It all ended in disaster

[loveweary11]

Well LW, I'm am sorry to hear this, but I am not at all surprised it turned out this way.

 

It is tough to unwind everything that happened and apportion the blame appropriately, but I do get the impression that both you and Yoga are stubborn and can be poor communicators. And most importantly, I get the impression that you didn't think this through, INCLUDING the fact that you and Yoga seem to be on different pages regarding your relationship. And so everything imploded.

 

I mean, whether you felt it was right of her to do so or not, you can't be that surprised that Yoga Girl would have no problems making new male friends in NYC. Didn't the two of you discuss ANY of this beforehand?

 

From your threads overall, I take it that you are a dreamer and that is good. BUT, I think you'd have *ahem* smoother sailing if you planned more thoroughly, and from the remarks you get on your other threads, others on here seem to feel the same way. Hopefully the lessons you are learning here will serve you when you do decide to take your trip around the world.

 

You need a new username.

 

This is exactly correct.

 

We are both pretty strong personalities and I think both of us take the lead in our relationships, plus we have very different ideas about what it means to be with someone.

 

We discussed literally nothing. She's not a communicator. I am, as is quite evident here on LS. I kept it light/undefined because that's how she likes it (always thinking of the other person).

 

She left the "photographers" like 10 mins after I left and wandered the city.

 

I'm not sure anyone is to blame. We just aren't compatible for anything more than a week partying together and hooking up. A week and a half, very little drinking, opened that fact up.

 

I'll drop one more bomb... a doozey!

 

We met while we were both in our last relationships. I've known her for like 5+ years.... and been deeply in love with her since after my divorce.

 

We just keep coming back to each other. There is a draw between us that withstands other people we date,.

Edited July 27, 2015 by loveweary11

[Tayla]

Thank you Loveweary for posting here. Your honesty is commendable even when its to admit disappointment. Sure seems like you have learned alot from this, that with deep attraction and a will to be decent, it doesn't always get reciprocated. So sorry that you had to experience that. Give yourself time, as someone who cares for others , take time to be good to you.

Spain is calling you ! As are many dreams you bring to life!

We are here for you, and wish you more adventures in living life to the fullest!

[loveweary11]

Thank you Loveweary for posting here. Your honesty is commendable even when its to admit disappointment. Sure seems like you have learned alot from this, that with deep attraction and a will to be decent, it doesn't always get reciprocated. So sorry that you had to experience that. Give yourself time, as someone who cares for others , take time to be good to you.

Spain is calling you ! As are many dreams you bring to life!

We are here for you, and wish you more adventures in living life to the fullest!

 

Awww....That was beautiful. Thank you so very much!

[Timshel]

I'm ready, but need to find someone compatible on all levels. We were not... and we both agree about this. We have everything on the world in common, but I'm a cynic. She's eternally positive, even while getting scammed. She is a free range chick. I like to pair bond. Incompatible differences, though so many other things are in common.

 

Some of your bolded response to me will not pull up. You are wrong to what you are alluding to...I think? G and I are fine.

 

You, on the other hand are figuring things out. May I speak plainly to you?

 

She is pretty and so are you. So what dude? Where are you and what the heck do you want?

 

I have never met anyone as ambiguous as you are. Wishy washy. Look after her for bringing her with you and then end this.

 

Pretty women may be able to go far on their looks.....time will tell her muster.

 

It seems you are a pretty boy=equivalent of a pretty girl.

 

Get hold of yourself. What do you value? Believe in? Do that.

 

Crikes dude, get over the looks, the physical.

[Phoe]

I can't throw her out on the streets. Logistics. Tomorrow, we'll part ways.

 

Of course you would never throw her out on the streets.

 

But, you have more control than that in this situation. If you truly wanted her gone immediately, you could have her booked for a flight, placed in a taxi headed home, or heck, booked in a hotel room away from you until said flight/cab/train/etc. is available.

[Phoe]

I'm just me.

 

What's contradictory?

 

Just a normal person who got hurt and posted a thread real time, that follows the accompanying emotions rollercoaster.

 

This is something I can definitely agree with.

 

Humans naturally ebb and flow. Quite a range to our thoughts and emotions. Heck, we change our minds!!

