Ex texted after 3 months

[JayD]

Hello everyone!

 

My ex mailed me "im worrying about you the last days, something like a feeling..i just want to know if you are well.." at midnight.

I didnt respond ofc, she sended again similar the next day but i ignored her.

Before some time she demanded to leave her completely alone and not approach her again, she wanted me to disappear.

 

Thing is that i had my birthday in few days, she could just texted me then and asking how i was..

 

Well my birthday came and she smsed me "i just want to know if you are fine..please respond..even just a yes.."

 

I was like wtf? not even happy birthday? what is that ?

 

I did ignore that too..she wasnt really there for me even at our relationship so it seems so fake to worry about now.

 

Two days passed and she called me, not from her phone tho but from her office and ofc i ignored that too.

 

What the hell prolly wants ? Its so mixed contact.

 

What you people think ? I was doing well, now all this derailed me.

[Morphine]

Do you want to get back together with her? If yes, respond.

 

If not, ignore her completely.

 

I think she is trying to restart the contact with you to see if you will consider trying again with the relationship.

 

Out of curiosity, after the break up did you want this to happen? And how do you feel now about it? I am asking because I'd love to be in your situation, but only because I am fresh after the breakup.

[JayD]

Ofc i still love her mate, but she wasnt there for me when i wanted her.

How am i supposed to build a future with her ?

Both must be loving each other..so no..

 

What contact ? "i only want to know if you are well, just that...plus even tho she texted at my birthday, she didnt wrote Happy birthday nothing, just that "i only want to know if you are well, please respond just even a yes.."

It was my birthday, its a damn wish.

 

I just tryin to figure out what she tries to accomplish with those moves.

Well i did the first month..now i was doing ok and fked up my mood.

 

 

Do you want to get back together with her? If yes, respond.

 

If not, ignore her completely.

 

I think she is trying to restart the contact with you to see if you will consider trying again with the relationship.

 

Out of curiosity, after the break up did you want this to happen? And how do you feel now about it? I am asking because I'd love to be in your situation, but only because I am fresh after the breakup.

[Morphine]

Ofc i still love her mate, but she wasnt there for me when i wanted her.

How am i supposed to build a future with her ?

Both must be loving each other..so no..

 

People make mistakes. I am sure you can forgive her for whatever she did as you love her. BUT you both need time. What she is trying to do is to re-establish the contact with you. She is checking out the field. If she moved on, if she stopped caring or loving you, she would not write this. My ex would never write to me even if she would be missing me so much - just s stubborn bitch. So I think her writing to you means something more than just friendly gesture. BUT maybe she found out that the grass isn't greener afterall and she wants to have a back up...i.e. you.

 

It really depends what you want yourself. Do you want to get back together? I think you need more than few month to answer this question.

 

I was suggested by my ex that we may get back together etc etc, but I am her back up. She wants to try someone else...well, Never be a backup for anyone.

[JayD]

If she wanted to re-establish contact she wouldnt text such messages. She would have add some feeling or such. Plus she said really bad things about me that weren't true.

 

Anyway, i don't think she will send anything else. Hopefully she got my "answer".

 

If you believe you made a mistake you send somethings that contains regrets.

 

Mine was stubborn also and really selfish. A 100% daddy's girl.

 

People make mistakes. I am sure you can forgive her for whatever she did as you love her. BUT you both need time. What she is trying to do is to re-establish the contact with you. She is checking out the field. If she moved on, if she stopped caring or loving you, she would not write this. My ex would never write to me even if she would be missing me so much - just s stubborn bitch. So I think her writing to you means something more than just friendly gesture. BUT maybe she found out that the grass isn't greener afterall and she wants to have a back up...i.e. you.

 

It really depends what you want yourself. Do you want to get back together? I think you need more than few month to answer this question.

 

I was suggested by my ex that we may get back together etc etc, but I am her back up. She wants to try someone else...well, Never be a backup for anyone.

[Morphine]

Because she is stubborn, she is not going to admit to the mistakes. This is the first red flag that you should not get back together YET...she needs time to reflect on things.

