GreenBlueGreen Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I am still in contact with my ex's mother. Some times I even go out and have lunch with her. She is a nice lady and I have gotten on with her however recently she has been confiding in me her own past where she has been sexually assaulted by different men on different occasions when she was growing up. Starting from age eight all the way to her late teens. However when she tells me of her own abuse, I hold my tongue and I get flash backs of my abuse which was at the hands of her son. Her son is mentally ill and he would lash out at me when he went into psychosis. He raped me on a regular basis namely sodomy, and four times he went into full on violent episodes which left me with bruises. It got worse when he threatened to kill himself and I. I know his mother has been through so much, however I too have experienced it. It has been to much and I know she has no one else to talk to about her abuse, so I listen to her story. I wish I could tell her my own. Has anyone been through a similar thing?
Torii Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 It's great to have somebody listen to your story, but please don't begin to use this person as your own personal therapist. This person is not trained to help you with those deeply rooted issues, and there's no guarantee that your story will remain in confidentiality. Speaking with somebody about your issues is okay, healthy even - but not when it crosses boundaries set for personal management.. You should never rely on somebody else, unless they know the proper steps to take when helping domestic cases. 1
spiderowl Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 This sounds like a relationship that could get really difficult if you both end up talking about abuse and especially as her son was your abuser. I can't see this working out well. You both need to talk to someone else about your respective situations, not each other. I can't see how telling her that her son hurt you would help her or yourself. Perhaps you could encourage her to seek therapy for herself and do likewise for yourself. 1
anika99 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Agree with spider. I think both you and your ex's mother need to talk about the abuse you have experienced but not to each other. Get a counsellor and suggest that the mother do the same. Neither of you are equipped to help the other and the fact that she is the mother of your abuser adds another layer of potential trouble to the friendship you have with her. I'm not sure that it's healthy for you to be friends with her at all.
Author GreenBlueGreen Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 The thing is I don't want to tell her what happened. The horrific things he did to me is beyond imaginable. I also don't want to be her therapist either. She onlyh gets this way when she is drunk.
bathtub-row Posted August 3, 2015 Posted August 3, 2015 I personally think this relationship is toxic to you. It keeps the memory of your ex alive. What would probably be best for you is to remove everything from your life that reminds you of your horrible, horrible ex. His mom may be a nice person and all that but I don't see this as being a healthy relationship for you in any way. As far as telling her about what her son did to you, I think that's completely inappropriate and would never do that. It sounds like she's got enough on her plate and it also sounds like she possibly perpetuates abuse in her life without even realizing it. Maybe her son is mentally ill, but maybe he isn't and is just using that as an excuse. Maybe he's manipulating you through his mom. Who knows? The truth is, this is no longer your problem, nor your life. I know that sounds cold but you might want to think about being more protective of yourself. I would personally never invite anyone like this into my personal space. Maybe you can find other things to do and make new friends. There are tons of people out there who will mirror what you want your life to be. Continuing this theme of abuse in your life will only keep the beast alive and breathing.
turnera Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 I'd find her a therapist and give her the number.
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