 

And when posting on a forum like this in real time, that ebb and flow gets documented. Sometimes I look back on something I was going through 2 years ago and think "wow... really?"

 

I never understand how people can say "You said one thing this week, but you said something else a month ago. What the hell?"

 

Simply more ebbing and flowing. Change of mind. Change of heart.

[loveweary11]

, booked in a hotel room away from you

 

Which is exactly what I did until we sort out her landing.

[loveweary11]

Some of your bolded response to me will not pull up. You are wrong to what you are alluding to...I think? G and I are fine.

 

You, on the other hand are figuring things out. May I speak plainly to you?

 

She is pretty and so are you. So what dude? Where are you and what the heck do you want?

 

I have never met anyone as ambiguous as you are. Wishy washy. Look after her for bringing her with you and then end this.

 

Pretty women may be able to go far on their looks.....time will tell her muster.

 

It seems you are a pretty boy=equivalent of a pretty girl.

 

Get hold of yourself. What do you value? Believe in? Do that.

 

Crikes dude, get over the looks, the physical.

 

Where are you getting your impression of me being wishy washy and not knowing what I want from?

 

I want:

 

A fellow traveler (she is)

Who I'm attracted to (quite attracted to her)

Who shares my interest in food (she does)

Who brings new knowledge to my life (she does)

Who is a good person inside (she is... she's just messed up)

 

Then, I want to enjoy a committed relationship with this person while we travel.

 

This is abundantly clear from my postings on this forum.

 

I'm the opposite of wishy washy.

[Timshel]

This is something I can definitely agree with.

 

Humans naturally ebb and flow. Quite a range to our thoughts and emotions. Heck, we change our minds!!

 

And when posting on a forum like this in real time, that ebb and flow gets documented. Sometimes I look back on something I was going through 2 years ago and think "wow... really?"

 

I never understand how people can say "You said one thing this week, but you said something else a month ago. What the hell?"

 

Simply more ebbing and flowing. Change of mind. Change of heart.

 

Yep, we all take our turn 'venting' on LS. Getting it out and flying our crap. It helps.

 

Good point Phoe.

[Timshel]

Where are you getting your impression of me being wishy washy and not knowing what I want from?

 

I want:

 

A fellow traveler (she is)

Who I'm attracted to (quite attracted to her)

Who shares my interest in food (she does)

Who brings new knowledge to my life (she does)

Who is a good person inside (she is... she's just messed up)

 

Then, I want to enjoy a committed relationship with this person while we travel.

 

This is abundantly clear from my postings on this forum.

 

I'm the opposite of wishy washy.

 

Wishy washy is exactly what you are LW. Why call girl #2 to come over at the first (I know) sign of dissonance? Which, by the way, was completely in your control.

'Let's go babe, now.'

 

You are smart and you really do not need me to tell you this. Pick a lane and stick to it.

[BlueIris]

She wants to stay for other reasons. … I'm not taking her dream away' date=' despite the problems. [/quote']

 

So she had a separate, independent motivation for going to NYC. With that piece of information, it looks as though her priority was to pursue this goal or dream and might have agreed to go to NYC together with someone she’d had a very casual, FWB-ish relationship with. On the other hand, your priority was you two being together.

 

It sounds as though you each considered the other’s priority incidental or that each of you were so focused on your own priority that you didn’t fully hear or understand the other person’s goal or intention.

 

Then, I want to enjoy a committed relationship with this person while we travel.

 

Maybe you mean “exclusive” rather than “committed?” I wouldn’t consider a relationship “committed” if it had an end date or had the caveat that the commitment was “while we travel.” Also, if she wanted to go to NYC to pursue a dream, it might be that she didn't want to travel now.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm just me.

 

What's contradictory?

 

Just a normal person who got hurt and posted a thread real time, that follows the accompanying emotions rollercoaster.

 

I don't have time to go back and find quotes but you did go on at length about how you just wanted some hot girl, maybe the yoga one or maybe some other one, to be a "stew" for you with no strings attached and they would just make money and travel and get a chance to save up. You were pretty adamant that there would be NO other requirements. So if said girl decided to have her picture taken with guys on her off time or whatever from what you posted before this would not have anything at all to do with you.

