Boyfriends' mother loathe me.

[fluffpuff]

It has been a long time since I've had any relationship problems, and i never thought I would have to deal with something like this.

 

I'm a 20 (soon to be 21) girl from Sweden and live in a small county,

My boyfriend is almost 22 and he moved with his family from Africa to sweden about 6 years ago. His whole family is religious but he isn't (Muslim )

 

Me and , let's call him "jake "

Jake and I meet during the 2nd year of secondary school, we started of as friends and a year later, jake finally made a move on me! Now we have been together for about 9 months and everything has been great ...except one thing.

 

His mother loath me.

 

In the first 2 months of the relationship jakes mother were kind to me. Mostly I don't think she understood at the time that jake and I were a couple.

at some point she must have figured out, probably during Christmas when jake spent the holiday with my family. After that she doesn't even talk to me .

 

And that's not all.

3-4 months ago I went through jakes old mail (we lived together in his apartment at the time ) because I was worried there would be unpaid bills. And I found his national registration paper.

 

I didn't think much off it till I saw his relationship status.

MARRIED.

 

You'll probably think that he lied to me. Oh no, no no no, it gets better.

I showed him the paper and his jaw dropped and he got pissed and he said "wait right here. "

Then he went away for a bit and came back and told me why it said married.

His mother. Believe is or not. Had taken his ID and went and fix the status so a girl from Africa can come to sweden and try to take my place. And that girl came. A month later.

 

That's when I started to ask jake why she would do something like that. I had done nothing wrong to her.

And he actually said "she hates white people " and that's when I thought , who is a racist now...

 

She hate the fact at the graduation prom jake and I went together, she hates the profile picture he has on Facebook, I'm in it and jake is smiling for the first time.

 

She has even taken my bed that where in their garage and put it in her room and refuse to give it back. But she said she'll pay for it. 2 months later, she won't pay for it.

 

You get the picture now. She hate my guts. Every time I go there to visit the look she gives me. .. its like I'm the devil , and she just want to kill me. And that girl from Africa probably doesn't even know that I'm jakes love and she has been thrown in the middle of a war zone,..

 

 

All this fuss over the fact that I'm white.

and now I'm legally seen as the woman on the side.

 

And after all this crap jake loaths his mother, because of everything she has caused.

 

 

 

What should I do?

should I try talk to her? Should I ignore her and show her she can try her best and I'll never leave?

 

Jakes father adores me, and his younger siblings.

why can't she?

[darkmoon]

be careful of the mother, she seems to have laid plans, jake has not stood up to her so far, not so he has divorced ready for you, atmo nobody is protecting your interests

 

do not to move in with him while he is married, arranged marriages are not unheard of, a chance for the wife to officially emigrate to sweden

 

if your mother contacts jake's mother for a friendly chat, it might help, i hope you are not just a bit of white meat that is being used for passion, which is a kind of love, but just not an official legal one

Edited July 26, 2015 by darkmoon

[Iron Bubba]

Some mothers can't bear to let their sons go. They will always think of them as a baby, and will always want to keep them at their side. Getting married will only be seen as abandonment by her, and she will always loathe you and will always attempt to split you up in some way.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

How does he get legally married without knowing it? Go to the immigration authorities & explain what happened. They might deport his mom for fraud, problem solved.

[Radu]

How does he get legally married without knowing it? Go to the immigration authorities & explain what happened. They might deport his mom for fraud, problem solved.

 

Let's follow this train of thought for a second.

 

She gets deported [and it's pretty serious and for good]; the dad remains alone [with a very patriarchal society he probably is not that involved in child rearing] and the younger siblings remain without a mother.

Which means that the OP has just made an enemy [major one] out of the whole family.

 

No, what can be done, is the bf puts the mother in her place and stops having ... ANY contact with her.

Only such a drastic punishment would make her reconsider her actions, and only after a looooong time.

 

But he has to stand up to her on his own.

[minimariah]

How does he get legally married without knowing it? Go to the immigration authorities & explain what happened. They might deport his mom for fraud, problem solved.

 

^^ that's what i want to know.

 

how can someone marry you off without you even being present...? LOL. like, how is that even possible? =\

 

seems to me like the BF is bullsh*tting and blaming the mother.

[fluffpuff]

^^ that's what i want to know.

 

how can someone marry you off without you even being present...? LOL. like, how is that even possible? =\

 

seems to me like the BF is bullsh*tting and blaming the mother.

 

Let me explain.

The Swedish immigration center sucks at their work. It were too simple for her to change the status without him knowing.

 

They only thing she had to show were the proof she's in fact his mother and his ID, she really only had to say "there must been a mixup, my son is married "

 

He didn't b*ll**** with me , why I know.

I once snapped at his mother and ask "how could you even get him married on paper without his presence? !"

 

And she told me what I just told you all. And she added " and there's nothing you can do about it "

 

I don't know if she really believe that they will eventually get together and have children or that she wanted her relative to get to sweden quickly. .

Either way she tricked the whole system.

[Radu]

What is he doing about this ?

[fluffpuff]

What is he doing about this ?

 

I actually don't know ..

We have really never properly talk about this, mostly because I didn't realize in the beginning how much a stupid paper would stand in our way.

 

Just this past month I've started to realize that , that paper stop us from doing everything , even being together is wrong.

 

I can't sleep, I can barely eat and I might go insane.

I know I have to talk to him about this but he has been busy with work and he's staying at his father's place, this isn't a talk you should take over the phone.