Divorced - wise to go back to live in same spot?

[marklt23]

Background:

 

So, I have been divorced for about 3 years.

 

My experience, like many others, was awful. Just completely heartbreaking. Never saw the end coming at all. We had been married 8 years. Looking back, we had our struggles, but I thought these were mostly happy years...all of them. I can truly say she was my best friend, and even down until the day she announced she had cheated on me, I felt that way. In fact, the week before she dropped the big news, she went out of her way, writing me a letter about how in love with me she was, and how I was the

"nicest/sweetest person", and how she was "the luckiest girl alive" to be with me. So, suffice it say, the news hit me quite hard.

 

Despite her betrayal, I was still willing to try to work it out with her. However, I shortly saw that the situation was even more grave than it appeared, as in the few short days after the "big announcement", she had gone from being "so, so sorry", and begging me to not give up on her, to then finding out that the supposed one-night stand was "ongoing" (she was still texting this "guy" and even later admitted to meeting him for lunch just a couple of days after she dropped the big news on me).

 

As many here have unfortunately shared in, the hurt and pain this all caused me was just awful, and absolutely unbearable, in many ways. The lowest of lows ... (on a positive note to anyone reading this and going through those same emotions, I can say that with time, those feelings can slowly dissipate and you can re-build).

 

Really, there are so many details, but I don't know how relevant they are to my dilemma today or to where I am emotionally with this all... which I believe is a good place.

 

Obviously, we got divorced and each went our separate ways. Eventually, despite my desire to have a life in the area we lived, weighing the pros and cons, I took a job in another city, and moved away.

 

That's proved to be a good career move for me...

 

Dilemma:

 

... but I have always felt disconnected from what I want living wise. I thought I had that where I was. Truthfully, I don't really like the area I live in now, while I loved the area I (we) lived in before.

 

Recently, an opportunity has come up with my employer, though, to relocate back to my original "spot" back where I (we) used to live.

 

This has brought both exciting and uninviting emotions. Exciting because I know it's at least what I wanted before. Uninviting because it has started to whip up a bunch of memories and/or pain about the past. In some ways, I feel like I am going backwards by going back "there". In others, I feel like going back is only natural, and it's time to be an adult and face the negative emotions headfirst, and begin to build new memories---> by the way, I think this can be a somewhat problematic attitude when going through a traumatic experience.

 

I am really hopeful to receive anyone's input who has experienced something similar...going back to where it all "went down" (quite literally) and whether that proved to be wise move for you based on your own experiences. If you could possibly share some of your experiences and/or advice, I would really appreciate it. I'm not really looking for someone to tell me what to do per se, but I think having your insight/perspective would be helpful to me as I finalize this decision.

 

I will add that to me, this has kind of felt like going from a "NC phase" with my entire life experiences before to now a potentially "all-in contact phase" with that life. That's what scares me because I've arrived in a good place emotionally now with that all.

 

I should add that she is no longer living in this area, either.

[LoveMyCat]

If she no longer lives there either, and you have a good,opportunity to return to a place you love, go. You can't run your life (or shouldn't) running away from a city you love due to painful events that occurred there. If so, we would all be moving away anytime something bad happened. It is good she is no longer there. You won't risk running into her and can start your life in the city over again. Just pick a different area to live, if possible and start making new memories. Don't let an ex control your actions after the divorce is over.

[marklt23]

Thank you for your response LoveMyCat. It's helpful.

 

If I end up deciding it's the right move, I know that me not going back, in essence, do to her, would only be hurting me. I think it's important to remember that after any break up, so thank you for reminding me here in this instance.

 

My former place of residence didn't seem so "rosy" anymore once all of that went down. That's partly why I decided to leave (the other being that an opportunity to leave coincidentally came up). As I've healed over the years, it has seemed like a special place to me again...but it would seem a healthy grieving process allows us to simply come to terms with our past, too.

 

Maybe that's all I have done here, and that's what I'm trying to determine.

 

Thanks again.