It all ended in disaster

[writergal]

It's also the millionth time she's done this kind of thing. When you are spending the day with someone, uou don't just leave them sitting there for an hour while talking tpo members of the opposite sex. On what planet do you see that as acceptable behavior in the middle of a romantic day?

 

It's not respectful or acceptable behavior while you are on a romantic date. And your cue to "let's go" was completely ignored by her because she doesn't obviously have respect or mutual feelings of love for you on a deeper level.

 

She may just view you as a guy she has a good time with and that's all. And when you showed her your vulnerable side, she rebuffed you. That was your cue to exit stage left, as the theatre folks say.

 

Look at it this way. You risked being vulnerable with a woman you care about. That is good practice. I mean, you originally invited her on your boat for a sex-fueled 3 month vacation - that was your plan, you said so yourself. But that changed when she saw you again, probably because she has changed. She sounds very shallow and selfish anyway. Move on.

[loveweary11]

Further, if a guy says no in that situation, he's controlling. If a guy says ok, that's not right either???

[writergal]

She does. I'm going to remind her though. But maybe I should really just bail on this toxic situation.

 

The way she treated you on your date is a preview of how she'd be long-term. You said before that she is a free spirit who doesn't commit to any man, regardless of what he (in the general sense) has to offer her.

 

Don't remind her. She knows. She just doesn't seem to care and you can't force someone to care about you. Love doesn't work that way. It has to be mutual.

[MidwestUSA]

Because they asked if they could do a photo shoot with her right there on the roof deck. Harmless.

 

The problem isn't with them. There are tons of scammers pretending to be fashion people who prey on women in NY. It's a well known scam to pick up girls.

 

Since they were gentlemanly and asked permission... and I know she likes doing that kind of thing, I played it cool. I didn't know they were scammers until half way into the shoot when I first went over (see earlier post).

 

So the problem isn't with them. It's with her. Not only did she fall for the scam, but she also literally left me sitting there the whole time. This is at the end of 5-6 hours of pure closeness, smiles and fun today. Things were going great, until she wrecked them.I'm

 

And texts were 2 sided. We were fighting on them. It wasn't just me.

 

 

Maybe it's me, but I'd want my man to grow some balls and let me know scammers aren't going to drag me off. A legitimate photographer can get her info and contact her later.

 

You were complicit in letting her know your day wasn't all that important. We like some possessiveness. You played it too cool.

[loveweary11]

It's not respectful or acceptable behavior while you are on a romantic date. And your cue to "let's go" was completely ignored by her because she doesn't obviously have respect or mutual feelings of love for you on a deeper level.

 

She may just view you as a guy she has a good time with and that's all. And when you showed her your vulnerable side, she rebuffed you. That was your cue to exit stage left, as the theatre folks say.

 

Look at it this way. You risked being vulnerable with a woman you care about. That is good practice. I mean, you originally invited her on your boat for a sex-fueled 3 month vacation - that was your plan, you said so yourself. But that changed when she saw you again, probably because she has changed. She sounds very shallow and selfish anyway. Move on.

 

I'm going to have to agree with this post.

 

I screwed up and chose a horrible path, as per usual.

 

Damn... Love... WEARY.

[PrettyEmily77]

She does. I'm going to remind her though. But maybe I should really just bail on this toxic situation.

 

 

Probs best at this stage I guess, yeah...

[writergal]

Further, if a guy says no in that situation, he's controlling. If a guy says ok, that's not right either???

 

Who told you that? They're idiots if they did. How were you controlling when you asserted your needs to her, "hey let's go." There is a difference between asserting one's needs and being a total control freak. If you were a total control freak, you wouldn't have let her do that photo shoot. And again, she wanted to which was very rude by the way, since she was supposed to be on a romantic date with you. Why did she need to do that dumb photo shoot anyway?

 

If a guy says ok, that means he's accepting and trustworthy and flexible.

[loveweary11]

Maybe it's me, but I'd want my man to grow some balls and let me know scammers aren't going to drag me off. A legitimate photographer can get her info and contact her later.

 

You were complicit in letting her know your day wasn't all that important. We like some possessiveness. You played it too cool.

 

Damn it... i have a huge problem with this.

 

She wanted to do it. Am I supposed to be a controlling jerk and forbid her from doing it?

 

You can't win.

 

I did the play it cool thing, followed by, "let's go."

 

I even shoulder butted the main scammer out of the way to talk to her the last time. How much more aggressive should I have been?

 

If i said no from the start, she'd see me as too controlling.

 

I'm lost.

[writergal]

I'm going to have to agree with this post.

 

I screwed up and chose a horrible path, as per usual.

