I know I'm not objective so needed

[Gus Grimly]

Yes, I know the fond memories, they have a way of picking at you day in and day out. I used to find all kinds of funny or interesting links, pics, websites etc. I would always send them to my Ex and we'd always have a great time laughing about them or it would open up an interesting topic for discussion.

 

I hate browsing the net now because I'm constantly finding something I know my Ex would love, and my knee-jerk reaction is to send her a message like I've done every day for years. It makes me a little sad and it does make me long for those days again. I've had to change my habits so now I don't surf the net anymore. I'm doing other stuff with my time, finding new things to do that don't remind me of my Ex. It's not easy and it can hurt, but I have to do it because what's the alternative? Wither away from the loss of love?

[aloneinaz]

My good days are slowly outweighing the bad.

 

 

 

This is great news. You have to push thru the bad days and NOT contact him nor spy on social media when you're feeling weak. You need to let the time passing help your emotions calm down and heal.

 

 

You know the deal. You have a big cut on your heart. Sending that letter, ripped the Band-Aid off and sets you back.

[HandsomeBoh]

I know its controversial, but doing things like this may not be a bad thing depending on the situation. For instance, my biggest issue was my chronic depression, which brought on an onslaught of complexes and negativity that made being around me a very draining chore. After the breakup, I sought help, then condensed everything I was doing and what I hoped to achieve into a long tear-filled telephone call to my ex. She didn't take me back, she didn't even hint that we could possibly get back, but you know what, it gave me the courage and determination to push through with the therapy and the results are pretty amazing. I would be lying if I said I didn't hope that when I've sorted out this terrible disease, I might have another chance; but I'm fully aware she may not give it, and hopefully by that time I would already be a much better and more attractive person.

 

I guess in certain situations we need that hard shove in the right direction. If your ex is a good person, there's a chance they may be willing to help, even if it means not taking you back. Just remember not to overwhelm them with platitudes of love and clinginess, because that is a slippery slope.

[casey.lives]

i like handwritten letters.

[Qboro90]

Bad move to send the letter but you already knew that. From your previous posts it's clear that this ex was incredibly mature in how he ended things with you. He gave the relationship every chance possible and even spent more time with you after telling you early on he didn't "feel the same love that he should" in order to see if those feelings would eventually materialize. You need to come to terms with the fact that you can't make someone love you or have feelings for you just because you have those feelings for them. There is NO point to being friends with this guy. That's just going to end terribly for you.

 

You already know that you were in love with him so being friends with him is just going to give you false hope that he is going to want to get back together with you. It's not going to happen. And from his point of view, what's the point of being friends with the clingy ex who couldn't get over and accept the breakup? He'd just be inviting more drama into his life. It's a no win situation.

 

Delete his number, block him on social media, face the truth and get past it.

[ExpatInItaly]

What's your plan from here on out, OP? Assuming he doesn't respond, which steps will you take to help you fully and truly move on?

 

I read your previous threads and it's clear you cared for him very much, and he wasn't a bad guy. But I have to wonder if you have some issues with abandonment. When he tried to break up with you during the relationship, you wouldn't let him - why? I have a feeling that you fear being alone and rejected (we all do, to an extent) and it overwhelms your judgement. You are taking his choice to break up with you as a measurement of your self-worth, when it shouldn't be.

 

But you really must stop trying to contact him. If you keep it up, you could find yourself on the receiving end of a strongly-worded message or phone call, which would make you feel worse. I know it's not easy. But you must try before it really backfires on you.

Edited August 15, 2015 by ExpatInItaly

[BriNyc82]

I was in a very similar situation to you. Nicest guy. Never treated me badly but unfortunately I was more invested than he was, which sounds like you were too. He's telling you he wants to Go No contact. Probably more for your benefit. Please don't send that email. He knows you miss him. You telling him all of that will not accomplish anything. He won't see it your way. You won't feel better. It will make you feel worse, even if he doesn't respond. I know sometimes their actions say a lot and make us feel one way. Sometimes guys are too nice to tell us how it really it is. They underestimate how far they have gotten. Keep your head up

 

I know it freaking hurts like hell. My advice is focus on you. I'm trying to do the same. It's hard. But necessary.

[catlady11]

I just read this and it hit really close to home. "When the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go...let go." It made me realize I'm still at the point of holding on. I can't let go of the texts/pics/emails/voicemails/etc of my ex or the "what-if" scenarios. My heart hasn't caught up to my head yet.

[Waynester]

I know exactly what you mean, it's the hardest step of all..finally letting go.

