Blue08 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 So I moved 8hrs away 7yrs ago. Every year I have made the trip back to visit almost twice a year. I have three and at the time married and he had no paid vacation time or leave and we were still expected to make the trip back. My mom and Dad are divorced and until just about a year my dad also came to visit me and my family twice a year. My mom seems as though she always has an excuse not to make it up from having a long distance commute during the week to no more paid leave. The time is coming again where I have to leave next week for the visit. This time I will be traveling with 6 children by myself because my husband can not make it. I brought up spending a day with my dad and she got an attitude saying he always interferes with her time. Ugh its like this every year! When I come to visit she does not want me going anywhere eles! It's also not a vacation, I am sure anybody with children knows that 10x the normal work. My mom and dad don't want the house messy, no hands on the wall, no dirty dishes and turning the lightes off and yadda yadda yadda. I get it and I do the best I can but kids are still kids. And my mom does very little to help out with the kids. Last summer I was making dinner and my step asked if she could keep on eye on my youngest while I make dinner and she threw an attitude and went to her room. The children are very excited about going and I feel that is the only reason why I am. The trip is long, but not only that when I get there it is stressful! I tried talking to her about it and then cops another attitude and says, I will just meet you half way! I am about fed up! My oldest is visiting now, he goes and visits every summer and they buy him a bunch of stuff, and they do not do the same for the other children, which I think is unfair. Am I just being moody or do I have right to frustrated? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 She needs to get off her ass and visit you, especially if you are caring for six kids. It's unreasonable and selfish for her to demand that you visit but she herself will make no effort to make it happen. You need to put her behavior in check and stand your ground. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I live 2.5 hours away from family and driving back and forth every 4-6 weeks got tiring. My dad still calls me and acts like I'm coming every 2 weeks. Even that is stressful as my husband and I work full time. We don't want to spend every weekend driving. But in your case, it blows me away you visit that often with that many kids. Especially if they are super anal about their home. I would visit once a year at most and tough s**t for them. You need to stand your ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Sorry that your parents are not as welcoming. Does sound dreadful. My Biological DAD ,was a bit of a downer, so I can see how it wears on a person. Twice a year to see someone, not to unreasonable. Be safe, enjoy the family time! My family had six , we seemed to enjoy the road trips.... Link to post Share on other sites
MuffMan6969 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 As familys grow, things change. (Holiday visits, get togethers, vacations) Tell them both that next year you want to do destination vacations. Make it somewhere new every time. One with Mom and one with Dad. If either cant work it out, tell them this is what YOU want. The kids will look forward to it, you will look forward to it, and you and especially the kids will make lasting memories with your parents. I lost my Dad recently and I look back at some of the trips we had together and just smile. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I would tell her if she wants to visit - then she can make the trip. You are not obligated to go. Why haven't you told her no? Have a boundary and stick to it. So what if she complains - she will get the message. Don't make excuses... Only tell her it just doesn't work for you! If she tries to make you feel guilty - just repeat it again "that doesn't work for me!" It's time you stop trying to please your Mom so much that it makes you miserable. If it's so important to Mom - she will travel. Invite your Dad too... But not at the same time, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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