 

Damn... Love... WEARY.

 

Nah don't beat yourself up. You took a risk and it didn't pan out. People change. That's what this is really about. She's a free spirit who is very centered on herself and not on others' needs. Well, not on your emotional needs. She's basically not emotionally available and you are. Bad timing? Maybe.

 

Some people wait that out until the other person becomes emotionally available but that's also very risky, because you can't predict how that person will change or evolve during the time they're not with you. And when the two of you reunite, there's no guarantee you'll be on the same page. I know.

 

I just went through this with a guy I was in love with 20 years ago. We reunited and again, my heart got broken because I am emotionally available for him but he's just divorced his wife and not emotionally available for a real relationship while I am. I curse the universe of course, because he and I are 100% compatible. But he's a wreck and I'm not interested in sacrificing my time waiting for him for another 20 years. I should change my membername to BadTiming.

[loveweary11]

Who told you that? They're idiots if they did. How were you controlling when you asserted your needs to her, "hey let's go." There is a difference between asserting one's needs and being a total control freak. If you were a total control freak, you wouldn't have let her do that photo shoot. And again, she wanted to which was very rude by the way, since she was supposed to be on a romantic date with you. Why did she need to do that dumb photo shoot anyway?

 

If a guy says ok, that means he's accepting and trustworthy and flexible.

 

That's how I see it.

 

I agree completely.

 

Other posters here are actually saying I should have said no to the shoot.

 

Also, Vogue stopped her when we were walking on the sidewalk in South Beach and it was legit, so I figured this was too.

[MidwestUSA]

Damn it... i have a huge problem with this.

 

She wanted to do it. Am I supposed to be a controlling jerk and forbid her from doing it?

 

You can't win.

 

I did the play it cool thing, followed by, "let's go."

 

I even shoulder butted the main scammer out of the way to talk to her the last time. How much more aggressive should I have been?

 

If i said no from the start, she'd see me as too controlling.

 

I'm lost.

 

It's a fine line, I'll admit. I don't know her, and I don't know you.

 

A simple 'come on, I've got better things planned' would have done it for me. You say it happens to her all the time, let her do it on her own time.

[loveweary11]

Nah don't beat yourself up. You took a risk and it didn't pan out. People change. That's what this is really about. She's a free spirit who is very centered on herself and not on others' needs. Well, not on your emotional needs. She's basically not emotionally available and you are. Bad timing? Maybe.

 

Some people wait that out until the other person becomes emotionally available but that's also very risky, because you can't predict how that person will change or evolve during the time they're not with you. And when the two of you reunite, there's no guarantee you'll be on the same page. I know.

 

I just went through this with a guy I was in love with 20 years ago. We reunited and again, my heart got broken because I am emotionally available for him but he's just divorced his wife and not emotionally available for a real relationship while I am. I curse the universe of course, because he and I are 100% compatible. But he's a wreck and I'm not interested in sacrificing my time waiting for him for another 20 years. I should change my membername to BadTiming.

 

Oh wow.

 

Sorry to hear that. You've 100% accurately described what I think the problem is.

 

I love her (hope that changes soon), but she is very self centered, while I'm very caring for other people's feelings.

 

I guess fundamentally, that's where it's a bad match.

[jay1983]

Maybe it's me, but I'd want my man to grow some balls and let me know scammers aren't going to drag me off. A legitimate photographer can get her info and contact her later.

 

You were complicit in letting her know your day wasn't all that important. We like some possessiveness. You played it too cool.

 

I thin line between stepping up and being too controlling. What makes it harder is that they weren't committed and she's the free spirit type.

 

Sorry for my inconsiderate comment loveweary

[writergal]

That's how I see it.

 

I agree completely.

 

Other posters here are actually saying I should have said no to the shoot.

 

Also, Vogue stopped her when we were walking on the sidewalk in South Beach and it was legit, so I figured this was too.

 

Look, she was going to resent you either way. You could have said "no don't do that they are scammers I have some great plans for us right now" and she'd still throw a tantrum. Right? But seriously, what woman is like "I need to do that photoshoot right now, even though we're on a romantic date." That's just weird. I could see if it were "hey I know we were supposed to go to that art gallery but I really want to see this movie, can we do that instead and see the gallery another time?" That is more compromising and reasonable.

 

How did Vogue stop her in South Beach? Was there a photo shoot happening nearby? Did they show a business card to you and her?

[lollipopspot]

What did you say to her in the resulting text?

 

Is your friendship over too now, or just the hoped-for romantic part?

[MidwestUSA]

I thin line between stepping up and being too controlling. What makes it harder is that they weren't committed and she's the free spirit type.

