Religion and divorce

[Jwflocker]

I am involved in a religion that I no longer want to be involved with. I want out of it and I also can't be with my wife any longer because 1) I don't want to be with her and want someone else.

 

2) I cannot deny my feelings anymore in religion and I no longer want to be involved in it.

 

She will not let me out of the marriage unless I sign a bunch of paperwork saying I am a cheater and I also have to tell the elders at church that I am a cheater so that she can be free to divorce and then remarry in the church.

 

The thing Is I haven't actually cheated, I just know that I don't want to be in this lifestyle any longer and I want someone who can accept me for who I am. She is making it hard to finish the paperwork on our divorce because I won't agree to signing something that makes me a liar.

 

Should I just go ahead and sign the paperwork so that we can finalize this, even though I don't agree with the wording? I am afraid my family will outcast me over this but I am so unhappy and she just wants me to work 24/7 within the religion and I can't do that anymore.

 

She wants me to sign over everything to her; it's like this religion has taken over her mind and soul. She has been raised in it since she was very small. I just want out. Away from her and away from the church. I want a life and to live it to the fullest. Any advice?

[TaraMaiden2]

I am involved in a religion that I no longer want to be involved with. I want out of it and I also can't be with my wife any longer because 1) I don't want to be with her and want someone else.

 

2) I cannot deny my feelings anymore in religion and I no longer want to be involved in it.

 

She will not let me out of the marriage unless I sign a bunch of paperwork saying I am a cheater and I also have to tell the elders at church that I am a cheater so that she can be free to divorce and then remarry in the church.

 

The thing Is I haven't actually cheated, I just know that I don't want to be in this lifestyle any longer and I want someone who can accept me for who I am. She is making it hard to finish the paperwork on our divorce because I won't agree to signing something that makes me a liar.

 

Should I just go ahead and sign the paperwork so that we can finalize this, even though I don't agree with the wording? I am afraid my family will outcast me over this but I am so unhappy and she just wants me to work 24/7 within the religion and I can't do that anymore.

 

She wants me to sign over everything to her; it's like this religion has taken over her mind and soul. She has been raised in it since she was very small. I just want out. Away from her and away from the church. I want a life and to live it to the fullest. Any advice?

 

Don't be a fool.

I mean that in the 'blind' kind of way.

Forget her threats.

See a lawyer, and file for divorce on the grounds of her unreasonable behaviour.

If she starts spreading rumours about you, threaten her with a slander lawsuit.

 

Juat because she's 'religious' doesn't make her right, and it doesn't make her strong.

It makes her self-righteous and manipulated.

 

Leave the home, find a safe haven and consult a legal expert.

Don't put up with this.

It's utterly ridiculous.

[todreaminblue]

i dont know what type of real religion involves deceit....but tell her you wont do it.....your number one reason you state is that ....you dont want to be with her and you want someone else....i have to ask

 

do you have someone in mind?

 

 

what are the reasons you dont want to be with your wife.....and have you at least sought marriage counselling to discuss this.....outside of religion and inside religion marriage is always a supposed long standing commitment for better or worse... as is divorce its a commitment to sever all bonds....and i think when thinking about divorce ....you should be seeking professional help to discover if you can save a marriage before severing one......deb

[TaraMaiden2]

I think the OP has made his mind up he wants out, and frankly, looking at his post, I don't blame him. That kind of religious, manipulative, controlling freak is the kind causing global problems at the moment.

 

He needs to get away, and fast.

[todreaminblue]

I think the OP has made his mind up he wants out, and frankly, looking at his post, I don't blame him. That kind of religious, manipulative, controlling freak is the kind causing global problems at the moment.

 

He needs to get away, and fast.

 

 

 

maybe you are right tara...i see your points and if the op has made up his mind then so be it........i still hold my opinion though and stand behind my advice..... maybe counselling might or could help her with her issues as well as strengthening the reason why they married in the first place.......and if they have never sought counselling then i truly believe it would help either way divorce or stay.......i dont believe in deceit or trying to control someone or manipulation to get everything turned over to her...that is twisted... i do however believe in marriage....and as always....i respect and acknowledge your advice you have given...deb

[Jwflocker]

She firmly believes that I cheated and that that's the reason I want out. She is very wrong about the cheating. I just want out because I cannot take the pressure anymore. I want someone who wants to live life to the fullest and with happiness, not trying to please a higher power that may or may not exist.

