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solostand

By solostand,
in The Other Man / Woman

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solostand

solostand

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Haven't posted in awhile since my disastrous suicide attempt and then broken NC with former MM.

 

I just want to say that I think I have finally come to my senses. Finally put exMM in the past - where he will stay. I think of him less and less, and when I do, I put up a big STOP sign in my brain when his name comes into it. I have decided, finally, to move on, and as each day passes, the whole thing blends further into the past.

 

I regret a lot of things I did during my crazy period - particularly engaging with his BW and grown daughter. I swear on my mothers grave I will never engage with ANY of them again. I had the strongest desire to tell his wife everything - now I don't want to and don't care. I want to leave their marriage alone.

 

I have stopped drinking, my mental health is feeling very stable, and I am exceeding at my new job. My only challenge now is to find new friends and new things to do. I believe that's one of the reasons I was wallowing and struggling so badly before - loneliness. It isn't easy to move to a new town knowing no one. I've been reading alot, which I haven't done for awhile and really enjoy.

 

I did hear through the grapevine that ex-MM was in a pretty bad car accident. Somehow, that helped with closure (he's okay). In the past, he would have called me from the ambulance if he could have, and I would have been sneaking into the hospital to visit him. Now, it's just news from afar of an old acquaintance. I pictured his wife at his side, nursing him through his injuries, and realized that I had no place in that family - no place at all, and never did.

 

It made me think of him dying (he is 66) and how I can even handle that too, when it happens.

 

When I do get melancholy, as I sometimes do, I remember past loves, how I thought I could never go on without them, and how they became but a distant memory.

 

So overall things are looking up.

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ladydesigner

ladydesigner

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You sound like you are doing great and are on a healthy path!;) I think this is a wonderful update!

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Glad to hear you're in a healthier place and moving on.

 

IF you ever feel the need to contact him (or anybody else from his family) for whatever reason, come here and vent so we can talk you out of it.

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OldRover

OldRover

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Haven't posted in awhile since my disastrous suicide attempt and then broken NC with former MM.

 

I just want to say that I think I have finally come to my senses. Finally put exMM in the past - where he will stay. I think of him less and less, and when I do, I put up a big STOP sign in my brain when his name comes into it. I have decided, finally, to move on, and as each day passes, the whole thing blends further into the past.

 

I regret a lot of things I did during my crazy period - particularly engaging with his BW and grown daughter. I swear on my mothers grave I will never engage with ANY of them again. I had the strongest desire to tell his wife everything - now I don't want to and don't care. I want to leave their marriage alone.

 

I have stopped drinking, my mental health is feeling very stable, and I am exceeding at my new job. My only challenge now is to find new friends and new things to do. I believe that's one of the reasons I was wallowing and struggling so badly before - loneliness. It isn't easy to move to a new town knowing no one. I've been reading alot, which I haven't done for awhile and really enjoy.

 

I did hear through the grapevine that ex-MM was in a pretty bad car accident. Somehow, that helped with closure (he's okay). In the past, he would have called me from the ambulance if he could have, and I would have been sneaking into the hospital to visit him. Now, it's just news from afar of an old acquaintance. I pictured his wife at his side, nursing him through his injuries, and realized that I had no place in that family - no place at all, and never did.

 

It made me think of him dying (he is 66) and how I can even handle that too, when it happens.

 

When I do get melancholy, as I sometimes do, I remember past loves, how I thought I could never go on without them, and how they became but a distant memory.

 

So overall things are looking up.

 

GOOD FOR YOU, and I'm sure everyone here is for you. It's sure nice to hear some success stories and situations that improve people and give them a better life. Keep us posted.

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still_an_Angel

still_an_Angel

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I'm glad you're free of BS and the daughter. They were toxic!

You're on your way Solo, keep going! I truly hope you come across "the one" for you out there.

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Artie Lang

Artie Lang

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if you stay the course and avoid the drama you'll make it OP... you see that now- DO NOT ENGAGE IN THE CRAZINESS.

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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if you stay the course and avoid the drama you'll make it OP... you see that now- DO NOT ENGAGE IN THE CRAZINESS.

 

NO CRAZINESS OR DRAMA... REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT.

 

Poppy.

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Friskyone4u

Friskyone4u

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You hit it right on the head!!!

 

When you are the "mistress" you cut off all others to some extent, you in many cases do not date, you sit and wait for the chances to be with AP, and the rest of your life is just there with no purpose.

 

Then it ends and who would not be lonely, and then here comes the helpless feeling and need to break NC.

 

Hopefully, recognizing that you need to not sit there and "grieve" wil;l help you.

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solostand

solostand

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A lot of it had to do with a conscious decision I made to take my pride and self-respect back. I had lost both at the end, and with the insanity of dealing with the BW and daughter, I was falling fast.

 

I mean, what kind of grown woman gets into a text fight with her ex-lover's daughter? I can understand now the daughter was only protecting her mother - there is no excuse for me. I hurt her with words I said - and I hurt the BW with words I said. Even though I didn't tell her everything, I told her enough. Typically, he didn't tell her anything and as far as I know the only information she has on the facts of the affair she got from me.

 

I really really wanted to "win". Win what? You may ask. I also now ask myself that too. I wanted to prove that I mattered to him - that he loved me. All I proved was that I was a crazy other woman, lol.

 

Now I don't care. I'm walking away with my head held as high as it can be, putting the past in the past and leaving it there!

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solostand

solostand

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Some dark humour. Was talking to ex husband last night on the phone and mentioned that I'd heard ex-mm was in a car accident.

 

He said: "Bet his wife is glad you weren't there giving him blowjobs in the hospital."

 

I couldn't help but laugh but its probably true! Brought me back for a moment to the crazy days of that affair when I was, in fact, doing insane things like that.

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Hope Shimmers

Hope Shimmers

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Solostand, hang in there. I'm so glad to read this.

 

We all do crazy things. High emotions in these situations - so forgive yourself.

 

I want to keep reading these great updates from you, because they fuel me too!

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