 

Yea, that's why I used the term fine line.

 

Nothing like that going on here in the Midwest, is there? LOL. Last time anyone wanted my pic, it was a mugshot.

 

Sorry, LW, that's a chuckle for ya.

[elaine567]

What is she going to say when #2 shows up at 6.30?

[writergal]

Oh wow.

 

Sorry to hear that. You've 100% accurately described what I think the problem is.

 

I love her (hope that changes soon), but she is very self centered, while I'm very caring for other people's feelings.

 

I guess fundamentally, that's where it's a bad match.

 

Yeah, well, I feel like Matt Damon's character in the movie The Adjustment Bureau. Those AB mofos clearly don't want me and this guy's timelines to sync up and we're tried TWICE in a 20 year period. Whenever I see people with hats, I freak out now. I'm no picnic, but there are some guys out there like this guy, who I'm compatible with. He liked me, just the way I am (Bridget Jones reference in case anyone needed it). But what can I do? Just keep swimming. Man, pop culture movies are awesome to use as clever references.

 

She is self-centered and so you two are fundamentally not a good match unfortunately.

[loveweary11]

I thin line between stepping up and being too controlling. What makes it harder is that they weren't committed and she's the free spirit type.

 

Sorry for my inconsiderate comment loveweary

 

Don't worry about it, man.

 

You're a good guy. Your comment wasn't incorrect, except I would imagine you don't really hsve problems getting new ones either.

[loveweary11]

Look, she was going to resent you either way. You could have said "no don't do that they are scammers I have some great plans for us right now" and she'd still throw a tantrum. Right? But seriously, what woman is like "I need to do that photoshoot right now, even though we're on a romantic date." That's just weird. I could see if it were "hey I know we were supposed to go to that art gallery but I really want to see this movie, can we do that instead and see the gallery another time?" That is more compromising and reasonable.

 

How did Vogue stop her in South Beach? Was there a photo shoot happening nearby? Did they show a business card to you and her?

 

Yeah. I vetted the Vogue shoot and saw business cards and paperwork the photography staff had. And they were women. I didn't immediately vet this one, only did so later, to find out they were scammers.

[loveweary11]

Look, she was going to resent you either way. You could have said "no don't do that they are scammers I have some great plans for us right now" and she'd still throw a tantrum. Right? But seriously, what woman is like "I need to do that photoshoot right now, even though we're on a romantic date." That's just weird. I could see if it were "hey I know we were supposed to go to that art gallery but I really want to see this movie, can we do that instead and see the gallery another time?" That is more compromising and reasonable.

 

How did Vogue stop her in South Beach? Was there a photo shoot happening nearby? Did they show a business card to you and her?

 

Yeah. I vetted the Vogue shoot and saw business cards and paperwork the photography staff had from the magazine. And they were women. I didn't immediately vet this one, only did so later, to find out they were scammers.

 

She's been on some reality tv too.

[loveweary11]

What is she going to say when #2 shows up at 6.30?

 

We're doing our own thing.

 

If she comes back when #2 is here, I'll tell her to come back later since I'm busy.

[writergal]

Yeah. I vetted the Vogue shoot and saw business cards and paperwork the photography staff had from the magazine. And they were women. I didn't immediately vet this one, only did so later, to find out they were scammers.

 

She's been on some reality tv too.

 

Reality tv too? Eww. Ewww!!!

[loveweary11]

What did you say to her in the resulting text?

 

Is your friendship over too now, or just the hoped-for romantic part?

 

I don't want her as a friend. I won't be friend zoned.

 

I learned to take that healthy stance reading this forum.

 

It's something, or it's nothing. Self respect. I haven't always had it.

[S_A]

I even shoulder butted the main scammer out of the way to talk to her the last time. How much more aggressive should I have been?

 

If i said no from the start, she'd see me as too controlling.

 

Dude, I let my GF get hit on. Personally, I don't care as long as the guy is not disrespectful. In your case you knew they were scammers (sounds obvious based on the details) and you still let some dirty ass ****ers take pictures that they got to keep! They can do whatever the hell they want with those pics.

 

The shoulder thing was cool, but you gotta take it up a notch. Just them presenting my GF with the idea of a photoshoot right then and there (total scam) would have pissed me off. I would not hit them (unless they throw thebfirst punch), because bruises heal. I'd probably just take their cameras. This way they can't scam and even if yoga chick wanted pics taken, she can't have them.

 

How many were there? Two? Three? Arabs tend to be small. Plus you're a f***ing New Yorker! Dude you've been hanging out in LA too much. Were you just afriad to show Yoga Chick your emotions at that moment?