kicker1229 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 My girlfriend has been emailing guys and the messages always have strong sexual undertones. We are both divorced and in love with each other. Is this normal to be talking with other married men like this? Link to post Share on other sites
beesknees Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 just my 2 cents, but... if there's something you wouldn't do in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it. you can still have your privacy, but if you care about someone, you shouldn't do things that you know would hurt them. i caught my ex with ads on personals sites and with emails to other women (while we were dating). frankly, it hurt me immensely. why would anyone who loved me want me to even remotely feel the tiniest bit of pain? i would never have thought of flirting/emailing with other men because i was so enamored by HIM! and i do believe that we are meant to find things out for a reason... even if it's by snooping. had i not snooped, i'd still be stuck with him, and not knowing what bad things he was doing behind my back. Link to post Share on other sites
Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 just my 2 cents, but... if there's something you wouldn't do in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it. I have looked up male and female personals in every area we live. I stil love my man and only want to be with him . I have looked out of sheer curiosity of waht would be avaibalbe to me if someting bad happened. I have looked up the female personals so that I could see what he would be looking up if somehitn bad happenend. just my 2 cents, but... if there's something you wouldn't do in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it. I do allot of stuff taht I woudl not do infront of him. hell - I am on this site and would NEVER let hime know. I search diet websites and plastic surgury sites galoe and always ahve to (x) out right away before he passes by. i would feel liek trash if I saw taht he had been looking those single females up and I woudl move our right away. But look at what i do, and I have no intention of cheating. I thinl in relationships everyone is worried they will get hurt and have differnet ways of taking precautionary measures? Link to post Share on other sites
Brandi Renee Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 yeah - I did not use spell checker - sorry all Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by beesknees just my 2 cents, but... if there's something you wouldn't do in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it. you can still have your privacy, but if you care about someone, you shouldn't do things that you know would hurt them. Exactly. It's such a simple concept and so few people seem to grasp it. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I don't think privacy should be something you ought to defend. I think it should be a basic tenet of a relationship, like trust or honesty or communication or respect or whatever else. I'm in the minority though, it seems. Plenty of people are fine sharing e-mail passwords and conducting amateur investigations. No, your e-mail password is one of those things that I think are private. However, your internet history could be seen by anyone in a mouse click. If something on there would upset your SO, you've got to share it. Of course. I would make it clear to my girlfriend that I value my privacy. Is that what you meant? Yeah, but you'd have to be specific. Like, "my internet history is private", but HA! Good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn If something on there would upset your SO, you've got to share it. Again, we have different beliefs and values when it comes to a relationship. I wouldn't be happy in a relationship where actions are qualified as 'okay' or not based on whether your partner is upset by them. Some people get upset irrationally. Yeah, but you'd have to be specific. I don't think I'd have to be. It's one of those make-or-break things for me, like fidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Some people get upset irrationally. Well, then don't date those people. Seriously, can't you predict that a girlfriend would be upset if she found you searching for single chicks in the area? Use common sense. There are some things you can't do when you're in a relationshp It's one of those make-or-break things for me, like fidelity. Is she supposed to GUESS what would invade your privacy? Or she'll just get dumped when she crosses a line you've never told her about? Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 (this is totally a side conversation we should have in PM) Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I don't think privacy should be something you ought to defend. I think it should be a basic tenet of a relationship, like trust or honesty or communication or respect or whatever else. I'm in the minority though, it seems. I'm in that same minority. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I don't think privacy should be something you ought to defend. I think it should be a basic tenet of a relationship, like trust or honesty or communication or respect or whatever else. I'm in the minority though, it seems. Plenty of people are fine sharing e-mail passwords and conducting amateur investigations. Of course. I would make it clear to my girlfriend that I value my privacy. Is that what you meant? i don't share passwords with anyone for anything or any reason, and i never will, nor will i expect someone to share theirs with me. i wouldn't want it. i have nothing to hide, but i do value my privacy. i think that's what nicholas meant by the difference between privacy and secrecy...that just because you value privacy doesn't mean you're keeping secrets. the guy i used to live with knew i came on this site, but i would never let him read over my shoulder or know what my name was. it wasn't because i had anything to hide, it was just because it was something for me. i wanted to have something for myself and didn't want to feel like i had to share it. i also thought he might think it was silly, and i didn't feel like taking heat for it. it's my business. i'm one of those rare people who is capable of love and capable of still being my own person. Link to post Share on other sites
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