Op I don't know how long you have been separated, and many people may say throw this stuff away immediately..but as I said, I know from personal experience how hard that actually is.

 

You will do it when you are ready, and you will know when this moment arrives.

Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty because you are still holding on, we are all different, and do things at different rates. I really do believe that a love lost is so similar to a bereavement. We lose people we love, the emotions are the same.

 

It won't always be like this, your heart will catch up. Until then, I wish you well.

[catlady11]

I found out that my ex's mom has an emergency situation going on-there's fires in the region and there are evacuations going on. I met his mom over Easter and she really liked me and I really liked her. She's awesome.

 

I want to text my ex and let him know that I hope she's ok. I know he must be worried sick. I know, I know, it's his life and I'm not a part of it. Yes, I guess I'm trying to justify why I should contact him. But I can't help that I still care. For a recap: he was good to me, we just weren't on the same page emotionally.

 

Maybe just a message that says "hope your mom is doing ok. Thinking about her. No need to text back. Hoping for the best."

 

So yes or no?

[bluefeather]

For a recap: he was good to me, we just weren't on the same page emotionally.

 

That's pretty much ZERO information on your relationship. I can't give any input based on that.

[dyna85]

Hey catlady, don't do it. You deserve someone who loves you. You need to come to this understanding. In this relationship, your love for him was not reciprocated and that is not fair to you.

 

You are right that his mom's situation is his life which you are no longer a part of, so let go of the thoughts that keep pulling at you to reconnect. As darkbloom said, you can't manipulate someone into loving you. He's let you go, so you need to turn your back and disregard the thoughts that want you to sabotage your healing by contacting him. Contacting him is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. The relationship is over and it's time to move on and that involves not contacting him. I know this is a harsh truth, but you can do this. You have to set your mind to getting past this. You can do it. You must realize your worth. You deserve someone who values you as you do him.

 

Just keep it moving and push aside the urge to contact him. You're going to experience urges from time to time but they will pass.

[catlady11]

This is so hard. I'm asking myself what my motivation is; I DO want to reconnect so badly. I want him to get my message and think about how good I was to him and reach out to me. I keep thinking it could happen and I can't get it out of my head What's compounding things is it's friday night and that's one of the hardest days for me to get through since we'd spend it together.

[lana-banana]

It can't happen. I have no doubt you were an amazing girlfriend and he cared for you, but he simply never fell in love. He was never attached enough to miss you deeply. He doesn't need you and you definitely don't need need the pain of being rejected again when he doesn't respond the way you want. You should focus on your own healing.

 

It was not healthy for either of you to stay in that relationship---you both deserve partners who fulfill you completely. You should have let him go the first time he suggested it. Remember for the future that you can't make anyone fall in love. If a guy isn't genuinely in love early on, the proper (and dignified) thing is to let him go or else you risk drifting into a mildly pleasant, possibly years-long haze that ends with "I love you but I'm not in love with you".

[mightycpa]

This is so hard. I'm asking myself what my motivation is; I DO want to reconnect so badly. I want him to get my message and think about how good I was to him and reach out to me. I keep thinking it could happen and I can't get it out of my head What's compounding things is it's friday night and that's one of the hardest days for me to get through since we'd spend it together.

You can either decide to be a fond memory of his, or that psycho ex who couldn't get the message even if it was hand delivered to her.

 

I have both of those memories, and I'm much fonder of of the former one. I even have illusions it might have worked with her. But as lana-banana so wisely pointed out, I never had any real desire for that to have happened. You can't make it happen all by yourself. I feel like I've said that before to you. I feel like lots of people have.

[bluefeather]

That's pretty much ZERO information on your relationship. I can't give any input based on that.

 

woh, idk what happened but I didnt see any of the before posts.. super weird :/ I'm sorry!

 

Ok after reading more, it just seems like you should not be still trying to reach out, because he made his side known already.. Don't be so hard on yourself either!

Edited September 12, 2015 by bluefeather

[catlady11]

I did it. Last night I sent a short email telling him that I heard about the fire situation and evacuations and remembered that his mom and stepdad live in the vicinity and that I hoped they were safe and was thinking good thoughts for them. Kept it short and to the point. Twenty minutes later he emailed me back with an update on how the fires were affecting them, told me thank you for thinking about them and he would tell his mom what I said next time he spoke to her.

 

The whole tone of his reply was just so freaking nice and that hurt more than anything. Made me miss him more. I could have replied back but I didn't. That counts for something right? I'm doing ok, had a good cry over missing him.

 

I'm still hurting but it's not worse, just the same.