 

She will not write to you I miss you. I made a mistake. I am sorry. Nope. Not gonna happen with these girls.

 

I am probably giving **** advices because I myself want to get back to my ex even though she has hurt me a lot (I think after few months I will want to stay away from her). But honestly, did you have a moment in your post-break up time where you were like "I don't need her, I don't want her, what was I thinking?" then perhaps you don't want her. I am yet to reach that stage....

 

Anyways, I'd ignore her. And just focus on yourself. Now it's time that she chases you. She needs to realise that she made a mistake. And she needs to correct these mistakes. But probably by that time you would have realised she isn't the one.

 

It ain't about romantic movies. This is about you being alpha. Don't be beta as I am at the moment...

[JayD]

She really fked up things,

 

She even told her parent to phone me to leave her alone.

And now she is texting me?

 

Damn, what the hell is wrong with this girl.

 

Because she is stubborn, she is not going to admit to the mistakes. This is the first red flag that you should not get back together YET...she needs time to reflect on things.

 

She will not write to you I miss you. I made a mistake. I am sorry. Nope. Not gonna happen with these girls.

 

I am probably giving **** advices because I myself want to get back to my ex even though she has hurt me a lot (I think after few months I will want to stay away from her). But honestly, did you have a moment in your post-break up time where you were like "I don't need her, I don't want her, what was I thinking?" then perhaps you don't want her. I am yet to reach that stage....

 

Anyways, I'd ignore her. And just focus on yourself. Now it's time that she chases you. She needs to realise that she made a mistake. And she needs to correct these mistakes. But probably by that time you would have realised she isn't the one.

 

It ain't about romantic movies. This is about you being alpha. Don't be beta as I am at the moment...

[Morphine]

How old are you guys? How long were you together for?

 

Girls are weird creatures. But I understood one thing - do not get back to the same river unless you both have made amends and did some thinking about the relationship and your life goals.

 

Life is too short to waste it on someone who does not love you back as much as you love her. But coming back together works more so than people care to admit. But this takes a lot of courage and work.

 

Until she writes you a letter apologising for what she has done, do not make any contact. Once she writes such letter and you would still consider getting back, take things slowly. Be friends, meet up in neutral places with other people and see how it goes.

 

This is what I would do anyway...but she has hurt me a lot...

[JayD]

I'm 32 she is 29.

 

She is acting like a little girl.

We both share mistakes, it's both fault but i did send her an apology for my mistakes the first month after the break up.

She just thanked me for the message ! didn't reply with an apology.

 

Anyway, i don't think she will try again to contact

 

How old are you guys? How long were you together for?

 

Girls are weird creatures. But I understood one thing - do not get back to the same river unless you both have made amends and did some thinking about the relationship and your life goals.

 

Life is too short to waste it on someone who does not love you back as much as you love her. But coming back together works more so than people care to admit. But this takes a lot of courage and work.

 

Until she writes you a letter apologising for what she has done, do not make any contact. Once she writes such letter and you would still consider getting back, take things slowly. Be friends, meet up in neutral places with other people and see how it goes.

 

This is what I would do anyway...but she has hurt me a lot...

[Morphine]

How long were you together?

 

My ex is 25, behaving like 18 (25 is new 18, GIGS, or perhaps genuine indifference towards our 7 year old relationship). Our relationship was great but it went down hill last 2 years. But she has not done anything about it, while I tried.

 

I think you are hoping for her to write another message. Well, all you can do is wait and see. Focus on yourself, do not think about her. Meet other girls. Block her number. If she wants to get back together she will find a way to communicate this with you.

 

Anyways, hold it there bro!

[JayD]

We were together for 2 years, we were to engage this month..irony !

Yes i do, i'm not gonna lie but in the other hand i hope she is not..all this brought me down.

 

Thats my thought...if she really wants me she is gonna try harder if not she just wants someone for back up.

 

Thank you mate, still tho i'm still wondering if that is just a simple gesture.

 

How long were you together?

