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6 mths NC with ex, but still having some guilty feelings, accidentally broke NC today

ForwardFocused

By ForwardFocused,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ForwardFocused

ForwardFocused

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If I post my final message to him on here, can someone read it over and tell me if it sounds ok before I send it?

 

After I send it, I will block him.

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BC1980

BC1980

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If he knows the reason, why would he still pretend to not know up to this point?

 

Do you think sending him one last message is a bad idea?

 

Because he wants attention.

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BC1980

BC1980

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What is he really feeling guilty about anyways? He surly isn't feeling guilty about cheating on me or the FB account or the nude pics. He doesn't know that I know, so why do you think he is feeling guilty?

 

Maybe the fact that he disappeared for 3 months? OR he can still feel guilty even if he isn't aware that you know about the FB account and nude pics. Either way, this guy just wants some attention and to mess around with you.

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BC1980

BC1980

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He just sent me two pictures of himself and said "That's me now". Clearly he has been working out.

 

Interesting that he is showing me this now? He's sending me these messages, telling me where he works and showing me pictures of his post work-out body to do what exactly? To show me how well he is doing?

 

Because you have been ignoring him, his ego has taken a hit. He needs to build his ego back up, so he hits you up as a weak and reliable source. He knows you will take the bait. Once he gets his hit off of you, he will disappear again until he gets bored.

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ForwardFocused

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You think the reason why I have not been taking your calls is because there's someone else and I have moved on? You said this yesterday and you said it months ago in a voice message to me. You're so convinced aren't you? Do you think that's the type of person I am? To just up and disappear on someone I am in a long-term relationship with just because 'someone else' comes along?

 

One of the last questions you asked me was 'what have I done'. At the time, I didn't want to answer because I did not want to communicate with you about what I was aware of and how I was feeling. The truth is, at that time, I knew about 'Mike' and the interactions you had (and were seeking to have) online through social platforms. I knew about the invitations that were extended to spend weekends with you, the picture exchanges online, etc. I think you were so consumed with your online world, that you probably did not notice...but when you asked me 'what you had done', we had not spoken at all for 3 months prior to that. 3 months. I suppose your selfish escapades to have the best of both worlds was really time consuming, yeah?

 

You can say to me right now that you have no idea what I'm talking about, but I already know, so denying it is pointless. Honestly though- when we were together, I wanted you to feel that you could talk to me about anything: your deepest feelings, darkest fears, craziest passions, anything. Even if it was a situation where you were not feeling completely fulfilled or happy with just me, being honest and open would have meant so very much to me.

 

So yes, I was not taking your calls because, I knew what you were doing behind my back and quite frankly, I have too much love and respect for myself to put up with the unacceptable treatment of me and our relationship

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I wrote that really late last night/early this morning. Couldn't sleep. Theraputic? A little.

 

Is it that bad? If an ex sent that to you would you thing he/she still had feelings for you?

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katiegrl

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I wrote that really late last night/early this morning. Couldn't sleep. Theraputic? A little.

 

Is it that bad? If an ex sent that to you would you thing he/she still had feelings for you?

 

Yes!!! Very much so and then some.

 

Please DO NOT send that.

 

Block him, today. And try to move on.

 

Long overdue.

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contel3

contel3

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I wrote that really late last night/early this morning. Couldn't sleep. Theraputic? A little.

 

Is it that bad? If an ex sent that to you would you thing he/she still had feelings for you?

 

 

If I was over the guy a message like this would simply annoy me.

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katiegrl

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If I was over the guy a message like this would simply annoy me.

 

Would you even read it?

 

I suspect OP's ex won't even read ....maybe the first few sentences, then it goes right to the trash.

 

He doesn't care.

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ForwardFocused

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If I was over the guy a message like this would simply annoy me.

 

The person I want to send it to is not over me. He just told me he will always love me yesterday.

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ForwardFocused

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Would you even read it?

 

I suspect OP's ex won't even read ....maybe the first few sentences, then it goes right to the trash.

 

He doesn't care.

 

You think so Katie? That he won't read it? I think when he sees the name Mike, he will. I don't think he would have ever thought he would see the day where I would actually know about his online persona.

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Zahara

Zahara

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The person I want to send it to is not over me. He just told me he will always love me yesterday.

 

Good god. This man cheated on you. Disappeared for 3 months without a damn as to what and how you were feeling. Made you feel insignificant throughout your relationship and just because he threw some words about love, you're grovelling it up?