 

Our entire lives are based on these religious beliefs. I am expected to work relentlessly to convert others. We only socialize with people who hold the same beliefs; it is sinful for us to be around other "worldly" people.

 

I am not the crazy one here but she thinks I am. She cannot comprehend why I wouldn't want to continue in this. 3 days a week I have to give myself to studying, home visits, etc. It is driving me crazy. I see co-workers living what I dream of as a normal, fun loving life.

 

I got so sick a few years ago and literally thought I was dying. I seen 3 doctors and the last one eventually realized it was stress induced and I was having panic attacks and severe anxiety. It's all due to this lifestyle I am expected to uphold.

 

There is no reasoning with her as she was brought up in this. I converted as a young adult. 20+ years later I find myself needing to get out. I am thinking of signing the paperwork just for a resolution. I am sure a judge would see the craziness behind the wording.

 

Counseling won't help as we hold 2 totally different world views. I cannot change her mind about her religion. TaraMaiden you are correct and this is a very real example of whats wrong in the world today. I am held hostage in my own mind, marriage, and household. I just wish she would give me the divorce and move on.

[todreaminblue]

She firmly believes that I cheated and that that's the reason I want out. She is very wrong about the cheating. I just want out because I cannot take the pressure anymore. I want someone who wants to live life to the fullest and with happiness, not trying to please a higher power that may or may not exist.

 

Our entire lives are based on these religious beliefs. I am expected to work relentlessly to convert others. We only socialize with people who hold the same beliefs; it is sinful for us to be around other "worldly" people.

 

I am not the crazy one here but she thinks I am. She cannot comprehend why I wouldn't want to continue in this. 3 days a week I have to give myself to studying, home visits, etc. It is driving me crazy. I see co-workers living what I dream of as a normal, fun loving life.

 

I got so sick a few years ago and literally thought I was dying. I seen 3 doctors and the last one eventually realized it was stress induced and I was having panic attacks and severe anxiety. It's all due to this lifestyle I am expected to uphold.

 

There is no reasoning with her as she was brought up in this. I converted as a young adult. 20+ years later I find myself needing to get out. I am thinking of signing the paperwork just for a resolution. I am sure a judge would see the craziness behind the wording.

 

Counseling won't help as we hold 2 totally different world views. I cannot change her mind about her religion. TaraMaiden you are correct and this is a very real example of whats wrong in the world today. I am held hostage in my own mind, marriage, and household. I just wish she would give me the divorce and move on.

 

 

 

i am really sorry you are having a hard time ....i tmust be hard for you to deal with..so are you saying you dont believe in the religion or in god?

 

for what i believe about god....is that he doesnt expect perfection......he just expects our best and that means knowing when to say no.....the church i go to and the faith i have has pretty strict guidelines and doctrine...we also do home visits ....and try to share the word and plan of happiness with people......which i do actually believe in....i see the good that comes from being faithful.....if people followed biblical principals i think trials are easier to handle...... and to tell the truth i havent been happier or managed trials better...normally i end up suicidal ...adn i am still here...so i am doing somethign right.....life for me, was never easy in the first place.....so hard i understand and i understand trials i just have found solace and a belonging i never have felt before.....i dont put pressure on myself on others expectations of me or the expectations i even hold for myself or my family...i let god ride the road with me....hard or easy...i learn to adapt to what situation i am in and i pray a lot......so i will have to ask again is it god you are turning from or a church you no longer believe in and a marriage that would force you to stay in a church you no longer believe in.......

 

what was it that made you decide to convert?...as far as your marriage goes......dont be deceitful with anything or admit to something that you didnt do just for resolution...fight for your right to be truthful...always..i am sorry you feel the way you do about your marriage.........deb

Edited July 25, 2015 by todreaminblue

[d0nnivain]

Flip the script on her. Even though you want out of the religion & the marriage, go to the church elders & tell them that she wants you to lie to them & to God. Ask them for help leaving both the Church & the marriage.

 

If you live in the U.S. this is really easy, you simply leave. They can't hold you there. Then you walk out of Church & into a lawyer's office, then a Courthouse. Viola. You are free of both.