 

My ex is 25, behaving like 18 (25 is new 18, GIGS, or perhaps genuine indifference towards our 7 year old relationship). Our relationship was great but it went down hill last 2 years. But she has not done anything about it, while I tried.

 

I think you are hoping for her to write another message. Well, all you can do is wait and see. Focus on yourself, do not think about her. Meet other girls. Block her number. If she wants to get back together she will find a way to communicate this with you.

 

Anyways, hold it there bro!

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't respond to that crap. It's completely self-serving. If she really wants you back, it's up to her to come correct. While I disagree with Morphine's advice in the beginning of this thread, his advice later on I can get on board with. Either ignore her until she makes a genuine attempt to communicate her intentions clearly or just block her if her breadcrumbs bother you.

 

It's definitely not your job to hold her hand. She broke the relationship, it's up to her to fix it. She doesn't get to use you as a crutch as she decides what she wants.

[Morphine]

I was with my ex for 7 years. I was going to propose to her last week during holidays in Majorca, where at the end I went alone. I know your pain.

 

I am my ex's back up. I too hope for her to msg me saying she made a mistake (so far this is what she said: "I am afraid that I made a mistake", "would you want to get back together in the future if I want to?", "do not talk about this with your sister as we may get back together" etc.). Clearly, if she really loved me, she would have stayed. But she just has me as a backup. And I am not anyone's back up. I wanted to fight for her. But on longer. I want her to fight for me. She knows I am still in love with her.

 

I could say: yes, this was just simple gesture, forget about her. But why would she say this? Did you go through some rough patch that she found out about and wanted to see if you are OK?

[Morphine]

Don't respond to that crap. It's completely self-serving. If she really wants you back, it's up to her to come correct. While I disagree with Morphine's advice in the beginning of this thread, his advice later on I can get on board with. Either ignore her until she makes a genuine attempt to communicate her intentions clearly or just block her if her breadcrumbs bother you.

 

It's definitely not your job to hold her hand. She broke the relationship, it's up to her to fix it. She doesn't get to use you as a crutch as she decides what she wants.

 

This. BUT do not wait for her to fix it. Do your thing. Focus on yourself.

 

It probably feels so good where you have fully moved on, look great, made plenty new friends, met few girls and then out of nowhere she writes to you she made a mistake bla bla bla bla. Then you have an upper hand over her! Isn't what we all want? That WE decide if you are going to be with someone or not. Most of the time people move on and do not even think of getting back together. This has happened to my sister: 2 years hoping to get back and then bam - she is so glad the dude dropped her.

[contel3]

So she texted you "I want to know you are doing well".

Sounds to me like she either feels guilty (thus wants you to reassure her you are fine so she can move on guilt free) or...she just wants an ego boost and wants to know you still care about her and are NOT doing fine.

[Simon Phoenix]

This. BUT do not wait for her to fix it. Do your thing. Focus on yourself.

 

It probably feels so good where you have fully moved on, look great, made plenty new friends, met few girls and then out of nowhere she writes to you she made a mistake bla bla bla bla. Then you have an upper hand over her! Isn't what we all want? That WE decide if you are going to be with someone or not. Most of the time people move on and do not even think of getting back together. This has happened to my sister: 2 years hoping to get back and then bam - she is so glad the dude dropped her.

 

Yeah, definitely don't wait around to fix it. Agreed. Keep moving forward -- it's up to her to catch up, it's not up to you to look back and wait around. It's not even about gaining the upper hand on her; it's about taking control of your life and making a positive out of a negative.

[JayD]

That is my first thought, just for self confirmation that i'm gonna run behind her like a good dog.

And i do stand my ground, if she really cares and wants to be back she will send a damn descent message not this fake crap.

Don't respond to that crap. It's completely self-serving. If she really wants you back, it's up to her to come correct. While I disagree with Morphine's advice in the beginning of this thread, his advice later on I can get on board with. Either ignore her until she makes a genuine attempt to communicate her intentions clearly or just block her if her breadcrumbs bother you.

