I've been told I'm an "intense person" recently.

[Biscous]

What does that mean?

 

I had an older friend tell me and this was in regards to dating. He says I can be intense at times, but that is partly due to my level of success in life and wanting to accomplish things. Constantly pushing myself.

 

I have been told by gfs because that I can come off as intimidating. I made a thread about this before lol...tall athletic black guy with a shaved head lol. I work as an engineer in my daytime (IT/Web Hosting) and in my spare time I lift weights and am currently training for an MMA fight. Working hard on my finances and that's going great also.

 

I think maybe I give off this air that I'm above certain stuff BUT that isn't really me! I just have high standards for myself and I think that throws people off.

 

How can I tone it down a bit. Thoughts guys and ladies?

[StalwartMind]

Having a forceful personality or displaying confidence can "intimidate" people, especially if you present your views or attitude in such ways that they simply aren't used to hearing. I know I can do that myself at times, I don't think of it as a negative trait though, because people that are used to me know that I'm a gentle person, but I can still surprise with things said at times.

 

Success can also bring envy from others, this in itself isn't new, but it can also lead to people misunderstanding you at times. We all have different comfort zones and levels, at times there is literally nothing you can do, as people will perceive you whatever way they have their mind set to. I don't really have any direct suggestion in regards to what you can do, but I do feel trying to learn other people's perspective can be beneficial.

 

If you otherwise treat people with respect, kindness then in most cases the problem actually lies with other people and their own insecurities and views. Some people are impossible to communicate with or please, I can't tell you what is the case for you, but listening to others and making them feel comfortable is never a bad thing either. It can come off as intense if you express dislike of something in a strong way, especially if said person perhaps like what you dislike, it can feel unsettling.

 

Either way, it's a bit of a balance to try "please" everyone, but if you rock communication and try to pay attention to others feelings, needs then you can't go completely wrong.

[SycamoreCircle]

I think we're different things to different people. Some of the guys you spar with down at the gym probably don't find you "intense."

 

I believe we do live in a time and culture where excellence and pushing oneself to be the best are mistakenly interchangeable with health and happiness.

 

My advice would be to cultivate your idleness. Realize that NOT doing something is a form of excellence and is a great challenge to you. NOT speaking, NOT asserting yourself, NOT objecting, NOT producing something.

 

Listen, receive, read, observe, reflect. Such things will deepen your personality and give you new insight.

[SammySammy]

I don't think you should tone it down.

 

I've been told the same for years. I'm intense. I'm passionate. I now embrace it as an essential part of who I am.

 

Others can look at you and see the success it has brought you. Yet, they suggest you should change? No.

 

I've found when I try to change that part of myself - especially for a woman - I end up miserable. Usually with a woman who is not suitable for me or compatible with me in the first place. So, we're both miserable.

 

Life is meant to be lived with passion. Most successful people do so. You've got to face the fact that you are not meant to be average, mediocre, lukewarm or milquetoast like most people. Don't try to fit in with them because you are not them.

 

Don't worry about finding the right woman. She'll come. A male lion needs a lioness. You know? They don't go around pretending to be something else in order to attract a mate or to make others feel better.

 

Live life with passion. With intensity. That's what God intended. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yeah, I hear the word "intense" being thrown about too much. One time I showed a video clip that's a comedic spoof of an airplane disaster situation. It got good laughs by a lot of people.

 

But for some reason, whether it was meant to be a spoof or not, found it "intense."

 

She was kind of those "New agie" types that found a lot of things "intense".

 

 

 

What does that mean?

 

I had an older friend tell me and this was in regards to dating. He says I can be intense at times, but that is partly due to my level of success in life and wanting to accomplish things. Constantly pushing myself.

 

I have been told by gfs because that I can come off as intimidating. I made a thread about this before lol...tall athletic black guy with a shaved head lol. I work as an engineer in my daytime (IT/Web Hosting) and in my spare time I lift weights and am currently training for an MMA fight. Working hard on my finances and that's going great also.

 

I think maybe I give off this air that I'm above certain stuff BUT that isn't really me! I just have high standards for myself and I think that throws people off.

 

How can I tone it down a bit. Thoughts guys and ladies?

[d0nnivain]

There is a time & place for everything. I too am an intense person. In a dating situation I tried to speak more slowly & in a softer voice. I remembered to avert my gaze once in a while to avoid intent eye contact which many people can't handle. I also learned to have a polite small talk conversation about trivial subjects rather than jumping into the deep end of the pool to discuss politics, economics, religion, current events etc.

[Biscous]

Thanks guys. I know it can alienate people.

 

As a whole I am kind to people and loving. I know my ex gf (kinda ex) loves me but she said that I can be extremely critical of others and at times I can come off as judgmental or better than someone else.

 

With her she has complained to me in the past about why I have to spend so much time training. I do feel like I didn't find a balance with us and my personal goals and ambitions. I still think what she wants is worthwhile but part of me has to reach my own goals and that's only something I can give myself really. I know I'm not selfish but as mentioned a lion needs a lioness and I cannot burn my intensity.

 

Really she knows me and she knows at heart that I am hard on myself as a person and I am loving.

 

I just hate when people see me and think that I am some hard ass or not down to earth and that is true.

 

One of my guy friends said I can intimidate people because of how smart I am. I do push myself.

 

I guess time and place is appropriate. I have had my best conversations and experiences when they have been organic.

 

Oh and I am going to spar today and get punched a bit lol.