 

If you are telling us a different story here I am not surprised if you told the same scenario to that girl and that is what she expected out of this arrangement.

 

Anyway sorry your feelings are hurt but maybe you need to be honest.

[BlueIris]

I don't have time to go back and find quotes but you did go on at length about how you just wanted some hot girl, maybe the yoga one or maybe some other one, to be a "stew" for you with no strings attached and they would just make money and travel and get a chance to save up. You were pretty adamant that there would be NO other requirements. So if said girl decided to have her picture taken with guys on her off time or whatever from what you posted before this would not have anything at all to do with you.

 

If you are telling us a different story here I am not surprised if you told the same scenario to that girl and that is what she expected out of this arrangement.

 

Anyway sorry your feelings are hurt but maybe you need to be honest.

 

I'm thinking that too. There could be so many mixed signals at work here, and wishy-washiness Timshel refers to.

 

These two had a history which was the context that can't be ignored, and that history was not at all serious. Some people suggested that he tell her that he loved her. That's good but having someone love you doesn't automatically mean that you drop your own goals or that your own priority shifts. If someone loves you you might assume that he or she is now on team with you, has your back, and accepts and supports your goals.

 

Driven, goal-oriented people don't give up on their personal dreams or put them on hold to pursue a relationship. They add the relationship to the mix. Anyway, just thoughts that might be worth considering as lessons learned and in OP's figuring out what kind of person he might want as a mate in the future.

[MidwestUSA]

 

I'll drop one more bomb... a doozey!

 

We met while we were both in our last relationships. I've known her for like 5+ years.... and been deeply in love with her since after my divorce.

 

 

So, since she was a teenager? How old are you again?

 

You stated that at 25, she's been your 'oldest'. Well, she was is the same category as the rest when you started.

 

I think you need to figure out why you can't form relationships with those your own age. Are you stunted?

[pureinheart]

Thank you Loveweary for posting here. Your honesty is commendable even when its to admit disappointment. Sure seems like you have learned alot from this, that with deep attraction and a will to be decent, it doesn't always get reciprocated. So sorry that you had to experience that. Give yourself time, as someone who cares for others , take time to be good to you.

Spain is calling you ! As are many dreams you bring to life!

We are here for you, and wish you more adventures in living life to the fullest!

 

This is absolutely beautiful Tayla!

 

You know LW, in past relationships, ya I got hurt, but recovered sooo quickly and moved on- until the last one, which just about did me in. While in this relationship (from hell lol) I watched a movie where this girl literally died of a broken heart. Thinking 'oh hell no', but it still scared me, how attached I was.

 

It almost did kill me- it happens slowly and you don't even realize it. I went back to a lot of old bad habits that a few months ago I finally quit. It's really scary when it affects your physical being like that!

 

Many counterfeits will enter into your space, but there is one that is not the counterfeit- wait for her. This is your space and your discernment.

[loveweary11]

So, since she was a teenager? How old are you again?

 

You stated that at 25, she's been your 'oldest'. Well, she was is the same category as the rest when you started.

 

I think you need to figure out why you can't form relationships with those your own age. Are you stunted?

 

Yup. Known her since she was a legal teenager.

 

There are just about zero people my own age that interest me. I get lots of smiles and flirts all day long from women my own age here in NY. I find most can't fit what I said I'm looking for in an earlier post.

 

Or...

 

They are: fat, disheveled, kids, stuck in ruts, you name it.

 

I like a little more of a clean slate.

 

I've gone over this ad nauseum. There are tons of reasons, including that I relate best to millennials.

 

Meeting #2 today for a little food and drink at a place we have some good memories in.

Edited July 29, 2015 by loveweary11

[loveweary11]

And...... backsliding

[jen1447]

What did you do?

[loveweary11]

What did you do?

 

I can not resist this girl.

 

Keep going out together, having great conversations, huge chemistry together, hooking up.

 

She thinks/knows I'm not the guy she wants, but we can't stop.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

They are: fat, disheveled, kids, stuck in ruts, you name it.