 

Actions. Not words.

 

He doesn't love you. He loves the idea of someone weak in the knees still harboring feelings for him. It's a great ego boost for him. He's not a good guy. He's horrible. He's absolutely thrilled at the fact that a woman, after all that ill-treatment is still sitting there pining. Love and pine over someone that loved, cared and treated you with utmost respect. But twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to justify yourself to someone that treated you badly?

 

Get a grip OP. Self-respect. Where is yours? You even said when you found out he was cheating under your nose, that you should have left. You felt ashamed you stayed and now you're entertaining his stupidity by explaining yourself?

 

Cut him out. Block him. No more engaging. He is not worth another word.

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BC1980

BC1980

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The person I want to send it to is not over me. He just told me he will always love me yesterday.

 

He says he loves you, but what has he done to back up those words. Yeez, my ex said he would always love me, and he ran off and got engaged to someone he dated for 6 months right after our breakup. Words are words. We all say stuff we don't mean in the moment, exaggerate our feelings, ect. You have to look at his actions.

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BC1980

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You think so Katie? That he won't read it? I think when he sees the name Mike, he will. I don't think he would have ever thought he would see the day where I would actually know about his online persona.

 

I don't think he really cares if you know about his online persona or not because he knows you will always be back regardless. He knows there isn't much he could do to to disrespect you that will make you run away for good.

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ForwardFocused

ForwardFocused

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Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to me yesterday and today. Some of it was hard to read, but I suppose stating harsh truths was an attempt to bring me back to reality. Yes, it has been 1.5 years. I'm embarrassed to still be emotional and hung up on him, but I am the only one to blame for it because yes, I chose not to keep him blocked.

 

As you all can see, I was in a somewhat dark place yesterday. This morning when I woke up, I did not feel much better.

 

Some of you might be disappointed, but I texted him today. I did not send him the message I posted here, but I sent him this:

 

'All I have to say at this point is one word: Mike. I don't need to say more than that. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

 

That is why I stopped taking your calls, over a year ago. I completely lost trust in you and what we had.'

 

He texted back and basically said to me 'don't I see that he is no longer on facebook' and asked when last have I seen him on there. After that, he immediately said that he will 'leave me alone' and wished me 'all the best'.

 

An hour later, he asked me if I want him stop trying to contact me. He pleaded for me to speak to him or he's coming to my house later and he's not going to move until I come outside.

 

To his messages above I responded by saying: 'Yes. You don't appear to want to actually take responsibility for anything. I've given you opportunities to be honest with me, but each and every time you become defensive or deny what I already know'.

 

After that he told me he is sorry, twice, and said that he is begging to talk on the phone with me. He also found it necessary to say that he has not been on fb in over a year or more :rolleyes:. At that point, I calmly said to him:

 

'I'm not just talking about facebook. Furthermore, you're saying that you haven't been on it in over a year, but that is not relevant. The point is, you were on it when we were together.'

 

I haven't said anything since. He on the other hand is still asking to talk.

 

It felt good to finally say that I know. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my back to just say it matter-of-factly, instead of outpouring emotions and feelings to him.

 

He actually said he is 'sorry' (don't believe him though, more like sorry that he has been found out).

 

I really don't care what he says to me at this point. He has made his bed.

 

Right now, I actually feel that I have gotten closure.

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Zahara

Zahara

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Right now, I actually feel that I have gotten closure.

 

You had your closure a long time ago. There is nothing that he did or said that granted you that closure. You've known all along, from way back when, that he's been a liar and a cheat. That was your closure. All he did was skirt around and give you empty apologies. Same BS.

 

You need to block him. You've invested 1.5 years in nothing. If you leave yourself open to anymore communication, then you are choosing to inflict this on yourself. It's a choice.

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ForwardFocused

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What helped to give me closure was me finally calling him out on his crap.

 

Throughout these 1.5 years, it came in waves, but I had bits of underlying feelings of 'guilt' after just cutting off this person that I had known since 2006. It didn't make sense to me sometimes, but that is how I felt. Even though many of you said that he knew why I did it and he's not worth any form of explanation, I still did not feel at peace with myself for cutting him off.

 

After calling him out, now, I do. It has given it finality, for me.

 

What ensued after; his begging, apologies and requests to talk has no meaning to me, whatsoever.

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