Don't Talk 'Bout My Momma'

[SycamoreCircle]

My mom is a saint. That needs no qualifiers. Of course, you can't say something like that and leave it be. She was born in '38. She has been the most important person in my life. She grew up poor on a farm in Alabama. Her father, whom she loved mightily, died when she was 8. It's understood that he went on a hunting trip by himself and didn't return. Sometimes when she talks about how he brought her home a candy bar, she gets misty-eyed.

 

I believe that he was the greatest love of her life, apart from her children.

 

Anyway, while some children must reconcile their parent's life choices and those choices are ostensibly bad, I feel the need to reconcile my mom's good life choices. She is an ascetic. She wants nothing. Or she wants nothing frivolous and meaningless. She wants only happiness and peace for the people around her. I can't even get a shred of competition out of her in a game of Scrabble. I love her, immensely. She has abjured everything.

 

Ask her if she wants an extra helping. "Oh no, you take it."

 

Ask her if she wants you to come home for a visit. "Well, I don't want to put you out."

 

Mom, want to go out for dinner?

 

"Well, it's just so expensive."

 

She gave up on a responsible husband years ago. They live together. But he's pathetic. But she stays with him out of Christian duty. Or is it deeper than that? I don't know. When she visited me last week, she said "Well, I guess I should call him." And she asked about his well-being like you ask about a fellow church member. (She doesn't go to church. I think I put her off that. But she believes.)

 

I never saw any physical affection between them. That must have been hard on her. He's just pitiful. They've slept in separate beds most of my post adolescent life. If I were to fully describe him, you wouldn't question why...

 

Getting back to her. I recognize that her choices are ultimately profound and maybe as I age, I will become more like her. I am like her in little ways. I don't seek malice. I don't desire much materially. I wish I could shed sexual desire like her. Where does that come from? That staid, impervious air to all things of the flesh.

 

She said when she was young she was a hothead. I don't see it.

 

I want to be like my mom, I think.

[RJays7]

Thanks so much for sharing about your mom. She sounds like a wonderful woman who thinks of others before herself. I am sure she rubbed off on you at least a little bit!

[anika99]

Is your mom happy? It sounds like she puts everyone before herself in all things. What do you think motivates her to do that and do you think she is truly fulfilled by living so selflessly?

 

 

If you had a daughter would you want to see your daughter grow up to put everyone else's desires and needs before her own? Would you want your daughter to stay in an marriage to a pathetic husband who gives her nothing?

 

 

Just some things to think about....

[SycamoreCircle]

No, I most certainly think about them. They are troubling thoughts. I pushed and pushed my mom the last time I visited for some admission of her feelings. She finally said through teary eyes, "I'm not happy." It broke my heart. But she won't take steps to change. Both myself and my sister have suggested alternatives to her living situation. My father is a hoarder, so my mom essentially lives in his mess. She even told me this last visit that it unnerves her when he makes comments like "Did you get my mail?" and so forth. He's an extremely selfish man who, unfortunately had selfish, emotionally constrained parents.

 

I know this is terrible but I've wished so many times that he would die. It might give my mom some final years of peace. I would go down there and help dispose of all that junk. She has sisters living there who watch out for her, plus my sister.

 

It's just a regrettable situation. Someone who is so selfless, they don't attend to their own happiness!:mad:

[Tayla]

That description was how my mom lived her life. She is three years gone , yet in my heart til my last breath.

 

i came to some peace about her life choices... from listening to her siblings and those that knew her in various social gatherings. My mom really was my best friend but sadly i was not a goodfriend in return... not the way she was.

 

Anyways., Your mom is content, has her priorities in tact and very humble. Cherish it and know that where there is love... all good things flow. How little we understand the impact our parents have til they depart us, you have been given such a gift to experience it in these times of aliveness!!! May you both keep that bond strong. And no matter what the age.. hug her and share. Thats such a simple yet rewarding gift to give!