Why do you think that middle aged women are in a different category than middle aged men like you are??:confused: Anyway I am not here to try to change your mind, we all like what we like, but speaking as a young woman (though probably too old for you at 24! ) what you are offering is not really what many "free spirited" early 20's or late teens girls are looking for, I think it's going to be hard to find one who's not just in it for a lark and ready to bolt as soon as something else interesting comes along. IMO it didn't matter when I thought you were just looking for some kind of a boat booty call but now that I see you are all heartbroke, I have to say you are def barking up the wrong trees, and using the totally wrong "bait" to get what you are looking for out of a relationship.

[jen1447]

I can not resist this girl.

 

Keep going out together, having great conversations, huge chemistry together, hooking up.

 

She thinks/knows I'm not the guy she wants, but we can't stop.

 

So the sex made a comeback?

[loveweary11]

Why do you think that middle aged women are in a different category than middle aged men like you are??:confused: Anyway I am not here to try to change your mind, we all like what we like, but speaking as a young woman (though probably too old for you at 24! ) what you are offering is not really what many "free spirited" early 20's or late teens girls are looking for, I think it's going to be hard to find one who's not just in it for a lark and ready to bolt as soon as something else interesting comes along. IMO it didn't matter when I thought you were just looking for some kind of a boat booty call but now that I see you are all heartbroke, I have to say you are def barking up the wrong trees, and using the totally wrong "bait" to get what you are looking for out of a relationship.

 

Yeah, most of the population in the states is in a VERY different category than I am. That's exactly what I'm saying.

 

I have no kids, nothing tying me down from travel and enjoyment of life, a very fit body and I'm "with the times" in terms of music and stuff.

 

Very few people in my age bracket are like this.

 

But I do agree. A free spirit will breeze in and out of your life (mostly out) as they follow their fancy.

 

I'm even more rare, i guess, since I'm a free spirit who pair bonds and enjoys committed, stable relationships without drama.

[loveweary11]

So the sex made a comeback?

 

It did.

 

It's like she's trying to break things off from me, but can't. I am trying to break it off too, but I have this horribly powerful, non rational feeling of love... ripping at my insides.

 

Last night, she asks me if we can go get a drink together. We do. It's all fun, great conversation and a hookup. Slept in the same bed with her. Got up early and got breakfast. Brought some back for her since she slept in.

[Phoe]

I'm even more rare, i guess, since I'm a free spirit who pair bonds and enjoys committed, stable relationships without drama.

 

I know that you can find someone who feels the same way. There are women out there who are like this.

 

But this girl is not it. And you know that.

 

The more you let her pull you back in, the longer you prolong your heartbreak, and the longer it will be until you're in a position to find the woman you can be in a commited, stable, drama-free relationship with.

 

She's not gonna just let you go, either. She's gonna keep coming to you. She's not gonna just let the both of you walk away quietly. She's going to make it hard for you. Not very nice, right? She knows your weakness. Her.

 

If you want to get through this as quickly and cleanly as possible, you have to cut her out completely, cold turkey. Block her from contacting you in any way.

[loveweary11]

I know that you can find someone who feels the same way. There are women out there who are like this.

 

But this girl is not it. And you know that.

 

The more you let her pull you back in, the longer you prolong your heartbreak, and the longer it will be until you're in a position to find the woman you can be in a commited, stable, drama-free relationship with.

 

She's not gonna just let you go, either. She's gonna keep coming to you. She's not gonna just let the both of you walk away quietly. She's going to make it hard for you. Not very nice, right? She knows your weakness. Her.

 

If you want to get through this as quickly and cleanly as possible, you have to cut her out completely, cold turkey. Block her from contacting you in any way.

 

You're certainly correct and calling it with 100% accuracy.

 

I can't seem to let her go. I'm having a lot of trouble with that.

 

I'm pretty experienced in life and have literally never felt a pull so strong with anyone. I crave her. Beyond normal.

 

It's hard to make rational moves when someone is swirling around in your head all day long and when you set eyes on them, it transports you to another friggin dimension. I literally get like... a swoon in my chest every time I look into her eyes.

 

To top that off, I can walk past 2,000 women on the sidewalk in an afternoon here in NY and feel literally nothing for any of them from an attraction perspective.

 

It's sooo hard to throw away someone who "does it" for you, but yes, it's the right thing to do.