Author loveweary11 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Bingo. For all your confidence, in love, I feel you are full of fear. I admit, when my man first began speaking powerful words of love to me, then backing them up with powerful loving actions, at first it spooked me, and I fought against it a little. But he's a very patient man, and now I'm settling down, realizing I can't keep running away forever. Well, I can, but if I do, I'll be alone and sad, drifting further from the happy life I really want. Truly loving someone is always risky, always uncertain. But the way I see it, it's what it's all about. Look at my username. Painfully obvious I'm scared to death of it, but I am feeling it right now anyway. I'm doing exactly what your guy did with my yoga chick. Im getting my @$$ handed to me by her, but I'm living it and feeling it for the first time since my marriage. It's quite reassuring to actually be feeling something again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Wow!!!!!!! This is literally the ultimate extension of an analogy!! Leave it to the CA girl who actually understands panning for gold to blow us all out of the water on an analogy. Point well taken. No idea where those perfect streams are, though. Anyone have a prospector's map/guide they can loan me? This could be a regional thing. I'm expected to have my potentials screaming by like the second date. I'd far prefer your way, but if I do that, it's just as Jen backed me up on. I'm basically not considered a man if I don't show girls a sexually good time... and fast. Heh, not a far stretch that a rural California girl has literally panned for gold before In all seriousness, yes, regional plays a MAJOR factor, but there will always be outliers. Regionally, you couldn't be in a more different place than where I am. Moving outside of your norm will help. Gotta find that metaphorical river in your big city. The gold is hidden. You won't see it right away. Right now the pretty pyrite is catching your eye and drawing you in, but holds no long term value. Heck, did you know if you put pyrite in a fish tank, it'll kill the fish? It's toxic... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 I'm such an amateur prospector....... sigh...... Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I'm such an amateur prospector....... sigh...... If Donald Trump can run for office, then you can find a woman to have a monogamous relationship with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) LW, one question. Are you into project women? I was into project men and that's why I ask. In 90% of my relationships I knew who they were, and sometimes they told me and I dismissed it because ... I. Could. Change. Them. Edited July 31, 2015 by pureinheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 LW, one question. Are you into project women? I was into project men and that's why I ask. In 90% of my relationships I knew who they were, and sometimes they told me and I dismissed it because ... I. Could. Change. Them. Same here! I guess I love a challenge. Then I figured out that people don't change much. Meaningful change takes serious work, effort, commitment. Most people are essentially the same person they were as a child, and will always be that person, with the same qualities and tendencies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Loveweary, can you kindly clarify the statement that "a quick rump in the hay is expected to prove your a man"? ( sorry I transcribed it a bit different, yet the concept is there). It concerns me that a person of your self assurance is allowing someone to define you in any way shape or form. Your Manhood is not entirely that which occurs in the bedroom. Allowing a younger lady to determine your value and your self worth or male sexuality seems like you are valuing them at the cost of yourself. They should accentuate it, not determine it I do not know you technically , only what you write and it does come off as genuine and even up beat, with moments of realistic sadness over this recent lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Loveweary, can you kindly clarify the statement that "a quick rump in the hay is expected to prove your a man"? ( sorry I transcribed it a bit different, yet the concept is there). It concerns me that a person of your self assurance is allowing someone to define you in any way shape or form. Your Manhood is not entirely that which occurs in the bedroom. Allowing a younger lady to determine your value and your self worth or male sexuality seems like you are valuing them at the cost of yourself. They should accentuate it, not determine it I do not know you technically , only what you write and it does come off as genuine and even up beat, with moments of realistic sadness over this recent lady. What he said was that the women judge him, not that it defines his self worth or sense of manhood. Next time quote the actual statement so as not to be misleading. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) Same here! I guess I love a challenge. Then I figured out that people don't change much. Meaningful change takes serious work, effort, commitment. Most people are essentially the same person they were as a child, and will always be that person, with the same qualities and tendencies. The trouble is that you never really know when you see that inner person. Many people may not know their own inner person. And in a sense I don't agree. I think we all continually change and it's a crap shoot as to whether any two people will change in way that is compatible. [which makes me wonder how much this might influence the famous 7 year itch. Could that be how long it generally takes for our continual change to manifest in a significant way]. I still have recognizable traits going back to childhood, but that isn't all that I am. I am much more than that. Edited July 31, 2015 by Robert Z Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 LW, one question. Are you into project women? I was into project men and that's why I ask. In 90% of my relationships I knew who they were, and sometimes they told me and I dismissed it because ... I. Could. Change. Them. No, but I've yet to meet a non-project woman in my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 No, but I've yet to meet a non-project woman in my life. That's all on you. All you're interested in are "project women" 6 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 No, but I've yet to meet a non-project woman in my life. Think of women like furniture. Do you want to date IKEA (cheap, assembly required and pretty much all surface laminate material that's easy to break and put together wrong if you don't read the directions first)? Or, do you want custom made, hand-crafted furniture that has a solid base, is waterproof and will last for years to come? Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) when a man chooses a woman for her body, and a woman chooses a man for his money, it will inevitably end in heartbreak and divorce, because it's shallow and empty. But who does that? Very few men would marry ONLY for a hot body, and even sugar babies are selective about the men they spend time with. I wouldn't imagine many women marry ONLY for money. Both can be a minimum requirement but you have to be pretty shallow for these to be the deciding factors. I think the premise is false in that having minimum standards does not a marriage make. There is nothing wrong with having standards. I think a lot of women here are implying that he should date women to whom he's not attracted. And that is a sure recipe for failure. Without the fire, nothing else matters. Doesn't "project women" simply translate as "not truly compatible"? LW, I'm starting to think you have the same problem I do, less 20 years. You aren't willing to settle on looks and youth in exchange for compatibility. You want it all. So do I. And you are hooked on the energy of the women you've dated. There is no substitute for that in my opinion. I know this: Now is not the time to settle. If you do you will regret it until the day you die. Edited July 31, 2015 by Robert Z 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Think of women like furniture. Do you want to date IKEA (cheap, assembly required and pretty much all surface laminate material that's easy to break and put together wrong if you don't read the directions first)? Or, do you want custom made, hand-crafted furniture that has a solid base, is waterproof and will last for years to come? Give me that high quality furniture, but it had better also look at LEAST as good as the Ikea stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Give me that high quality furniture, but it had better also look at LEAST as good as the Ikea stuff. Yes, (thanks to writergal for the analogy), but you do not really appreciate the high class stuff, you are not marveling at the work put in, the standard of the carpentry, those fantastic tongue and groove joints, the dependability, the reliability, the quality, the smell, the polish, the shine. Instead, those white, shiny, plastic shelves float your boat. Next month, next year, it may be walnut "effect", or oak "veneer". Looks OK on the surface but no substance, it isn't real, it is a temporary fix. Part of you realises that, and it upsets you and you go into bin mode, or you put it away in the attic to decide on later. Instead of getting yourself down to a real furniture shop for a quality replacement, it is just easier to stick in your comfort zone, discard the offending piece, and go back to Ikea for another, or you go into the attic and bring back down some dusty, old, Ikea piece that is still hanging around, and you tell yourself, yes this will do, this is just what I need. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What he said was that the women judge him, not that it defines his self worth or sense of manhood. Next time quote the actual statement so as not to be misleading. Pardon, we are to address the OP, the moderators will handle any misquotes. I think Loveweary understood the direction and concern I was making. I wouldn't insult him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Well, a little crew of girls and I are going to Electric Adventure this weekend and she's coming, since I have already introduced her to everyone. Whoever said I'm confusing was right. This is very, very confusing stuff..... Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 No, but I've yet to meet a non-project woman in my life. Silly LW, you've met them, you just didn't date them! They walk past you on the street everyday. You don't even realize it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Silly LW, you've met them, you just didn't date them! They walk past you on the street everyday. You don't even realize it! Just a semantics issue. I don't seem to meet any is what I mean.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 But who does that? Very few men would marry ONLY for a hot body, and even sugar babies are selective about the men they spend time with. I wouldn't imagine many women marry ONLY for money. Both can be a minimum requirement but you have to be pretty shallow for these to be the deciding factors. I think the premise is false in that having minimum standards does not a marriage make. There is nothing wrong with having standards. I think a lot of women here are implying that he should date women to whom he's not attracted. And that is a sure recipe for failure. Without the fire, nothing else matters. Doesn't "project women" simply translate as "not truly compatible"? LW, I'm starting to think you have the same problem I do, less 20 years. You aren't willing to settle on looks and youth in exchange for compatibility. You want it all. So do I. And you are hooked on the energy of the women you've dated. There is no substitute for that in my opinion. I know this: Now is not the time to settle. If you do you will regret it until the day you die. I am one who thinks he should stick to what he's attracted to, no doubt, but change up the personalities. Because that's what it comes down to with yoga chick. Total personality clash. He lives a certain kind of lifestyle, a bit fast and free spirited, and yes there is a certain energy to the women that come to him in this lifestyle. But he can still find an energy and free-spiritedness, a certain maturity, stability, level-headedness, without defaulting to his usual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I think you would do well to find a woman who still has a certain energy about her, while still being very calm and tranquil. Right now in order to get that free-spiritedness and energy, you're taking the instability and drama and clashing, and seeing it as the only way. As if you can't have one without the other. Like you can't have the good without the bad... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 LW, if I came to NY right now I'd clear everyone off the boat in two seconds. (Actually I'd like to keep some of them haha. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveweary11 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 LW, if I came to NY right now I'd clear everyone off the boat in two seconds. (Actually I'd like to keep some of them haha. ) Well, get out here! It'll be fun! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 The trouble is that you never really know when you see that inner person. Many people may not know their own inner person. And in a sense I don't agree. I think we all continually change and it's a crap shoot as to whether any two people will change in way that is compatible. [which makes me wonder how much this might influence the famous 7 year itch. Could that be how long it generally takes for our continual change to manifest in a significant way]. I still have recognizable traits going back to childhood, but that isn't all that I am. I am much more than that. Of course, although for the most part there are certain things that may not or will not change. I think the key is understanding that and for real accepting the person for who they are, no matter what the perceived defect is. LOL, I kept a journal/diary and wrote the exact things (his defects, after the first date) that I ended up leaving him for. I really can't blame him at all, I knew... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Every group or culture has its code of conduct and a big part of the code in hookup culture is meaningless sex, choosing on physical traits, and judging sexual willingness and performance. You’re going to be doing a lot more sorting because people are living by that code, and they’re assuming that you share their code if you’re in that culture. It’s like claiming you don’t want to fight when you walk into the cage, right? Get out of the cage if you don’t like the code. But know and respect the code of whatever culture you’re in or you’ll get creamed. (Getting up for the Ronda fight tonight- lol) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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