 

It's definitely not your job to hold her hand. She broke the relationship, it's up to her to fix it. She doesn't get to use you as a crutch as she decides what she wants.

 

Well just loving isnt enought, especially if you are the only one loving.

 

I was with my ex for 7 years. I was going to propose to her last week during holidays in Majorca, where at the end I went alone. I know your pain.

 

I am my ex's back up. I too hope for her to msg me saying she made a mistake (so far this is what she said: "I am afraid that I made a mistake", "would you want to get back together in the future if I want to?", "do not talk about this with your sister as we may get back together" etc.). Clearly, if she really loved me, she would have stayed. But she just has me as a backup. And I am not anyone's back up. I wanted to fight for her. But on longer. I want her to fight for me. She knows I am still in love with her.

 

I could say: yes, this was just simple gesture, forget about her. But why would she say this? Did you go through some rough patch that she found out about and wanted to see if you are OK?

[Morphine]

So she texted you "I want to know you are doing well".

Sounds to me like she either feels guilty (thus wants you to reassure her you are fine so she can move on guilt free) or...she just wants an ego boost and wants to know you still care about her and are NOT doing fine.

 

Yea, but would she try so many times? She seems desperate.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yea, but would she try so many times? She seems desperate.

 

Searching for an ego boost to feel better. It's a pretty classic move. By ignoring, either she's going to drop it or up the ante. But that ante might not mean anything as far as reconciliation -- it usually doesn't.

[Morphine]

That is my first thought, just for self confirmation that i'm gonna run behind her like a good dog.

And i do stand my ground, if she really cares and wants to be back she will send a damn descent message not this fake crap.

 

Well just loving isnt enought, especially if you are the only one loving.

 

Yep. Do not run like a dog. Selfish and stubborn girls will never run after you - and do you want someone like this in your life? you want someone who deeply cares about you. And yes, Love is not enough. BUT some people do make mistakes. They think they do not love you, but after a while they know you are the one. There are plenty of stories of how getting back together works. But majority don't.

 

Do not respond. Ignore her. Even if she writes a message to you, you still need more time to think about the relationship. It is possible that you may not be in love with her, it might be just your ego talking....

[Morphine]

Searching for an ego boost to feel better. It's a pretty classic move. By ignoring, either she's going to drop it or up the ante. But that ante might not mean anything as far as reconciliation -- it usually doesn't.

 

Jesus, that is getting way too complicated. Girls.

[JayD]

Most prolly but the words she used is so manipulative. "Im thinking of you some days now, like a feeling."

She did send that in order to be sure that i will break and answer her.

Desprerate not at all, desperation requires more phone calls, spam with texting and such.

Altho to be fair she will never call easily. That to be honest suprised me.

So she texted you "I want to know you are doing well".

Sounds to me like she either feels guilty (thus wants you to reassure her you are fine so she can move on guilt free) or...she just wants an ego boost and wants to know you still care about her and are NOT doing fine.

[Simon Phoenix]

Jesus, that is getting way too complicated. Girls.

 

It's not just a girl thing, it's a dumper thing. Dudes do the same stuff. But yeah, that's why when you are in recovery you block or ignore anything that's not "I made a mistake and want you back" or something to that effect. Once you are recovered and have no real investment then it's up to you, but No Contact is a protective measure while you are vulnerable, along with a way to move forward in your life.

[Morphine]

It's not just a girl thing, it's a dumper thing. Dudes do the same stuff. But yeah, that's why when you are in recovery you block or ignore anything that's not "I made a mistake and want you back" or something to that effect. Once you are recovered and have no real investment then it's up to you, but No Contact is a protective measure while you are vulnerable, along with a way to move forward in your life.

 

Thank you. Yea, it is dumper thing. Being a dumpee sucks. I have slowly recovered when I was on holidays but then saw her, talked to her, she gave me more false hopes and I am back to square one.

[JayD]

Well lets wait and see her next move, if there will be.

In 5 days 3 messages and 1 phone call! Altho she did fked up my mood, i had an ego boost