when he moved back. His neighbors are a family with 2 kids and we always got along. Kids back n forth in yards, cookouts together, games etc. Found out yesterday while they were out my 7&5 yr old used scissors to cut their basement screen window went inside and took a bunch of toys. I am beyond upset and embarrassed and concerned. It was the eldests idea. They both reluctantly admitted to it. They had to return toys apologize pay for screen and got grounded and of course a serious talking to. Where the heck was my ex while they were doing this? Inside of course. He said it's summer, they come in and out all the time. My thought is the youngest is 5, even in your own yard there should be eyes on her. If you aren't out there, you should check that some adult is. Even the neighbor said he's not sure maybe someone in exh's family watches from the window but they seem to be pretty free range lately. Which is fine for some, when the kids aren't free ranging into other peoples homes. If they were older they'd be in juvie! I don't know if I need to put them in day care or what. Link to post Share on other sites
MM1234 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 After this incident, I would put the kids in daycare. It's obvious that dad isn't paying much attention to them, if he did this situation wouldn't have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Perhaps things are different today and children are under more direct and consistent scrutiny, IDK. Back when I and my fellow oldsters were growing up and, later, raising our own families, kids generally aligned with your description of the neighbors who were broken into. Kids roaming, within limits, pretty freely and without direct and constant supervision. The children apparently ran into the concrete wall of parental boundaries due to their actions and were disciplined appropriately. Hopefully, given their ages, they formed an emotional memory of the experience and will carry that forward. Hard to know. Usually the learning of right from wrong takes awhile and is different for everyone. As a point of comparison, when we were the oldest child's age, we'd often go play in the field beyond where the houses were built (edge of town) and play between the runways of the local airport on the farm equipment parked there. One day, a friend and I got the idea to go hitchhiking and did, ending up about 50 miles away, then hitchhiked back. You can imagine what resulted from that. Were our parents or others in the neighorhood lax in their parenting? IMO, nope. We were two young and adventurous boys who were still in need of substantial parenting and boundaries. We got them. They taught important life lessons, ones not possible if a parent was micro-managing our every move. Since I like to talk about the 'airbag generations', meaning people who grew up during the time of being 'protected' all the time, a seat belt when I was a kid was mom or dad's arm across my chest when they slammed on the brakes. No car seat, no seat belts, no shoulder harnesses, no air bags. Yep, some died. Others avoided that and learned from their bruises. Others learned how to avoid danger and wrongdoing through making non-fatal mistakes and paying the price for them. IMO, this event is a stepping stone along the path to the children becoming responsible adults. My bet is they will be. Most are. If your ex was the co-parent who meted out the consequences, kudos to him. Well done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Well we found out from a phone call while they were with me. I brought them over. My ex and I were both there to talk about it with them and talk with neighbor. They stayed night with me. They are with him today (grounded). Were still able to discipline together. I just have concerns of his overall parental involvement, activities/supervision etc. Maybe I'm a little overreacting but its just upsetting. I agree they got an imprint and parenting is one long marathon of teaching lessons. I remember cutting the hair of a friends doll once and that scolding was seared in my memory to never disrespect someone else's property again. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 How does a 7 & 5 year old pay for the ruined screen? Is the cost going to be withheld from their future allowances? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 The older kid, the instigator, should be on the hook for the screen, generally a very minimal cost to replace and, if not currently working, should be assigned chores for an allowance. IIRC, by that age I was working for 25 cents a week, of course back in the mid 1960's. Biggest screw-up at that age? Putting a golf ball through a neighbor's window. Yup, had to pay for it. Sweating pulling weeds to pay for a stupid moment of fun or mischief is a great way to learn life lessons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Helium78 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Sounds like the children were bored and looking for their own entertainment. Personally, I'd ask them what they'd like to do. If they understand that what they did was very wrong and feel remorse, but also help them to understand the reason they did it, they will probably choose to go into day care to avoid getting into that sort of trouble again. I raised two, very boisterous boys, who are now 20 and 21 and still causing me stress (does it every end?! Lol!) and they got into their fair share of trouble when they were younger. I'd regularly be marching them around to neighbours houses to get them to apologise in person and come up with a plan themselves of how to fix the situation. I think the most important thing is to help them take responsibility. Get them to think of ideas of how to make it better and help them understand why they did it in the first place. As for the level of supervision when they're with your ex... I'd be having words. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 My ex is at home all day with our kids during the summer. He's living with family. We all lived together with his family a few years before we got our own home which we sold in divorce when he moved back. His neighbors are a family with 2 kids and we always got along. Kids back n forth in yards, cookouts together, games etc. Found out yesterday while they were out my 7&5 yr old used scissors to cut their basement screen window went inside and took a bunch of toys. I am beyond upset and embarrassed and concerned. It was the eldests idea. They both reluctantly admitted to it. They had to return toys apologize pay for screen and got grounded and of course a serious talking to. Where the heck was my ex while they were doing this? Inside of course. He said it's summer, they come in and out all the time. My thought is the youngest is 5, even in your own yard there should be eyes on her. If you aren't out there, you should check that some adult is. Even the neighbor said he's not sure maybe someone in exh's family watches from the window but they seem to be pretty free range lately. Which is fine for some, when the kids aren't free ranging into other peoples homes. If they were older they'd be in juvie! I don't know if I need to put them in day care or what. You and the ex need to sit down, with a mediator if necessary, and get on the same page. Those kids need to lose ALL their electronics and toys for a month. If it happens again, YOU need to call the police and let them scare the crap out of them. This is how it starts. You have to nip it. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I'd be such a bad parent. I'd build them a mini jail & make the kids serve some time. Have them spend their free time in their cell wearing an ill fitting heavily starched uniform. Have a small TV sitting beyond reach of the cell & turned onto some annoying station or DVD. Feed them lukewarm food they don't like & have an uncomfortable bed to sleep in. Let them out for 1 hour a day to bathe & exercise. They could even have a 1/2 hour visit from their friends. I doubt social workers would approve though. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 ^ which is a pity. I bet some of them secretly would approve, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Iron Bubba Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 They should get one mon th of actual jail time. No, I'm not joking. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 They need supervision. This is where we get expressions like "idle hands are the devil's workshop" and "enough rope to hang oneself". They need to earn trust and freedom. I don't agree with longterm grounding at these ages. It's not developmentally appropriate. But I wouldn't give them unsupervised freedom anymore. Of course, your ex needs to come to his own conclusions, but that would be my position. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 When I was that age I had a fascination with fire... my Mom called the fire chief on me and they visited me in a fire engine, sat me down and had a talk with me.. solved... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I did terribly naughty things as a child. Removing copper piping from various places with mates to sell on to merchants yards for a tidy sum. A pastime that still goes on today but now carried out by organised criminal gangs. My kiddies have broken a few windows. Some stolen fruit from the neighbours annoying apple tree..... no criminal record yet......... Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I did terribly naughty things as a child. Removing copper piping from various places with mates to sell on to merchants yards for a tidy sum. A pastime that still goes on today but now carried out by organised criminal gangs. My kiddies have broken a few windows. Some stolen fruit from the neighbours annoying apple tree..... no criminal record yet......... So, now I know why there's an iron gate around the doors to the Salford Lad's Club, it was you & your gang Nicking bits of copper from an abandoned blighted building soon to be demolished is not the same as damaging someone's house. Does the UK still have a ton of boarded up buildings & squatters? I miss what the Clash would have done had they stayed together. Link to post Share on other sites
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