A good NC question

[figgurinoutlife]

I am doing NC and have been for almost 3 weeks w/ex by my choice because I cannot handle being her friend. She was upset because I did this to her, but I told her I needed to get over her. She may still be mad but I just have the strange feeling she's missing me, but is too stubborn to say anything.

 

My question - Is it possible that your ex will not contact you because of stubborness and pride even though she misses you?

 

Do you think she will eventually snap and call because the feeling of her missing me will increase? Does it usually increase?

 

Has anyone been in this situation where NC is being practiced on you and you want to call so bad but cannot bring yourself to do it?

[agnf666]

Originally posted by figgurinoutlife

 

My question - Is it possible that your ex will not contact you because of stubborness and pride even though she misses you?

 

She may respect your need not to contact each other. She may decide it is time to move on as well.

 

Do you think she will eventually snap and call because the feeling of her missing me will increase? Does it usually increase?

 

I will honestly say that when my ex told me the "Let's be Friends" thing. I thought he was being honest about it. Then I come to figure out that it was a no contact deal. I tried to call him like maybe 2 times. He never called back. So, there will be a point where she might call you but if you really don't want to talk to her don't answer or return the call.

 

Has anyone been in this situation where NC is being practiced on you and you want to call so bad but cannot bring yourself to do it?

 

I'm doing NC right now. I want to call but I refuse to call him anymore. I recently was told that he has a thing for me agian but doesn't want my friend to put us together. He wants it to just happen. Like we see each other out of the blue oneday. I don't know. Alll I know is that I learned my NC lesson!!! Don't call your ex at all. Unless it is a really emergency. (death, accident, fire ) We all go through this phase in our lives. I hope it will work out for you.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by figgurinoutlife

My question - Is it possible that your ex will not contact you because of stubborness and pride even though she misses you?

 

Yes, it's possible. But NC is not try and get them to come back to you, it's to help you heal faster. If they come back, it's because it was meant to be. No contact only helped them see that. Make sure you are implementing NC for all the right reasons.

 

Do you think she will eventually snap and call because the feeling of her missing me will increase? Does it usually increase?

 

Maybe, but you'll be torturing yourself if that is your hope. You need to cut the strings to truly implement NC and that means deleting the IM contacts, emails, boxing up memories and deleting cell phone numbers....

 

Has anyone been in this situation where NC is being practiced on you and you want to call so bad but cannot bring yourself to do it?

 

I want to call her every day, but I know that I will never be truly OVER her unless I stick with NC. Implementing NC is no picnic. It's HARD, HARD work but will be worth it in the end.

[RecordProducer]

Honestly, I think it's the man's job to initiate the contact first (just like at the beginning) even if it's "her turn." Please don't ask me why! It's just the way I feel it. I always want to be the lady and him to be the gentleman. And the more I stick to this rule the better it works for both me and my partner.

It is possible that she doesn't contact you even if she misses you. Here on LS you can often hear women saying "If he loves you, he will call you." The same rule doesn't necessarily refer to women. So if you think you have chances to get back together, you should make the move.

In the early stage of the break-up the reconciliation is more probable, because that's the time when we most miss the part that has been torn away from us (if the relationship was good). Later down the road, we get used to the new situation, are more prone to seeing things from different angles, and we start meeting new people.

[jp13370]

Ok, what about my sordid tale of woe......

 

I divorced my ex - went thru grief/agony/uncertainty of whether I did the right thing, etc. Four months later he appears telling me despite what happened he still loves me and says "You're THE ONE - I can't let go". I ran back to him and we actually dated for 6 months and things were ok.

 

Then three weeks ago we had a blow up - I ran, couldn't deal with him. 3 weeks of no contact then I panicked and called him last Sunday. We didn't see each other because he's been sick - he was to come over tomorrow for a happy reunion and then KABLAM - argument on the phone this evening that ended in us yelling at each other "This won't work". End of phone call.

 

My gut feelings have been crying out "Don't continue this relationship - it's not healthy, you can't trust him". I even have had nightmares about him. I couldn't sleep last night because my stomach was upset (strong gut feeling about something but couldn't put my finger on it").

 

I think maybe I started the argument to keep from seeing him? I was so hurt when I divorced him - when he came back to me 4 mos. later I was so angry all I did was berrate him for the mean things he did to me before. I admit I had alot of resentment built up and my trust level in him was zero.

 

Now we're back to no contact but I think this time it's the end of the road and I will never again initiate any contact with him or expect any in return. I've got to cut the umbilical cord and say goodbye once and for all - I'm tired of such an emotional roller coaster.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Honestly, I think it's the man's job to initiate the contact first (just like at the beginning) even if it's "her turn." Please don't ask me why! It's just the way I feel it. I always want to be the lady and him to be the gentleman. And the more I stick to this rule the better it works for both me and my partner.

 

Not in no contact, it isn't.

 

It is possible that she doesn't contact you even if she misses you. Here on LS you can often hear women saying "If he loves you, he will call you." The same rule doesn't necessarily refer to women. So if you think you have chances to get back together, you should make the move.

 

In this case, he needs to stick to NC.

 

In the early stage of the break-up the reconciliation is more probable, because that's the time when we most miss the part that has been torn away from us (if the relationship was good). Later down the road, we get used to the new situation, are more prone to seeing things from different angles, and we start meeting new people.

 

True, but he could screw everything up by reacting too quickly...

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by jp13370

My gut feelings have been crying out "Don't continue this relationship - it's not healthy, you can't trust him". I even have had nightmares about him. I couldn't sleep last night because my stomach was upset (strong gut feeling about something but couldn't put my finger on it").

 

Follow your gut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I think maybe I started the argument to keep from seeing him? I was so hurt when I divorced him - when he came back to me 4 mos. later I was so angry all I did was berrate him for the mean things he did to me before. I admit I had alot of resentment built up and my trust level in him was zero.

 

Now we're back to no contact but I think this time it's the end of the road and I will never again initiate any contact with him or expect any in return. I've got to cut the umbilical cord and say goodbye once and for all - I'm tired of such an emotional roller coaster.

 

Once you call correlate your relationship to a roller coaster ride, it's all over. Implement NC and move on. The problem with quick reconcillations is NOTHING WAS LEARNED. They need to change themselves and that's not done over night. In this case, he didn't learn anything.

[jp13370]

Confused you are absolutely correct - sometimes quick reconciliations are nothing but desperate booty calls and bruised egos.

 

Once you have a major split/divorce or whatever - reconciliation will never last. Just like you said NOTHING WAS LEARNED.

 

I actually believed my ex when he said he realized what he lost (me) and he said he'd do anything to not lose me again. After we divorced he proposed to me again. I mistook that for real love. It was just a game he was playing to screw with my head all over again. He came back to gain advantage and be ruthless and get back at me. He just had to be the one to end it and show me who's boss.

 

Whatever - he can claim victory all he wants - I'm done with the nightmare. No more drama or rollercoaster rides - I'm gonna enjoy the peace and quiet now and work on patching up the war scars.